A Very Murray Christmas Page #3

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I'm going to move in much closer

At least I'm going to say that I tried

Duly noted, you have tried.

I really can't stay

Oh, baby, don't hold out on me, please.

Ah, but it's cold outside

Here, look at these hands of yours.

This is ridiculous.

Here, put them right under here.

This is the second warmest spot

on the human body.

This is an old native trick.

This can keep your fingers from freezing,

turning black and falling off.

I'd hate it if you could never

wear gloves again.

I don't think I could forgive myself.

Here. Where's... Give me the other one.

There's bound to be talk tomorrow

Think of my life-long sorrow

At least there will be plenty implied

You get pneumonia and die,

it'd be my fault.

I really can't stay

You've just got to trust me on this.

Ah, but it's cold

Outside

Wow. You are so wasted

on the hospitality industry.

Oh, the chefs! I've got to go.

- Oh, let me help. Paul, watch the piano.

- Alright.

The refrigerators are down.

The chefs are freaking out.

Hey, are you guys okay?

She's dying.

You mean she's melting.

I mean dying.

It's a catastrophe!

It's a disaster!

It's not a disaster, it's a celebration!

Tonight will go down

as the greatest night

in the history of the Carlyle Hotel.

Your beautiful food will not die.

It will live forever.

Because we will consume all of it!

Now, quickly, form a human chain.

Pass all the food. Up to the bar.

All women, grab lobsters and vegetables.

Men, any meat that's hanging.

Someone get ice cream.

You look like you'd like to have

your photograph taken with me.

What?

I notice that seems to really

cheer people up a lot when they do that.

They get big smiles.

I don't think that's really

going to do the trick right now.

I saw a cake.

It looked a lot like a wedding cake.

A lot...

Is that yours?

It was supposed to be.

But now... no wedding.

Because none of our family or friends

or guests could make it in.

So it's ruined.

Well, you're preaching to the choir.

We had to cancel everything.

Our dream Bahamas honeymoon, everything.

And then we're trapped in here,

so sad and angry

and things just have gotten...

Elliot, my fianc, and I

just started fighting.

Yeah, I bet.

So Elliot caused the blizzard.

That bastard.

He ruined my TV special. Where is he?

I think he's in the bar.

Well, he's a little smart.

Want to come in?

They're giving away lobster.

You know, I have a theory

about getting married.

And when I fall in love,

I have vowed to practice it.

Would you like to hear it?

Not really.

- Cool...

- Thanks.

Alright, well,

if you get hungry or thirsty...

Oh, this is an improvement.

This is much better.

Much, much better.

Something is missing, though.

We've got food. We've got booze.

We've got attractive people.

- We need music. Christmas music.

- Oh, music.

We need someone to sing a Christmas carol.

We need a volunteer and

that person is going to be you, Dimitri.

Come on, you Macedonian madman.

No, Mr. Murray, please.

No, no, no. I can't.

You've got to dig deep in your history.

You've got to go deep, to your childhood,

your infancy, if necessary,

and just bring us a Christmas carol.

A one, two...

On the first day of Christmas my...

You're not a singer. And we don't

have time to find out if you're a dancer.

Let's try this fellow.

Scooter, give us something.

I know you know something. Come on.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

You guys...

are both not working out right.

Come on, my little brandy angel.

You've got... Look at you.

I can... Something...

Good King Wenceslas looked out

On the feast of Stephen

When the snow lay round about

Cool and crisp and even

I could watch you sing that

all night long.

But no one knows the second verse,

am I right? No one?

- You're done with it, right?

- Yeah.

Sorry. Okay...

I'm going to you guys.

You're going to be my Hail Mary.

How about you fellas play something

that nobody knows.

A pleasure. Key of "D"?

Sure, yes.

When you find for some sad reason

You're alone this Christmas season

And the joys of home grow dimmer

Just like a memory's distant glimmer

Mr. Sandman, I need help.

When your love and you are parted

Can you get in here? Just hit it.

Just you. Just... Just... Do it.

It's sad, I say, when you're away

You're a natural.

From love on Christmas Day

Why the sadness?

You got to move on

When there should be gladness

Keep moving on

All you can do is keep moving on

Time is mending

You've got to move on

Pain, too, has its ending

Keep moving on

Know in your heart

It soon will be gone

Whether cruising the lonely highway

Or jetting miles high

Through some skyway

When you've reached your destination

Awaiting baggage from the station

When you see some happy greeters

It can make your bitter sweeter

But still for real, it's sad to feel

Alone on Christmas Day

Why the sadness?

You got to move on

When there should be gladness

Keep moving on

All you can do is keep moving on

Time is mending

You've got to move on

Pain, too, has its ending

Keep moving on

Know in your heart

It soon will be gone

And you guys can cook, too.

Wow, you're going to be a real catch.

You're Elliot.

- How'd you know that?

- I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present.

I'm here to warn you.

Sorry, sir,

but I'm not in the mood.

For love.

The question is, are you in the mood

for a lifetime of regret and loneliness?

Please go away.

I can't. I'm a ghost. I've got to keep

haunting and haunting and haunting.

There's a lovely girl

in the lobby, crying.

And not over her dead wedding cake.

- See you in a minute.

- Wait...

Peaches, love's got an up button

and a down button

and you decide which one to push.

What?

You ever try a "soiled kimono"?

- No. I...

- Just drink it.

That's it. There you go.

And listen.

Hey, Paul.

Christmas

The snow's coming down

Christmas

I'm watching it fall

Christmas

Lots of people around

Christmas

Baby, please come home

Christmas

The church bells in town

Christmas

Are ringing in song

Christmas

What a happy sound

Christmas

Baby, please come home

They're singing "Deck the Halls"

But it's not like Christmas at all

'Cause I remember when you were here

And all the fun we had last year

Christmas

Pretty lights on the tree

Christmas

I'm watching them shine

Christmas

You should be here with me

Christmas

Baby, please come home

They're singing "Deck the Halls"

But it's not like Christmas at all

'Cause I remember when you were here

And all the fun we had last year

Christmas

If there was a way

Christmas

I'd hold back these tears

Christmas

But it's Christmas Day

Please

Please

Please

Please

Please, please, please, please

Baby, please come home

Oh

Baby, please come home

Baby, please come home

Oh

Whoo

Oh

Please come home

Baby, please come

Hey

Oh

Hey

Yeah!

Does anyone want a piece of cake?

I think she means you.

Okay, now tell me your theory of love.

Well, it's really more of a philosophy.

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