Abbott and Costello Go to Mars
- APPROVED
- Year:
- 1953
- 77 min
- 182 Views
Orville!
After you finish flying
thejet ship for the children,
bring them back
to the orphanage.
Then cut the lawn and water the
plants. All right, Miss Pliny.
All right, gang.
Keep your eye on the jet plane.
Orville, do you know
how a jet works?
Of course! I know how a jet plane
works and rocket ships and spaceships.
How does
a spaceship work?
Sure. A spaceship?
A spaceship.
First, you've got to have
a lot of space. And then...
You want me to learn you
how to spin a top?
How does
a spaceship work?
Spaceship. All you do is
pull a string and away it goes!
Nonsense! Anyone who
has studied nuclear physics...
knows its engine operates
according to thermodynamic laws,
using a working fluid ofliquid
hydrogen as a propellant.
This is accelerated and
expelled by a nuclear reactor,
enriched largely by the use
of a fissible U-235 isotope,
giving the necessary thrust
to the interplanetary mission.
Do we make
ourselves clear?
Sure. Just like I said, pull a string
and away it goes. Like that.
Now,
that's right around the corner...
Cheese it! The cop!
Oh, it's that
Orville again!
A spaceship!
Hey.
How'd you get here?
I sneaked
into your truck.
What are you doing? I'm drawing pictures
of the spaceship, so I can show the gang.
The gang? A spy, huh?
What's your name? Orville.
Orville. Where're you from? The Hideaway.
The Hideaway! That does it! I'm
taking you to see Dr. Wilson. Come on!
May I see your
identification, please?
I am Dr. Orvilla.
I want to see Dr. Wilson.
Just a moment.
Dr. Wilson's office.
Miss Howe speaking.
Send him in, please.
Come in.
Beautiful, isn't it? I think
frightening's a better word.
Don't tell me you wouldn't like
to spend your honeymoon on Mars?
I'll settle for Niagara Falls.
Dr. Orvilla's on his way in.
I'm anxious to get the meeting
started. How about the newspapers?
They're still insistent on a press
release. Tell them we're not ready yet.
Will you stop
pushing me?
Push me once more,
I'm gonna haul off and...
Have you had enough? Come on!
Whoo! Whoo!
Where's the Doc? In the conference room.
Call him up. Tell him I caught a
spy. His name's Orville. Orville?
You mean Dr. Orvilla.
He isn't a spy.
Dr. Wilson's been waiting for you. For me?
He didn't want to start
the meeting without you, Doctor.
I'm, I'm no doctor.
I know.
You're listed in Who's Who
as a professor of aeronautical science.
Lester, tell Dr. Wilson
Dr. Orvilla's here.
All right, but someone's
making a terrible mistake.
Professor of
aeronautical science.
What makes a balloon go up? Hot air?
What's keeping you down? Ha-ha.
Hey, who are you?
I am Dr. Orvilla.
Oh, that's all right.
Uh, wait a minute!
For your information, I just left
Dr. Orville in Dr. Wilson's office.
For your information, Dr.
Orvilla standing right-a here!
Wait. I just left Dr. Orville.
He's short, fat and dumb.
I am Dr. Orvilla. The only
people is-a dumb is-a you.
We'll let Dr. Wilson decide
that. Come on. I walk-a by myself.
Dr. Wilson
will be right in.
Eek!
There you are.
There's Dr. Orvilla! How dare you
tell-a the people you're Dr. Orvilla!
I didn't tell them.
They told me.
You told a big lie. I didn't
tell a lie. They told a lie.
I'm Orville.
See, Orville.
He don't even know
how to say the name.
The name is Orvilla. No, Orville!
Ma questo e'propio pazzo. You
mind hold-a this, please? No, sir.
The name is Orvilla.
I don't go for that kind
of stuff. Now cut it out.
My name is Orville. Che
ti possono mangiare.!
I'm-a gonna give you
a maccharone.!
Ooh.
The name is Orvilla!
You hold that. Cut it out
slapping me in the face.
My name is Orville. You
make-a me lose-a my temper!
The name is Orvilla!
Hold that. Now I'm gettin'
sick and tired of that stuff.
Let Dr. Wilson decide.
And the one who isn't Dr. Orvilla is
gonna go to jail for a long, long time.
I'm Orvilla. How can he be Orvilla?
He don't even-a speak-a like me.
I think I even-a speak-a
better-a than-a you.
No mock-a me.
Who's-a mockin' you?
Eeep!
Eee! Here, here, here, here!
None of that! None of that!
Dr. Orvilla! I don't know how
this happened, but I want to apologize.
Don't-cha mention it.
That's all right.
Take-a this impostor,
this impostor fazzule.!
Take him to jail.
Oh, no she don't.
Anyone she's-a gonna go to a-jail,
gonna be you. Don't-cha mock-a me.
I don't think we should put him
in jail. He hasn't done any harm.
He saw the spaceship. Oh, that's too bad.
Now that it's completed, I'd hate to have
the news leak out. I won't tell anyone.
We'd better keep you with us at least for
the time being. Lester'll take care of you.
I'll take care of him,
Doc. This way, Dr. Orvilla.
You little foreigner, you!
Oh, no, you don't!
Uh-oh.
Here I go again!
Good morning, gentlemen. Morning.
You all know Dr. Orvilla.
How do you do, Doctor.
Won't you
be seated, please.
I appreciate the fact that some of you
have traveled a great distance to be here.
And I'm very happy to say that
after years of research and effort,
our project has finally reached
a state of completion.
The spaceship
is ready to fly?
As Dr. Wilson-a say,
if it wasn't for the matter,
we'd put a few supplies on a-board,
she could-a be launch-a today.
The problems that confront us are choice
of destination and the selection of a crew.
Since all of us are eminently
qualified to be observers,
I suggest a crew be selected
by drawing lots.
Gentlemen, the moon is the closest
of all astronomical bodies.
But due to its proximity,
there's a wealth of detail visible
through powerful telescopes.
Within our fuel range are
the planets Venus and Mars.
One of these should be
our destination.
Each of you have before you
a sheet of paper...
on which you will write
the choice of your destination,
and a brief explanation of why
you've chosen this particular planet.
Orville, help me
unload the truck.
Okay!
Why did you take a box from up
there? Well, this here one was closer.
Give me a hand!
Yes, sir.
No!
Get on board!
Get on board!
All right! I'll hand you this box.
Go on,
get up there.
Here you are. Get ahold of it.
If there's anything else I want
you to do, I'll do it myself!
What happened
at the meeting?
We selected our crew. I suppose
you're among the lucky ones.
I built the ship, Janie.
And you wouldn't ask anyone to do
anything you wouldn't do yourself.
Where do we go
from here?
Mars.
When are you going?
As soon as we get
all our supplies aboard.
What are they,
football uniforms?
Certainly not.
They're space suits.
Hey, Les, don't I look
like a piece of bubble gum?
Put that back. The doctor and
his crew are gonna need those...
when they get up where
there's no oxygen.
Put it up there.
Didn't I tell you not to wear
those helmets? Now, take it off!
Soon as my back is turned,
you put 'em on.
Now, you're a fine friend.
You won't let me put it
on, but you put it on. Aah!
Stow away those boots!
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"Abbott and Costello Go to Mars" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/abbott_and_costello_go_to_mars_2129>.
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