A Stitch in Time

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1

Chopper.

Well done, Pitkin!

Two ounces over, Mr Grimsdale.

It's all right, Pitkin,

it's mostly bone.

Oh.

There you are, Mrs Cudforth,

the best New Zealand lamb.

15 and ninepence.

Take 15 and nine, please, Amy.

Robbery! How many times

do I have to tell you

we're not here to give

the dogs free meat!

It was mostly bone.

The next time a dog comes

into this shop, I'll deal with it.

He means he's gonna put it

in his sausage meat.

You're not suggesting Mr Grimsdale

uses dog meat in his sausages?

Here, Mr Grimsdale.

Show him your gold watch and chain.

"From the..."

"...Association of Midland

Family Butchers and Poulterers."

"First prize..."

"First prize for quality and hygiene."

It's my proudest possession,

Mrs Cudforth.

Oh, yes? That's nice.

Good morning.

Thank you, Pitkin.

Next, please.

I'll have a pound of potatoes,

two tins of sardines

and a half hundredweight of coal.

Mr Grimsdale?

What, might I ask, is the time

by your gold watch and chain?

- One o'clock, Pitkin.

- Oh, yes, of course.

Early closing, innit?

W-What are you doing?

That could go off.

Give over. Don't do that, Pitkin!

Oi, you!

Open the till.

Women.

Watch, watch.

- Hide it.

- Can't, I've got my hands up.

Open your mouth.

Don't move, don't move.

You got a bit hanging.

I've swallowed it!

You murderer!

Stop! Help! Police!

Help! Help! Help!

Help! Police! Police!

Never mind the police,

call an ambulance, you...

Yes, Mr Grimsdale.

Oh!

Hello? Hello, send an ambulance, please.

- I don't need an ambulance.

- Mr Grimsdale does.

Yes, urgent!

It's Grimsdale's in the high street.

The butchers.

And poulterers!

Oh, they've gone now.

Mr Grimsdale?

Mr Grimsdale, are you all right, hey?

My last seconds are ticking away, Pitkin.

I know, I can hear 'em!

How long will the ambulance be?

About 18 feet, Mr Grimsdale.

The ambulance is coming! Mr Grimsdale!

It's ringing!

Mis... Oh, Mr Grimsdale!

Now-now-now try to hang on!

Mr Grimsdale! They're here!

Hurry up! I think he's going!

- Stretcher case?

- Course he is.

Mr Grimsdale swallowed

his gold watch and chain.

Ooh!

Blood.

He's new on the job.

- He's gone!

- Gone?

- What did you say?

- He's gone!

- Ohhh...

- Oh, no!

Ooh!

Oh!

If the inspection goes well,

it means a large donation for the

Children's Sunshine Holiday Home.

- We're still L#20,000 short.

- Lady Brinkley's signed bigger cheques.

Hello. How nice of you to come.

How are you?

I'm all right, only Mr Grimsdale

swallowed his gold watch...

Lady Brinkley.

Do come this way.

Before we start,

one pleasant little formality.

Please, Nurse.

Thank you.

- Aren't they lovely?

- Yes, isn't it?

- Shall we?

- Oh, yes, of course.

- Nurse, how long...

- Don't worry.

When a porter's available,

Mr Grimsdale will be taken to Casualty.

I don't mind taking him to Casualty...

meself.

- Comfy, Mr Grimsdale?

- I'm sinking fast, Pitkin.

I can hear the angels singing.

I can't hear 'em.

You're not so near to them

as I am, are you?

Don't worry, Mr Grimsdale,

I'll get a porter meself.

PORTER!

Porter!

Shhhh.

Shall we, er...?

Porter?

I'll take you to Casualty meself,

Mr Grimsdale!

I'll race you.

Ooh! Ah! Look out!

You... You clumsy...!

Oi!

Hey! Hey!

Yeeeeoooow!

We spare no effort to speed our patients

on the road to recovery...

Emergency!

It's all right,

bit of a hold-up but don't worry,

I'll soon have you in Casualty.

Oh, my dear Lady Brinkley!

What has happened?

- I'm so sorry! You're not hurt?

- This is dreadful!

Matron, look after Lady Brinkley.

Pick up the flowers.

I must go. Excuse me!

Great heavens! Who was it?

Find him! I want him!

I'm most terribly sorry.

How can I make amends?

- A glass of brandy, perhaps?

- I want...

I want to go home! Get my car.

- I do understand. Perhaps tomorrow?

- Oh, no! Impossible!

- We would be very honoured.

- Very well!

- Thank you, Lady Brinkley.

- Thank you, Lady Brinkley!

- Can't I stay with him?

- No. You're putting the surgeon off.

Don't worry,

it's quite a simple matter. Cheer up.

You go to the waiting room

and if there's any news, I'll call.

Thank you very much.

Mr Grimsdale!

- 'Ere, how did they get...

- Shh.

No! Did they?

Cor, they didn't, Mr Grimsdale.

Oh, Mr Grims...

It must've been very...

That's enough, Pitkin. Sufficient to say

it were extremely uncomfortable.

Well, I think you've been snatched

from death's door.

From the very threshold, Pitkin.

- Miracle, Mr Grimsdale. A miracle.

- A miracle, Pitkin.

- Miracle.

- A miracle.

- Mir... How long will you be here?

- Months.

I'm still on the danger list.

I'll have to lie very still for a month,

then it depends on the doctor.

The doctor said you can go out

tomorrow, Mr Grimsdale.

I should let him rest now.

Pitkin. Take my watch...

Oh, can I, Mr Grimsdale?

...and lock it up in the safe.

Yes, Mr Grimsdale. You can rely on me.

'Ere, I can wear it in the daytime,

can't I, Mr Grimsdale?

Mr Grimsdale?

- YOU DROPPED OFF?

- Shh!

We're very fortunate

to have a second chance,

so let's make sure

nothing goes wrong this time.

Hey, take it easy! What are you doing?

How kind of you to...

Oh, please, do you mind?

Excuse me, please. Lady...

Oh!

I, er... Oh.

- I apologise for this little spot of bother.

- Please, don't worry.

- No one's been hurt, have they?

- Go away.

Please, Lady Brinkley.

Ain't it marvellous?

Oh, Mr Grimsdale!

You look wonderful!

I feel wonderful, Pitkin.

- It's a...

- Miracle.

Performed by a doctor dedicated

to the cause of suffering humanity.

Oh, the way you say it.

Say what?

That suffering bit. Whatever you said.

Dedicated to the cause

of suffering humanity.

That's what we're gonna be,

to show our gratitude

for my amazing recovery.

Dedicated to the cause

of suffering humanity.

'Ere, Mr Grimsdale, we've had. Well...

a sort of call, haven't we?

We have that, Pitkin,

we have that. Come on!

Oh, ooh!

- What about it?

- What about what?

The call we've had! I know!

Look at the way you slice up meat

and saw through bone.

You could be a surgeon!

That's feasible. A surgeon, yes.

The best surgeon in the whole world.

Now, I'd probably be no better

than the rest of them.

- Ohhh.

- All right. I'll get dressed,

you fix up a date

for us to enrol as students...

Us? You mean me as well?

Yes, of course.

Even surgeons have assistants.

Yeah, course.

For sharpening up the knives

and swabbing up all the pools of blood.

Eughhh.

Hello, surgical ward.

No, Doctor, he hasn't arrived.

Oh, Nurse, oh. Excuse me.

- I wanna fix up a date, you see...

- Shh.

Half past seven. Back door of the hostel.

Oh, no! Oh, no, no.

You misunderstand me. You see...

Oh, no, I don't. You men are all alike.

Now, here, it's...

Are you here to philander

or will you join your fellow students

in the study of dentistry?

Study... Here, that's just

what I want to do, study.

Well, for heaven's sake,

man, come along.

What is your name?

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