About Last Night... Page #2

Listen. Listen.

- I'm a flower.

- Okay, you're my flower.

Okay, you know what you're gonna do?

You're gonna sit on me.

- That's it!

- Okay.

- I'm going to sit on you, okay. Okay.

- Come here.

- Oh, my God, what is that?

- You flushed it!

You can turn that thing off.

It's work.

I should go. I have to get

up early in the morning.

Can I walk you out?

Yeah, sure.

Are you serious?

Yep.

So, you lived in L.A. six years and

you've never been to a Dodgers game?

Nope.

I have killer seats. I'll take you.

Are you asking me out?

Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Debbie?

Deborah Sullivan.

- Hello, Terrell. It's been a while.

- Six months.

You're too good to return my calls?

B*tch move, Deb.

It's okay. He's taken one too

many hits to the head, clearly.

- So, this you now?

- This is me.

Suit yourself. Life is short.

And so is he.

- He's corny.

- Yeah.

- Remember that 95% epic failure?

- Yeah.

- Exhibit A.

- Really?

Yep.

I'm sorry, was that weird?

No, I'll be your fake

boyfriend whenever you want.

But I wouldn't do this.

All right, so, what would you

do if you were my boyfriend?

- It's nice, right?

- Very, very.

What else?

Well...

I've wanted to put my

hand here all night.

Then what?

Then I'd probably lean

in, kind of like this.

You don't have to rush off.

Hi.

Hi.

I do, actually.

It's been a slice of heaven,

really, but I have to go home now.

- Let me turn the light on.

- No, no, no! No need to do that.

- Why?

- It's a rule of mine.

You got a lot of rules, lady.

You need this?

There it is, yeah.

Thanks for that.

Should I walk you out?

No, we both know what happened

the last time you did that.

That kind of makes me wanna

walk you out even more, though.

Great. Thanks!

I can't believe I slept

with him on the first date.

It wasn't even your date.

It was mine. Tell me everything.

His eyes, his body, his mouth.

He didn't!

You lucky b*tch!

- Bernie doesn't?

- Of course not.

- Why not?

- Well, you ask him.

Joan, where the bathroom at, baby?

Bernie?

Why don't you like cunnilingus?

I don't even know who the b*tch is.

What are you talking about?

Hey.

I should go in there right now and

force him to wear the thigh muffs.

Yeah.

Just remember, everything is covered

under a full service warranty.

Food handler and VIP branch.

Temperature and cut resistant.

Hey, can I call you

right back? Thanks.

Yo.

Hey. You cover for

me with the Hobbit?

Yeah, I told him you

went to the dentist.

You might want to actually brush

your teeth to make it believable.

That's funny, Danny.

That's real funny.

Hey! Let's start

this day off right.

'Sup, boy?

- I'm shaking your hand.

- Why?

'Cause I'm congratulating you

on growing your dick back.

You banged Debbie, man.

How do you know this?

'Cause she told me after I

banged her this morning.

You see I'm wearing the same stuff.

I'm lying, dude. Your girl,

my girl, they roommates.

- She's not my girl.

- You want her to be your girl.

She's not my girl!

I dare you to look at me with those

little icy, baby blue eyes of yours

and tell me that you don't

want her to be your girl.

I just met her. It was nothing

but about last night.

- Did you text her, Danny?

- I don't have her number.

You're gonna get it. After all that nasty

stuff you did last night, she gonna find you.

Hey, what do you think of her?

You just didn't care and now you

want to know what I think of her?

I think she looks good, I think she's

smart, dude, straight-up wife material.

Or she could be Alison

all over again.

Now, I'm gonna be a good friend and

pretend you didn't just say that.

I'm gonna act like I didn't see you check

your Facebook for friend requests.

Hey, buddies, dudes, compadres.

Bernie, corporate office guys are here.

They did not buy the dentist thing.

So should I tell them you were...

I was eating p*ssy

all night, Keller.

Wow, hey, nice.

- Why is corporate here?

- Asset review.

They just showed up. I was

like, "What, no phone call?"

They were like, "if you try to be funny

again, we're gonna rip your throat out."

Which is, like, so them, you know?

Anyway, Bernie, luckily,

you're prepared, right?

- Sure am, boss.

- Let's do it.

Follow you, my fearless leader.

Go get 'em.

Really?

Clean it up, b*tch.

Stop, I'm playing.

Debbie, are you with us?

- Did you?

- Yeah.

Where you going, Danny?

Danny, what are you doing?

Are you gonna go see

your little f***-buddy?

- Hey.

- I'm serious, don't go. Okay?

If you stay, I'll let

you see the taint.

- No.

- I wanna show it to you.

- F***, man, I gotta go!

- You gonna go look at Debbie's taint?

Yeah, it's much better than yours.

James has seen my taint!

You saw it.

Bernie!

- Well, it just depends on your monthly sales.

- Bernie...

- Where's Danny?

- I don't know, ask him.

I would if I could find the man.

Debbie, where are you?

I need one more teeth

cleaning for my log.

Hey, if you're with

Danny, don't brush after,

I need a challenge.

Okay, that's enough.

I will hurt you in this chair.

- There you go.

- Thank you, Case.

Thanks again for

covering my ass, Danny.

And I'll get you the last two

months next week. I promise.

Don't take this the wrong

way, I'm just curious.

Why can't you pay your bill?

You got customers.

Yeah, Casey, everybody's

inside drinking.

Yeah, but that doesn't

mean they're paying.

Why? Are you running tabs?

What is this, 1978?

Look, what do you want me to do?

They're my regulars.

- Get 'em MasterCards.

- It's tough times right now.

That's not your problem.

It is my problem.

These are my friends.

Casey, you gotta start looking

at these guys as your customers.

- Damn sure do, Case.

- That's your problem.

What is up with you? Did you

get back together with Alison?

- He's f***ing this new chick.

- Good, I'm real happy for you.

Not for nothing, when

you were with Alison,

you weren't the coolest guy in

the world to hang around with.

Just saying.

Thanks again.

- Hey, you going to the movies tonight?

- I don't know.

Are you coming to the movies tonight,

or are you gonna flake again?

I don't know.

Why? Is Danny coming?

You know, it would be good for you

two to go out in public together

instead of being vampires.

I've never done the serious

relationship thing,

but I smell not ready all over him.

Well, maybe you're not

sniffing in the right places.

Hello?

I'm sorry, I don't

mean to bother you.

You were the only house with the

lights on. I just lost control of my car.

Whooped your ass, boy.

And I gave you a head start.

- Why you bail on me on Saturday?

- I was busy.

Doing what? Writing in your diary?

If you don't want to

deal with Debbie,

why don't you just stop putting

parts of you in parts of her?

- Do you have a problem with that?

- Actually, I do.

Okay, you not the one that's getting

an earful from Joan, man. I am!

Nothing makes you more unattractive than

your best friend dicking over her friend.

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