About A Boy Page #7

he seems to take after you...

...and the way he dresses like you, as well.

I don't think I dress like Marcus, really.

Marcus?

Wait! Hang on. Hang on.

Come on, we're going back.

- He's off his head.

- No, he's not.

He said he'd cut me up into little pieces

and hide me under the floorboards.

- He did?

- No.

But I'm sure he's capable of it.

It'll be different. You'll like it, I promise.

Marcus, Ali has something to say to you.

Doesn't he?

Sorry, Marcus.

I didn't mean to say those things.

It's okay, Ali.

Ali finds all this very difficult.

Yeah, so does Marcus.

Don't you, mate?

You know, I mean, divorced parents...

...and not knowing

how to feel about new people.

Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely the way I feel.

Ali didn't get along

with the last bloke I went out with.

- He was a liar!

- All right, darling.

He wasn't 100 percent good news.

- I'm not saying that you and I are.

- That's okay.

He fancies you. He told me.

- Thanks a lot, mate.

- Oh, dear.

Cheers, mate.

Don't look so worried, sweetheart.

Ellie!

- Marcus? What, are you stalking me?

- No.

Too bad. Made me feel like a celebrity.

Yeah, but I didn't know that then, did I, sexy?

All I'm saying is, you know, watch out.

It just looks a bit more like owner and pet

than boyfriend and girlfriend.

At least I'm honest.

What does that mean?

It's just that you and Rachel...

What? What does that mean?

I don't know,

I think there's a problem with you and Rachel.

I mean, like, you want to be with her

but she thinks you have a son.

And you don't.

If you're going to be with someone...

...shouldn't you tell them things like that?

No.

I mean, you know, like the truth.

What's wrong with you?

But later that night,

when I was on my own...

...I remembered the deal

Marcus was prepared to strike.

Yes, I wanted to touch Rachel.

But at this moment, if I had the choice...

...I'd settle for the less and the more

that Marcus wanted.

Jesus, was I turning into Marcus?

Would he be buying me shoes soon?

I took his advice and told Rachel the truth.

Or very nearly the truth.

That I wasn't Marcus' natural father.

And that is not natural seaweed.

The problem was, once I told the truth,

I knew there'd be more questions.

I don't get it. If you're not his natural father...

...and you don't live with him,

then how is he your son?

Yeah, I see.

It must look very confusing from the outside.

Tell me how it is on the inside.

It's just one of those long, boring stories.

Look, do you want to move on to wine?

You want some Chinese rice wine, miss?

You would like to try,

I suspect, the Panang Paneng.

Yeah?

No.

Tell me about your relationship with Ali.

- Is that as complicated as mine and Marcus'?

- No.

I slept with his father,

and then nine months later I gave birth.

Pretty straight forward.

Yeah. I envy you that.

I'm really sorry to harp on about this

but I haven't got it all worked out yet.

You are Marcus' stepfather,

but you don't live with him or with his mother.

No, you see, wait.

I never said he was my son.

Did I?

The words "I have a son called Marcus,"

never escaped my lips.

It's what you chose to believe.

Yeah. Right.

It's me that's the fantasist.

I wanted to believe that you had a son,

so I let my imagination run riot.

Obviously I played a part, I can see that.

No! Not at all.

I met you and I thought, "Cute guy.

"God, if only he had a son.

A geeky, teenage kid, if possible. "

Then you turned up at my house

with Marcus, and bingo!

Now I made this crazy link

'cause of some deep psychological need in me.

You shouldn't beat yourself up about it.

It could have happened to anyone.

The first time I met you

I thought you were a bit blank.

But then you changed my mind.

Maybe I was right.

- Rachel, listen.

- Yes?

I'm sorry, you're right.

I am a blank.

I'm really nothing.

I don't know what the hell I was thinking of,

I'm sorry.

'Bye, Ellie.

Marcus! My man!

Bye, Marcus!

See you, Marcus!

Mum?

So, if z = 17, does x 2?

Marcus?

I didn't know what the answer was.

I didn't know what "x" equaled.

And I didn't know how to help my mum.

And then I realized.

There was something she said

I could do for her.

- I'm thinking of singing at the school concert.

- You? At the rock concert?

I don't think that would be

a very good idea, Marcus.

Will you accompany me?

All I've got is a tambourine.

No, I'm sorry. It's suicide.

I mean, they'll crucify you.

Mum's at it again.

- At what? Sorry.

- What do you mean, what?

The crying.

She sits in the house all day, crying.

She does it in the mornings, too.

It's as bad now as it was

before the Dead Duck Day.

Marcus, I'm sorry, mate...

...I'm a bit busy at the moment.

You're busy? Doing what?

- Didn't you hear me?

- I heard you.

- What do you want me to do about it?

- I don't know.

- You could talk to her.

- Yeah? And what would I say?

- I don't know!

- Why would she listen to me?

Who am I to her?

- I'm nobody.

- You're not nobody.

- You're-

- Who? Who do you think I am?

Who do you think you are?

You come here uninvited,

you disrupt my life, you screw things up.

What do you want from me?

This isn't my problem.

I'm not your family, mate. I'm not.

I'm not your uncle.

I'm not your big brother.

We've established pretty firmly

that I'm not your father, either, am I?

But...

I'll tell you what I am.

I'm the guy who's really good at

choosing trainers or records, okay?

That's it. I can't help you with real things.

I can't help you with anything

that means anything.

You could try.

You're right.

You can't help me.

How could you?

You're a stupid person who watches TV all day...

...and buys things.

You don't give a sh*t about anybody,

and nobody gives a sh*t about you!

Mum said my singing brought

sunshine and happiness...

...into her life.

So I'd do it, even if it meant mine was over.

Look, Mum.

My life is made up of units of time.

Buying CDs:
Two units.

Eating lunch:
Three units.

Exercising:
Two units.

All in all, I had a very full life.

It's just that it didn't mean anything.

"Look who's coming

round the bend"

The fact was there was only one thing

that meant something to me:

Marcus. He was the only thing

that meant something to me.

And Fiona was the only thing

that meant something to him.

And she was about to fall off the edge.

Single parents alone together!

Single parents alone together!

All for one and one for all!

- Fiona!

- Will, we haven't seen you for a while.

How's Ned?

Who? He's a load of crap. He doesn't exist.

Yeah, I made him up.

- You made him up?

- Yeah.

- To meet women.

- You're sick.

- Fiona, I've got to talk to you.

- Go ahead.

No, you know, properly talk to you, privately.

No, this is a circle of truth.

Whatever you have to say,

you can say it in front of everybody.

Okay. Please don't try

and commit suicide again.

I can't believe you just said that.

That is my private experience.

Yeah, well, that's the thing, isn't it? It's not.

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