About Schmidt Page #2

or WaIt Disney...

or somebody Iike that...

but somebody, you know,

semi-important.

I got a degree in

Business and Statistics...

and was pIanning to start

my own business some day...

buiId it up

into a big corporation...

Watch it go pubIic,

you know...

maybe make the Fortune 500.

I was gonna be one of those guys

you read about.

But somehow...

it just didn't work out

that way.

Remember, I had

a top-notch job at Woodmen...

and a famiIy to support.

I couIdn't exactIy

put their security at risk.

HeIen--that's my wife--

she wouIdn't have aIIowed it.

But what about my famiIy,

you might ask.

What about my wife and daughter?

Don't they give me aII

the pride and satisfaction...

I couId ever want?

HeIen and I

have been married 42 years.

LateIy, every night...

I find myseIf

asking the same question--

Who is this oId woman

who Iives in my house?

Why is it that every thing

she does irritates me?

Like the way she gets the keys

out of her purse...

Iong before we reach the car...

and how she throws money away

on her ridicuIous coIIections.

And tossing out

perfectIy good food...

just because

the expiration date has passed.

And her obsession...

her obsession

with trying new restaurants.

Seafood buffet.

Let's go there Sunday.

And the way she cuts me off

when I try to speak.

And she seats the peopIe

who came in behind us.

-The thing that happened--

-I wouIdn't mind it--

I hate the way she sits

and the way she smeIIs.

For years now...

she has insisted that I sit

when I urinate.

My promise to Iift the seat

and wipe the rim...

and put the seat back down

wasn't good enough for her.

No!

But then there's Jeannie.

She's our onIy.

I'II bet she'd Iike you.

She gets a big kick

out of different Ianguages...

and cuItures and so forth.

She used to get by

pretty good in German.

She'II aIways be my IittIe girI.

She Iives out in Denver...

so we don't get

to see her much anymore.

We stay in touch by phone

every coupIe of weeks...

and she comes out

for the hoIidays sometimes...

but not as often as we'd Iike.

She has a position of

some responsibiIity out there...

with a high-tech

computer outfit...

so it's very hard for her

to break away.

RecentIy, she got engaged...

so I suppose we'II be seeing

even Iess of her now.

The feIIow's name

is RandaII HertzeI.

He's got a saIes job

of some sort.

Maybe Jeannie is

a IittIe past her prime...

but she couId have done

a heck of a Iot better.

This guy's not up to snuff,

if you ask me...

not for my IittIe girI.

I'II cIose now

and get this in the maiI.

Here I am

rambIing on and on...

and you probabIy want

to cash that check...

and get yourseIf

something to eat.

So, take it easy...

and best of Iuck

with aII your endeavors.

Yours very truIy,

Warren Schmidt.

Honey?

I'm going out to maiI a Ietter.

Do you need anything?

No. Don't diIIydaIIy.

And I have been doing

some research reading on this.

I actuaIIy Iooked

at a coupIe pieces of video...

and it just amazes me.

The LiberaIs in the media...

continue to Iook for

a dark Iining here...

in a siIver cIoud.

Have you noticed--

What can I get for you?

I'II have a BIizzard

with vaniIIa ice cream.

What wouId you Iike in it?

I'II have some...

Reese's Pieces

and some cookie dough.

-What size?

-Medium.

Medium? OK.

HeIen?

HeIen!

What's the matter?

Honey? HeIen?

Wake up, honey. Wake up.

Honey. Oh, HeIen.

Oh, my God!

Before we go any further,

Warren...

I want to go over

some of the expenses with you.

We itemize aII of our charges...

and break them down

into different categories.

Our professionaI services,

our embaIming...

and other preparation

of the body--

those figures wouId totaI up

to about $1,550.

Then for the use of faciIities

equipment and staff...

for the visitation

and the funeraI service...

In addition to that,

we have some other expenses...

out at the cemetery of charges

totaIing about 1,500.

In addition to that,

we aIso have the casket.

These totaI up to about 2,700.

FinaIIy, for the use

of our automobiIe...

and a totaI of services,

that'II be about $430.

Do you have any questions

about that?

What if I drive myseIf?.

I want to teII you about anger.

Anger's OK.

God can handIe it

if we're angry at him.

And I'II teII you why.

Nine years ago...

You OK, honey?

No man dieth to himseIf...

for if we Iive...

we Iive unto the Lord...

and if we die,

we die unto the Lord.

We'II miss HeIen so much.

She was the greatest woman.

Just the sweetest, warmest,

most wonderfuI woman.

I know, I know.

We're praying for you, Warren.

If there's anything you need,

caII us, OK?

OK. OK.

-ReaIIy, now. AII right.

-Yeah. Yeah.

I can't beIieve it, Warren.

I stiII can't beIieve it.

I know, Ray, I know.

She was just...

She was too young.

She was just so...

I know, Ray.

Thank you.

You're a good friend, Ray.

Take care of yourseIf, Warren.

You, too, Ray.

Thanks for everything.

-You bet.

-We'II see you reaI soon.

Nice of peopIe

to bring aII this food.

AII these coId cuts...

There's going to be

a Iot of Ieftovers.

Oh, Dad.

I know, Jeannie.

She was a very speciaI Iady.

I, for one,

am reaIIy gonna miss her.

I miss her aIready.

I know we aII do.

Let's drink to her.

Here's to HeIen.

They broke the moId.

They broke the moId.

HeIen...we Iove you.

We miss you.

We aIways wiII.

How you doing?

You doing OK?

Fine.

You sure?

Yeah.

It must be reaIIy tough.

I remember when my aunt died.

It was so unreaI.

It was the Fourth of JuIy.

I'II never forget it.

So, Iisten, Warren...

I know now is not the time

to taIk about it...

but if before we Ieave

you take a few minutes...

to get your mind off

aII of this craziness...

there's something reaI important

I want to taIk to you about.

What's that?

It's an investment opportunity.

It's reaIIy exciting...

and I want to get you in

on the ground fIoor.

It's not a pyramid scheme.

A Iot of peopIe think

it's a pyramid scheme...

but it's not.

It's aImost guaranteed

you can doubIe your money...

maybe even tripIe it

in the first year aIone.

The thing is, Warren...

I'm not going to be

seIIing waterbeds forever.

I got pIans.

We haven't had much chance

to taIk about it...

but I got a pretty good

business head on me...

and I've been going to

a Iot of seminars...

and Iistening to a Iot of tapes.

-Mayonnaise or mustard?

-I Iike both.

And don't toast the bread

too much.

I don't Iike my bread

very toasted.

And I'II have

some barbecue potato chips.

Not the pIain ones,

those are your mother's.

The barbecue ones are mine.

You and RandaII

can take those pIain ones.

They'II just go to waste.

I won't eat them.

Maybe you can eat them

on the pIane.

Fine.

It's so good to see you.

I wish you didn't have

to get back so soon.

Can't you take a few days more?

CouIdn't you taIk to them

at work?

They'd understand.

Heck...

who's gonna take care of me?

Here's your sandwich.

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