A Street Cat Named Bob Page #5

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Faith!

Listen mommy, he's got a cat!

But she's allergic!

I know!

Bob!

Please, don't...

Get that thing out of here!

She'll have an attack.

I'm trying, I'm trying.

James, please.

Come on, mate. Come here.

Bob, come on.

Oh, for goodness sake...

No!

That was my mother's.

I know.

Bob? Bob!

I'm sorry, I'm...

Get out of my house!

Come on, son.

You and your creature,

just get out!

Come on, James.

Come on, mate.

Bob!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

It's okay, come on.

It's okay.

He's my son!

What do you think I'm going to

do, close the door in his face!

What am I supposed to do.

- You told me before.

- Don't let him in...

Can I stroke him?

Can I?

Yeah, you can try.

So cute.

How old is he?

I don't know.

I want a kitten?

My friend, Sammy, has a kitten.

Make sure he's out of here!

Happy new year, dad.

Thanks.

Nice to see you again.

Go on, right there.

That's it, go on.

Hey!

Piss off, you moron.

It's more like piss onto me.

Get that dog away from here,

I'm trying to play here.

Come on, mate.

Come on.

What! Don't touch me.

Will you get that

person out of here?

What, just

because there's a crowd?

Don't touch me, yeah!

Back off, back off.

I got a cat under here.

Hey! Hey, that's enough

over here. Give it up.

Just leave, it's not me.

My dog needed a piss.

It's your fault with that dog...

Cc TV proved

it wasn't your fault.

You had it here for busking

for six months.

So where's Bob?

Do you want to thank me for

coming down and bailing you out?

Maybe you can focus.

You can't go back

to covent garden.

You're banned from busking.

I want to know where my cat is?

You missed your meds,

didn't you?

I just want to know

where Bob is.

He's safe, he's in

the police kennel.

We can go and get him right now.

You got yourself arrested and you

didn't get your methadone, James!

You are so close.

Don't lose it now.

It wasn't my fault,

none of this.

It wasn't my fault.

Look, I'm going to

call the chemist,

authorize them to give you the methadone

even though you missed it yesterday.

You go straight there,

I'll get Bob, okay?

Hello.

If you failed the shot any day we

can't give you the medication.

Yeah, she called you,

didn't she?

Like your work here, she called?

I'm just warning you.

Okay.

Sign.

Come on, man.

Let me explain.

What's to explain,

I have eyes, James.

You're an addict,

you lied to me.

No, I didn't lie,

I just, I just...

Shaded the truth a little.

Oh, please!

Wait, look, okay, yeah, I'm on

the methadone program, yeah...

But I haven't used for three months, and

believe me I am trying to get clean.

I can't be around addicts,

I told you that, it's just...

It's too much...

I can't do it! And I wasn't

shading the truth.

This, this dog, Bob, and

I was trying to protect him

and then this whole fight

broke out, and then...

I got arrested. I wasn't doing anything

wrong, it wasn't me fault but,

that, and busking if I do, then

I'll get arrested again and then...

I don't know. I don't know

what even happened to Bob.

If you can't sing then you

can't make any money.

And if you do sing then

you'll get arrested

and all you're thinking about

is what happens to the cat.

When you sell our magazine,

you get out or you put in.

You know they say

weed is a gateway drug.

Uh, yeah, I'm a little

familiar with the concept.

Well, the big issue is

the gateway opportunity.

I'll start you off with

a handful of free ones.

Just like a pusher, right, you sell

them, the next ones you buy from us.

Sell those, make

a little profit...

Buy even more.

After a while you get better territories,

work your way up, et cetera, et cetera.

Before you know it, you're freaking

Rupert Murdoch. But not a dick head.

If you can't sell them

we don't buy them back.

So, you got a plan.

And you get one

designated territory, get it?

Poach on anyone else,

and you're done.

Period, boom, clear?

Boom, clear.

Good.

You can't have an animal

in your photo.

This is your official ID.

What animal?

I don't see an animal,

this is my co-pilot.

Yeah, I heard about that.

Okay.

Look this way.

Say cheese, Bob.

You know what, I might have just

the right thing for you two.

It'll cost a tenner.

But it's worth it.

Big issue!

Come on guys!

Give it a try,

help for the night.

Big issue!

Can I have a selfie

with the cat?

Do you take a picture?

And then you buy a paper,

how is that?

Is that a deal?

Oh, you are a good

businessman, I like that.

Come on, Bob,

look at the camera.

There you go, all right.

Thank you.

He wants to give you

a high five. High five, Bob.

High five there.

Oh, that's two pounds, fifty.

I've only got two thirty,

is that all right?

Two pounds, fifty. I can

see that's two pounds, fifty.

Excuse me, mate.

Hello, Peter Gruner,

I'm from the Islington tribune.

Thank you.

Do you mind if I did a story

on you and the cat?

You taking the Mick?

Ooh, can I pet him?

You can try, just

behind the ears though.

I see you're a human

interest story.

- What's that?

- Would you mind?

All, right. Yeah, sure.

Look this way, Bob.

Bob, over there.

Bob?

Lovely.

Another one.

Big issue! Big issue!

Big issue!

Big issue, big issue.

Big issue!

Bloody stupid cat.

Hello, mate.

Go screw yourself, yeah.

Hey, watch your mouth.

I've got a nine in here.

Excuse me, sir.

Sir! Sir.

Me?

Can I take a picture

of you and your cat?

Please?

Uh... yeah, sure, sure.

It's okay, Bob.

He loves your hat.

- Great.

- Okay, no worries.

Thank you.

Can we buy a magazine?

Oh, sorry, it's not my patch.

You go speak to that guy

over there.

We just really want

to help, please.

Ah, you cant.

Thank you so much.

- Have a great day.

- And you.

Come on, I wasn't poaching.

Do you know...

He knows I wasn't poaching.

My patch!

You're selling papers.

What else you want to call it?

Call it envy.

Envy! I'll envy your arse.

God, stop, stop it.

James, you knew the rules.

I wasn't selling, I was just...

One month, no papers.

Come on, don't do this to me,

I wasn't selling I promise you.

- You knew the rules.

- This was one...

Couple that came up,

you saw what happened.

So they forced you to sell

to them, didn't they?

I wasn't trying to poach.

You're taking

business off me, yeah.

Why are you making this up,

why are you picking on me?

- Enough, enough.

- I saw you took the money.

One month, no papers.

What?

Nothing.

Just the... chaos.

Chaos around drug addicts?

Life's a constant sh*t storm.

That kind of chaos?

Bob, put the frog down.

Leave it.

I'll leave at one.

Here you go.

Come on, Bob.

Hey, there's nothing there.

It's empty, mate.

Bob.

Bob, stop it.

Get a little rest,

mate, come on.

Bob.

Stop it!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I know, I know

you're hungry, buddy.

I'm sorry.

I'll find a way, okay.

I'll find a way.

James, what are you doing?

Betty. Oh, I'm just...

You've been banned from busking.

Well, Bob's hungry, I'm hungry.

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