A Shot in the Dark

' Why must we meet

' ln the shadows ofParis

' Where hardly a star

' Seems to shine?

' Why can't we meet

' ln the sunlight ofParis

' Where Paris can see

' You are mine?

' Have you come to me

' From another

' Whose lips

' You have tried?

' Do you still belong

' To another?.

' ls that

' Why we hide?

' Why am l cold

' ln the sunlight ofParis

' Where laughterand song

' Fill the sky?

' Why am l warm

' ln the shadows ofParis

' When l know

' That dawn

' Means goodbye?

' Have you come to me

' From another

' Whose lips

' You have tried?

' Do you still belong

' To another?.

' ls that

' Why we hide?

' Why am l cold

- ' ln the sunlight ofParis

- Maria!

' Where laughterand song

' Fill the sky?

' Why am l warm

' ln the shadows ofParis

' When l know

' That dawn means

' Goodbye?

(gunfiire)

(phone rings)

Commissioner Dreyfus.

Ah. Yes, my darling.

I was just about to call you.

I'm on my way.

I've got the cheese and the beaujolais.

What?

My love. Kiss the children for me.

- Huh?

- (buzzer)

Hold on.

Yes?

(man) Your wife is on the otherline.

Tell her l'm out of town.

Yes, my love.

I'll be with you in 20 minutes.

(chuckles)

Monsieur Dreyfus. Oh, monsieur.

A catastrophe. A report of a shooting

at the Chateau de la Pierre Blanche.

So?

- M Ballon.

- What, the millionaire?

- Yes.

- That is a catastrophe.

It's not so much the shooting

that is a catastrophe.

The report had few details, just that

someone was shot, and the address.

I only just realised

that it was the home of Ballon.

- So?

- So l made a terrible mistake.

Who did you assign to the case?

- Clouseau.

- Oh, my God.

(' The Marseillaise)

Argh!

(buzzer)

- Inspector Clouseau.

- Good evening, sir.

- What is your name?

- Henri LaFarge.

Make a note of that.

- You are the butler?

- The head butler.

The head butler. Cross out "butler"

and put down "head butler".

(squelch)

(Henri) This is M Ballon.

M Ballon, it is a great honour.

(squelch)

Excuse me.

I am lnspector Clouseau of the Sret.

I apologise for my appearance.

I had a slight accident.

Would you like a bathrobe or something?

No, nothing at all. It's just

a little dampness. It will soon go.

M Ballon, you reported a shooting.

- No, l didn't. Maurice did.

- Maurice?

- Yes, he's guarding Maria.

- Ah.

I was at the airport at the time.

I've just arrived.

Of course. That is not necessary.

I'll have this cleared up in seconds.

Would you like to examine the body?

- I would be delighted.

- This way, sir.

(footsteps squelch)

- You are Maurice?

- Yes, monsieur.

M Ballon said

you were guarding someone.

Yes, monsieur.

This pen has been fired recently.

- And you are?

- Maria Gambrelli.

- I am lnspector Clouseau.

- How do you do?

See what else you can find.

What are you doing?

- I'm checking the gun.

- This is my pistol pen.

- I know.

- Get your own pistol pen, please.

This is my own personal one.

Don't look in here. Look outside.

- What did you say?

- Nothing, monsieur.

All right, you can go.

Now then.

um...

Please.

You found the body.

- Yes, monsieur.

- Mm.

A friend of yours?

- Have you any idea who killed him?

- I've no idea.

- She killed him.

- That's not true.

- She says it's not true.

- She is lying.

- Watch your tongue.

- I heard four shots.

You heardfour shots.

You did not see four...

I am sorry.

- You did not see these four shots.

- No.

Then you could not know

who fired those shots.

- The door was locked from the inside.

- What does that prove?

When l broke in l found Miguel where you

see him and Maria with a gun in her hand.

- With the gun in her hand?

- Still smoking.

Did you have the gun in your hand?

- And was it still smoking?

- I suppose so, but...

I don't know how it got there.

- Ridiculous.

- I will decide what is ridiculous.

- Monsieur, you surely don't believe...

- I believe everything.

And l believe nothing.

I suspect everyone.

And l suspect no one.

I gather the facts, examine the clues...

and before you know it, the case is solved.

Oh, yes. There is much here that does not

meet the eye. That is quite obvious.

- What was that you said?

- Nothing, monsieur.

All right. You can go now.

Yes, monsieur.

But do not try to leave. Everyone

in this household is under suspicion.

Yes, monsieur.

- (Clouseau) Tell me what happened.

- He was having difficulty with the buttons.

- Buttons?

- The buttons on my dress.

That is strange because

there are no buttons on this dress.

That is because he was having difficulty

with them. He tore the dress off.

- He attacked you.

- Oh, no.

I would have helped him

but he couldn't wait.

The buttons are probably

all over the room.

He was so impetuous.

A passionate Spaniard, you know.

And he tore your dress off, eh?

Yes.

Suddenly someone opened the door.

Miguel leapt up and...

That is the last l remember until Maurice

came in and found me with the gun.

Yes.

There is, if you'll excuse me, something

here that l do not quite understand.

What don't you understand?

I don't understand... when you say

that you don't remember.

- I guess l was unconscious.

- unconscious?

- I have a bump.

- A beump?

- Yes.

- Where? Let me see.

I don't know how it happened

but it is painful.

That is beautiful perfume.

- It's bath oil.

- Is it?

I can't figure it out.

Someone must have hit me.

Yes. You have received

a mild concussion with that beump.

- You have cream on your nose.

- That's nothing.

- It's from that thing over there.

- You're all wet.

- What?

- Is it raining?

No, it's just that my stupid driver

parked too close to the fountain.

You should get out of these clothes.

You'll catch pneumonia.

I probably will, but it's all part

of life's rich pageant, you know.

We police put up with a lot of things

in the course of our duties

that in private life

one wouldn't normally tolerate.

(Clouseau) Why don't we have a smoke?

Helps to calm the nerves

and enable us to think more clearly.

- It is lovely perfume.

- That's not perfume. That's bath oil.

Oh, is it? Well, it's very beautiful.

- Thank you.

- I can still smell it.

- Now, where were we?

- My bump.

That's right. That you received

when somebody hit you.

- At least, we presume somebody hit you.

- How else could it have happened?

In the police force, first,

we presume, after, we find out.

That is the way we work.

Because if we work the other way...

Goodness, it's a bit stuffy in here.

- Your coat!

- Yes, it is my coat.

- But it's on fire!

- What?

My coat is on fire!

My goodness, l'm burning!

- Clouseau?

- Argh!

He fell out of the window!

(Dreyfus) Clouseau?

(Maria) Are you all right?

Mm? Oh, yes.

I'm perfectly all right, thank you.

- In that case, you may go home.

- Go home?

- You are relieved.

- Relieved?

I am taking charge. Good night, Clouseau.

Good night, sir.

- Argh!

- I'm sorry, sir.

You idiot. You fool. It's a good job

l was able to check my reflexes.

I might have killed you with a karate chop.

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