A Stitch in Time Page #2

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Um... Pitkin, sir.

Well, Pitkin.

I must insist that you control your

excessive libido towards the ladies.

Right, ladies and gentlemen.

Check your equipment.

Send them in.

This way, please.

Hey...

Old Crankshaw won't tolerate students

associating with women,

so, er, keep away from them, hm?

Oh, I will.

You're a woman... and you're pretty.

- So you'll have to find another chair.

- I will not.

But Old Crankshaw won't tolerate...

I have been waiting here an hour.

I can't help that! Come on, hop it!

I will do no such thing!

Now, look, miss, I'm not gonna get

slung out now I'm in. Come on!

- Come on. Oh, come on!

- Oh! Oh!

- Oh, please!

- Come on out. Come on!

Help! Oh!

Come on! Out of it.

Pitkin!

You imbecile! You sex maniac!

- Benson, look after this lady.

- Certainly.

- Sir Hector would like to see you.

- Yes, all right.

Please accept my apologies.

Pitkin!

This is your last chance.

Your very last chance.

Take over that chair.

Ooh...

You're, erm...

You're new here, aren't you?

First time.

Let's just get him up, eh?

Now, you do everything I do.

Rinse your mouth with this

and spit into the bowl.

Right.

- Is that the one?

- Yes.

- Is that it?

- Yes.

Is that the one?

Thank you. Take your foot off.

Take your foot off!

Pull it out.

No, the tooth.

Oh!

And finally,

we come to the dental clinic -

if I may say so, the finest in Europe.

We have all the latest equipment -

the chairs are very comfortable.

- You've done it most beautifully.

- Thank you.

Please!

There. That didn't hurt, did it?

This is the first time

I've voluntarily sat in a dentist's chair.

There, that didn't hurt, did it?

No.

You!

You! Lord Hector, I have been looking

all over the place for you.

Me and Mr Grimsdale,

we've had the call.

Get out and never come back! You're

banned from this hospital for all time!

Banned? But I've been helping

suffering humanity.

Get out and never come back!

Get him out. Out!

Shh.

Don't give me away.

Have they gone?

Hello, John.

Hello. What's your name?

Aren't you gonna tell me?

Of course I know, really.

It's Lindy, isn't it? Lindy Walker.

I'd like to hear you say it.

- She's making no headway at all.

- None. Quite the reverse.

She hasn't spoken or smiled

or shown interest?

- No, Doctor.

- Then I'm afraid we'll just have to wait.

Must we wait?

Can't we do something now?

- I'm sorry, Doctor.

- It's all right. Shock isn't easy to treat.

When Lindy lost her parents

in that plane crash,

she lost the only effective cure-love.

- There's nothing we can do?

- Little except watch her carefully

and hope something

gives her back the will to live.

Ohh... Oh, that's it.

Funny, you know...

When you didn't give me away

just now...

Oh, I was very happy.

Cos you see, well, I thought, well...

perhaps you liked me.

But it's really only cos

you didn't want to talk, isn't it?

Yeah, well, I, erm...

I must go.

Erm... Lindy?

Look, my name's Mr Pitkin.

Erm...

You haven't got anyone to kiss you

good night or anything, have you?

Well, far be it from me

to push myself forward

but, erm, well...

What do you reckon?

Well, cos if you can't talk

then you can't say no, can you?

So, erm...

you...

You ready, then?

Oh. Your nose is in the way.

Now we are friends, aren't we?

I've gotta...

I must, cos look at the time.

Erm, er...

Just a minute, Mr...?

- Pitkin.

- Thank you, Mr Pitkin.

What for?

You obviously don't realise but you've

just done something wonderful.

- Me?

- Mm. You must have a gift.

Oh, no, no, I don't want anything,

me and Mr Grimsdale do it for nothing.

See, we've had the call.

Naturally, he's had it

stronger than I have,

and he's more interested in

the cutting up side.

- I beg your pardon?

- Surgery.

- You will come and see Lindy again?

- Can I have permission?

Of course you can.

Just ask for Nurse Haskell.

- Nurse Haskell.

- Promise you will.

Oh, yeah, I-I promise.

- What about your watch?

- Oh, yeah.

I'll, er...

I'll collect it next time.

All right. We'll take care of it for you.

I promise, Lady Brinkley, he will be

reprimanded in no uncertain manner.

Goodbye, Nurse.

- Here I am, Pitkin.

- Come on, Mr Grimsdale, hurry up!

Don't rush me, Pitkin,

there's plenty of time.

Have I forgotten anything?

Is my watch in the safe?

- Not in the safe itself...

- What have you done with my watch?

There was this little girl

in the children's ward - Lindy.

You haven't given my watch to a child?

Get it back at once!

- I can't, the governor's banned me.

- What?

But it's all right.

Nurse Haskell has fixed it.

Oh, has she? Where is the governor?

Hm. A few judicious words from me...

That's it! Then I'll be able to see Lindy.

Aye, and get my watch back.

He's in a nasty mood, Mr Grimsdale.

A donation will put that right.

Money talks, you know.

Now, look here, Sir Hector.

What is all this about?

You will not set foot in

this hospital again. Is that clear?

No! Nurse Haskell has said he can go

into the children's ward, so there!

Oh, she has, has she?

We'll see about that.

Mr Grimsdale, please,

you'll get her into trouble!

Children's ward, please.

Send Nurse Haskell into me at once.

The donation. Remember? Money talks.

Nurse Haskell,

how dare you give permission...

Nurse, please,

give me a chance to explain cos...

Nurse! Back to your ward, at once.

Outside. Don't take all day!

It's all your fault,

now we've both been banned.

- I'm sorry, Mr Grimsdale.

- Never mind.

We'll find another way in

and you can see that little girl, eh?

- Then you can have your watch back.

- Oh.

- That's it! St John's Ambulance...

- Brigade!

Psst! Pssst!

Come up the front!

So much for the theoretical

application of first aid. Any questions?

Please, sir? Sir?

- Yes?

- Erm...

When do we get our uniforms, sir?

- You can have mine.

- Thank you, sir.

Sit down!

You'll get your uniform when you've

passed your examination like the others.

Now, a practical demonstration

of first aid in action.

For this, we shall need

a volunteer patient.

Name?

Pitkin.

Stand over here, Pitkin, will you?

Now...

I want you to imagine that Pitkin here

has fallen off a very high roof.

He's broken both legs,

broken both arms,

fractured his pelvis

and he's fractured his skull.

And he's been kicked

in the face by a horse.

- With iron hooves on?

- If you like.

You lie down and simulate

the injuries I've described.

Oh! Ah! Oh, me broken legs!

Simulate on the table, not on the floor,

where the class can see you.

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

And keep quiet! You're unconscious!

Now, I want you to remember that

first aid, when administered promptly,

can save a patient's life.

In the case of multiple injuries as

I've described, speed is a vital factor.

Now, um... Wilkinson. Jones.

On splints. Collect them from Mr Welsh.

And Redman, Brown, bandages.

Collect them from Mr Stuart.

Now, prepare to advance on patient...

Wait for it. Ah, ah, ah.

Ooh! Ah!

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