A Snow Globe Christmas

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1

Honey, It's time to go. We'll go

home and we'll open our presents.

No we have to wait.

The son of Santa so daddy will

come home for Christmas.

Please don't promise her things

she can't have.

Honey I told you. Daddy's on a

business trip and he won't be home.

Actually I think he will.

Daddy!

But what about your business

trip?

I told them they could wait.

Christmas is for family.

Cut!

Ok everybody that's a cut!

You're doing it again.

What?

Bond Villain.

How many times have I fired you

today?

Mmm I stopped counting when I

ran out of fingers.

Are we good?

Yeah it was alright.

It was alright. Thank you.

That's lunch.

Ok people we got it! That's

lunch!

Eric.

How long have you been here?

I waved. You were kinda in the

zone.

Tis the season to be jolly.

Fa la la la la la la la la

Penny who? what? why?...

You said the crew could have a

gift exchange.

I gotta go.

No no no you gotta wait a

minute.

A said anonymous. Fast.

Discrete.

Old man Barnes lives for this.

- He's a distraction.

- Look at that face!

Mr. Barnes I'm sorry but we're

gonna have to cut this short.

What is that noise?

Where's it coming from? Hello?

Am I the only one that could

hear that?

Look you asked me to come down to see you.

So I came down. I see you...

Meg. It's Frank again.

Goodbye.

Hi. Umm Sal.

Hi! Meg.

How did you know my name?

That bohunk over there called

you Meg.

You need to go.

Ok.

I'm sorry?

Can I help you?

My bell.

Oh yes. Right.

Wait.

Merry Christmas.

You too Mr. Barnes.

You too.

How did she know your name?

- Hey.

- I'm gonna go.

Wait! No I thought you were

gonna stay for dinner?

Your craft service guys have not even

heard for paleo and you're not exactly-

We'll find you something to eat

I'm -

- Yes. Yes.

- How is this?

Yes! That is truly repulsive. It looks like

grandmas old yarn. Where did you find it?

You've seen me knit.

Well done! Yes! taking one for

the team.

Hey everyone! This right here is

what I'm talking about.

Christmas is not for the elves.

Hurra!

Yeah. Ok.

Eric.

Honey.

Hold on.

Pooch got the hi-roller suite.

It's gonna be epic.

Sweetheart it's gonna be Christmas. You sure

you want to go to Vegas for a bro-liday?

Says the head elf. Huh? Hurra!

Well?

Come on, I'll be home by Monday

just in time for therapy.

Ok.

Meg?

Ummm Not now.

Now! Meg.

Hi Frank! Hello.

You're not answering your phone.

Ok. Frank listen to me.

The scene with the snow angels I can

make it better. I promise I can.

You tell me every year you watch

these films with your family.

You say they are the only thing you make

that you actually do watch with them.

You are making me older by the

minute.

No. That's just life doing that.

It's a figure of speech Meg.

Let me do this my way.

Ok please?

I might be a dysfunctional shipwreck

of a human being but I know Christmas.

I can-No I will deliver the

perfect Christmas movie.

Keep shooting.

Yes.

No!

I'm sorry?

No. Meg this is not ok.

Oh here we go.

Meg these people have families!

I have a family.

Well no one is making you stay Bob

Cratchit. Would you like to leave?

That's what I thought. It is now 2:57, We are

gonna come back in 15 minutes and keep shooting.

You shouldn't wear your hair

like that.

Makes you look old.

I though I told you to leave.

I like it here.

Plus it reminds me of that.

That's what you're going for

right?

You want people to feel like they

are really right up in there?

Nose pressed up against the

glass.

Life's like a snow globe. You gotta

shake it up to see the snow.

Yoo hoo!

How did you get there?

Let me see it.

Come on. Give it a shake.

Look at that! It's so shiny.

It's glitter.

Hmm. That's not what you see.

Snow is falling down slowly.

Tiny perfect little town with

tiny perfect little people.

It's everything you'll never

have.

I don't need this.

Are you sure about that?

You gotta want it.

Really want it.

Ok.

Meg! Meg!

Meg? Meg?

Meg? Meg!

Meg!

Sweetie?

Honey?

Ah she's awake. Thank goodness.

What?

We were all so worried about

you.

Where am I?

Now.

You young lady took quite a

spill.

You need your rest. I want you to run along home

now and have yourself a nice cup of hot coco.

And if you do that you will be

right as rain in no time.

What is this?

Teddy must have dinged y

pretty bad.

Wait? Ted?

From college?

We use to date.

Yeah babe and then we got

married. I'm your husband.

I - no stop it. Stop doing that.

Uh what is this? Are we filming

here?

Where's the crew?

Ok. Uh this is obviously an

exterior scene.

How did we get here?

Last thing I remember...

Oh?

I think I tried to cancel

Christmas.

Honey you may be a control freak but

not even you can cancel Christmas.

Please stop calling me honey.

I'm not your honey.

I'm sorry did you say married?

What?

To a lumber jack?

You're starting to scare the

kids.

Kids?

Mom. Sorry. Dad told me not to

pack it too tight.

Mom?

Yeah.

Ok. This is hilarious.

Crew prank right?

Trying to punish me by giving me

"It's a wonderful life".

Complete with that corny modern

really really photogenic family.

You guys are good! Let me see you. Wow! You

even look like a real brother and sister.

Who's your agent?

Ok?

This is obviously all fake.

Um, this is actual snow. We don't

have the money for actual snow.

Christmas is not for the elves!

Hoora?

It's an episode.

Penny! Where is Penny?

Is mom gonna be ok?

Yeah Teddy. She's gonna be fine.

Mia why don't you take your

brother home?

I'll be there in a second.

Meg!

Thanks Doc!

Officer!

Office thank goodness you're here. I

need to report a potential kidnapping.

This gentlemen right here is trying to take

me against my will and I'm pretty sure-

What?

he drugged me because I have no idea

where I am or who I am right now.

Baby no!

Yeah! He keeps calling baby and

he thinks I'm his wife.

- And we are not married.

- You are my wife!

I'm am not your wife.

Problem Sir?

Oh you?

I should have known.

Offir there is absolutely no

problem ok?

We were having a snowball fight.

My son dinged her in the head.

She has a mid case of amnesia.

That's what the doctor said.

I got hit in the head.

Exactly! Yes! You got hit in the

head.

You're at home in your tiny

perfect town.

I'm in my movie.

Oh no.

I'm in my F-. Standard and practices

don't swear. Freaken' movie!

You know what?

Meg.

You're absolutely right.

You are in a movie.

And this right here. This is a

set!

Guess what?

The camera is in the truck.

So baby why don't we head towards

the truck where the camera is.

This is amazing.

Roll sound!

Wow! I even got the clock tower

right.

uh huh.

This is like my snow globe.

Yeah.

Just brought on by stress and

energy drinks.

This just feels so real.

Yeah. Get in the truck.

Ok. Yeah.

Oh god she lost her mind.

I'm going to fix you a drink.

Ok.

Whoa.

What? Eggnog? Are you keeping me. That

stuff has a squintilian calories per sip.

Just the way you like it.

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