Abbott and Costello Go to Mars Page #2

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Stow away those boots!

Go on!

Baffled, eh? Yeah. Those shoes are heavy.

Well, certainly. The gravity plates

on those boots are magnetized. Oh!

Now, stow them away.

Now, stow them away.

Stow them away!

I told you to

stow those boots away.

I thought you said

throw them away.

Eeep! Ooh. My head! Now, come here.

Oh, Dr. Wilson.

Let me help you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

How's it going, Lester? Everything's

loaded, Doc. Ready to take off.

Fine. Would you mind helping

me check the control panel?

Oh, sure.

Fuel. Fuel. Okay.

Oxygen. Oxygen. Okay.

Interplanetary communicator.

In...

Oxygen.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Here comes the crew. I want to

bring them aboard for a final check.

Dr. Wilson, is there anything else

I can do? I'm afraid not, Orville.

This kind of work requires

a high I.Q. A what?

High I.Q.

Hi, I.Q. too.

Let me help you. That's

all right. Thank you.

This Dr. Wilson,

he's pretty good goin' up...

Ohh! Huh? What's the matter?

Ohhh!

What's the mat...

Hey, Les. Oh, Les!

Uh-huh? What?

The doctor, he forgot

to check this one.

Get your hand

off there!

Dr. Wilson, look!

Don't touch

these switches!

Hey, the doctor

didn't check these.

What did you...

What did you touch?

Oh, Les!

Les!

This is disastrous! Come on-a

back. You no can-a do this!

What are you gonna do?

Contact Lester by shortwave...

and tell him how to land!

Hey, what happened?

Earthquake?

Must've been. It's a lucky thing for

us you didn't press the right button.

You'd have launched us

into space!

We better get out of here

before something happens.

Lester!

I don't wanna go

to the moon.

If I wanted green cheese,

I'd go to the delicatessen.

You're not going to the moon.

We're heading for Mars.

K-A-5-7-4-9 calling

Rocket Ship M-1.

Rocket Ship M-1,

come in. Over.

It's no use.

I don't suppose either of them knows how

to operate a radio. What'll happen to them?

Unless they accidentally enter

a gravitational sphere of another planet,

they may drift around in

space forever. How awful.

Calling Experimental Laboratory.

Calling Experimental Laboratory.

We're up in the air!

How do we get down?

Over.

Over where?

Aargh.

Calling Experimental

Laboratory. Come in. Over.

If you don't come in,

it's gonna be all over!

Come...

Come in!

Come in! Come in!

Right away!

Les!

Turn it.

Turn it!

Will you get

in that seat?

K-A-5-7-4-9 calling

Rocket Ship M-1.

Rocket Ship M-1,

come in. Over.

Calling Experimental Laboratory.

Calling Experimental Laboratory.

Get me down, will ya?

I want to collect my Social Security.

You can't collect Social

Security until you're 65.

I just aged 30 years.

I'm a nervous...

Hey, Les, look.

What?

Look, Les.

Th-Th-The thing is broken.

I'm gonna get outta here. I'm

trying to find how to operate...

Turn it!

Here we go again!

- Gimme 50 cents.

- What for?

We're goin' through

the Lincoln Tunnel.

Jenkins is really hot today.

What's with you?

Just saw a rocket ship come

out of the Lincoln Tunnel.

Brother,

you've had enough!

We interrupt the ball game

to announce that a rocket ship...

just flew through

the Lincoln Tunnel.

Hey, you. The next time you come so

close to the ground, I'm gonna get out.

Ladies and gentlemen, our mayor has asked

that we all remain calm in this emergency.

Everything possible will

be done to protect you.

On orders from Washington,

the Commander of Strategic Defense...

has alerted

all branches of the service.

This is not the usual

flying saucer scare.

This unidentified aircraft

was seen by thousands...

as it flew through

the Lincoln Tunnel.

Hey, if they no careful,

they gonna have accident.

Anyone sighting

a strange aircraft,

phone your nearest branch

of Civilian Air Defense.

What are we gonna do now? We

either go to Mars or get shot down.

So, we'll go to Mars.

We'll go to Mars. Eh!

Hope she's expectin' me.

What am I sayin'?

Hear this. Hear this.

Attention all pilots.

Concentrate on air search.

Navy will cover

land and sea.

Well.

How you gonna know when

we hit Mars? How do I know?

The whole thing wouldn't have happened

if I don't push those buttons...

Don't touch 'em again!

What's this one for?

The unidentified aircraft,

which terrified New Yorkers,

is now definitely known to have landed

in an isolated region near New Orleans.

They're rushing the militia

to the location.

You'd better call Washington

and identify your ship.

What, and be made the laughingstock of the

world for letting nitwits steal my ship?

So far,

they no do no harm.

The excitement they have caused

may arouse our people from their lethargy...

and show them the need

for civilian defense.

Janie, get me plane reservations

for New Orleans.

Lester!

Don't ever leave me alone. Orville,

do you realize we are the

first persons to land on Mars?

Hey. I hereby claim Mars in the name

of the United States of America.

Me too.

Ooh!

Shh.

Grapes! Big grapes!

Hey, no!

Don't take that off.

Mars might be just like

the moon... no atmosphere.

Without oxygen, you could

drop dead. Here, turn around.

Just as I thought, you big dope. You

forgot to turn on your oxygen generator.

Hey, suppose my tank

gets empty.

Then you have donated your life

to the advancement of science.

No, sir. Not me.

I'm not gonna donate anything

I can't deduct from my income tax.

I don't hear no sound of them

prisons crews. Looks like we lost 'em.

I think we lost ourselves

doin' it.

Go find out what made

that noise. Uh-uh, you go.

Wait. Didn't you tell me

not to leave you alone? Yeah.

If I go, you'll be here

all alone.

That's right.

I never thought of that.

Aah! Aah!

What was it? A zebra without any tail.

Maybe Mars is only inhabited

by animals.

Let's look around. Go ahead. Take it easy.

What'd I see? Them guys are

dressed for the Mardi Gras.

They must've got loaded. They're

a long way from Canal Street.

I wish we was on Canal Street.

Maybe we could get some clothes.

Come on. We'll find some. I am with you.

What's that? If I didn't

see it with my own eyes,

I wouldn't believe it.

Well, what is it?

Are you kiddin'?

That's a spaceship.

Them guys weren't from the

Mardi Gras. They're from Mars.

What's Mars? Is that

near Hoboken? What's Mars?

Mars is a planet. The planet is the

thing that goes revolving around in space.

How'd it get up there? It all

depends on whether you subscribe...

to the Laplacian Theory of 1796 or whether

you subscribe to the Tidal Theory...

formulated by somebody

in 1919.

Gee, it must be wonderful

to have education.

Hey, you don't suppose they got

clothes on board we could steal, do you?

For the first time

since I know you,

you are showing a gleaming of

intelligence. I am with you.

Hey, I thought you told me

things on Mars was different.

Their houses are the

same as ours. Now, listen.

We've got to find the boss man.

Let him know who we are.

Go up there and find out

where he is. Go ahead.

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