About A Boy Page #5

Will bought them for me.

Will?

- The guy who took us to lunch?

- Yeah.

He's sort of become my friend.

He's sort of become your friend?

She kept repeating

the last thing I said.

Except she shouted it.

I go round to his place after school.

You go round to his place after school!

- You see, he doesn't really have a kid.

- He doesn't really have a kid?

Can I play computer games now?

Where does he live?

He's not there at the moment.

He's out to dinner.

Christine had asked me to dinner

for a pep talk.

You will end up childless and alone.

Both fingers crossed, yeah.

You must have a lot of courage.

Why is that, Christine?

Most people need something in their lives

to keep them afloat...

...and you have absolutely nothing.

Doesn't that scare you?

Do you know what you want?

Yes, I do. I'll have the steak-

What the hell are these little

after-school tea parties about?

Hi. Sorry? What did you say?

I was just wondering why a single,

childless man would want to hang out...

...with a 12-year-old boy every day?

You didn't tell your mum

that you've been coming round?

- I think I forgot.

- Tell me what?

What are you doing with my son?

Wait a minute. What are you suggesting here?

- I'm not suggesting anything.

- I think you are.

You were suggesting that

I've been interfering with your son.

I'm simply asking you

why you entertain 12-year-olds in your flat.

- My God!

- Oh, my God!

What do you have to say for yourself?

Well?

Don't "well" me!

Don't "well" me about this!

He comes over uninvited every night!

Do you know why?

He's having the sh*t bullied out of him at school!

And you haven't got a clue.

You send him out like a lamb to the slaughter!

He's been taken to pieces every day of the week,

you daft, f***ing hippie!

I think you're being a bit melodramatic.

Marcus is fine.

Strange. Will had it right, Mum didn't.

It should be the other way around.

You haven't had much contact with kids.

I used to be a bloody kid!

I went to a bloody school.

I know when kids can't settle down

and when kids are miserable!

Look at him, for Christ's sake!

Don't accuse me of being melodramatic.

- This coming from a woman who tried to-

- Cowabunga!

- What's the matter with you?

- Nothing.

I just felt like a shout.

Jesus, what a family.

Will, you're disturbing the other customers.

It's fine. I'm sorry. I'm done.

- Okay, so, you're not...

- What?

No, I'm not! No, I'm not.

Listen, don't worry about it.

I won't open the door to Marcus again, okay?

I'll be glad to be rid of the pair of you, frankly.

Go on. Bugger off.

Sorry.

So that's it, is it?

You're just out of his life, like that.

Excuse me?

Let's say you're right and I'm wrong.

Let's say there's this whole world...

...that I don't understand,

and somehow, miraculously, you do.

What are you going to do about it?

I'm not going to do anything.

He's none of my business.

- You're a selfish bastard.

- That's what I tell him.

- He always puts himself first.

- But I'm on my own.

It's just me.

I'm not putting myself first.

There's nobody else.

Yes, there is!

There's Marcus. You're involved now.

He keeps coming around your bloody house.

You've come into his life for a reason.

You can't just shut him out.

You can't shut life out. "No man is an island. "

- She's right, you know.

- Yeah, she is.

No, she's not! She's wrong!

Some men are islands. I'm a bloody island!

I'm bloody Ibiza!

What are you talking about?

Do you want to come over for Christmas?

No, Marcus, I do not want

to come over for bloody Christmas.

I do not want to spend Christmas

with Miss Granola Suicide and her spawn.

I'd always thought

what you did with Christmas...

...was sort of a statement about

where you stood in life.

I was going to spend this Christmas

the way I usually did.

Watching videos and getting drunk and stoned.

Before you came,

I was all alone.

It is bad to be alone.

Alone, bad.

Friend, good.

Friend, goodl

Now come here.

The good news was it wasn't

just me and Fiona and Marcus.

The bad news was, well...

So, you're Marcus' dad.

Yeah, I guess so.

And this is my girlfriend, Lindsey.

And Lindsey's mum.

Hi there.

- Thanks, Dad.

- That's okay.

I had to hand it to the kid.

He could be enthusiastic

about some truly crap present.

Wow, a tambourine! Thanks, Mum.

Isn't that cool, Will?

Yeah, that'll come in handy.

I saw it and I thought, "This'll be perfect. "

Maybe you can perform at that school concert.

Get a pop group together. Make some friends.

Maybe, Mum.

When you sing,

it brings sunshine and happiness into my heart.

Thanks, Mum.

This one's from me.

Brilliant! What is it?

It's a CD, Marcus.

By Mystikal. They're cool. You'll like them.

And what kind of music is Mystikal?

It's sort of world music.

"Shake Ya Ass. "

Slash rap type thing.

Shake Ya Ass?

Is he Moroccan?

I'm afraid we haven't got a CD player.

It's great anyway.

I know you haven't got a CD player,

so, I got you one of them as well.

What a lucky boy.

Look, Mum.

- Open yours, Will.

- All right. Thanks a lot.

- Marcus, is this a joke?

- Yeah.

It's not bad.

Hi. Sorry, I'm dead late!

- Have I missed anything?

- No, come on in.

- Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas!

Hey!

Long time no see.

Where's Megan?

At her dad's. Where's Ned?

At his mum's for Christmas?

Yeah.

No. I should probably go, shouldn't I?

You could go pose as Santa,

try and shag some carol singers.

Are you a professional Santa?

How lovely!

Right. That's it. I'm off.

Thank you very much. It was great.

Suzie has every right to express her anger.

Yes, and she's expressed it.

Now I have a right to bugger off.

Thanks a lot. 'Bye.

Wait!

He's my friend. I invited him.

I should be able to tell him when to go home.

I haven't told Will to go, Marcus.

Suzie's angry and has every right to be,

and she's telling him so.

She's right, Marcus.

Just leave it, okay?

All he did was make up a kid for a couple weeks.

God, that's nothing. So what? Who cares?

Kids at school do worse than that every day!

The point is, Marcus,

Will left school a long time ago.

He should've grown out

of making people up by now.

- That's for sure.

- It's not fair to gang up on him.

He's been better behaved since then.

He bought me trainers, he lets me go round

to his house and he knows what kids need.

What?

Expensive footwear and obscene music?

If there's something you really need

then we can talk about it.

No, we can't. It's not a discussion,

it's an argument, and you always win.

- Why not just tell me what to do?

- I want you to think for yourself!

I'm thinking for myself! And I want Will to stay!

He's not the only one

who ever did anything wrong!

Remember how we met? Remember why?

Because you-

Because you threw a loaf of bread

at a duck's head and killed it, basically.

Excuse me? What's this about a duck?

Are we having duck? Delicious!

Of course we were not having duck.

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