About Time Page #4

muffins, I think.

Never trust a blueberry.

Okay, I'll be back in a tick.

You two are such

a lovely couple.

Bit weird.

He's cute.

I like him.

Yeah, me too.

Hello. Do I know you?

No, no, no.

I'm a friend of Mary's.

She has another friend? Gosh,

you amaze me. But hooray.

Ooh. Hotdog?

Took me hours.

Made them myself.

Thanks.

Disgusting.

Totally undercooked.

See you later.

Why don't we go upstairs,

it's a bit quieter?

Hi. Hi.

I'm Tim.

Mary.

That's my mother's name.

Let's not get into that.

Um... I know this is forward but

your face tells me that you're finding

this party to be a living hell.

So, I just wondered

if you might come

and have a bite to

eat with me instead?

Right now.

I'm sorry?

Obviously, I should have

thought this through more.

Let's talk about Kate Moss.

I love Kate Moss.

I always think the key thing

with her is the history,

you know, the informality of her early

shots compared to high fashion stuff

so you always know that underneath

she's still just the same

cheeky normal girl

naked on the beach.

The beach.

I agree with you completely.

?f we leave now then we can have,

you know, more than one starter.

I love your eyes.

And I love the rest

of your face, too.

More than one starter?

10 amazing starters.

After you. Thanks.

Ten minutes is long enough

for any party, I think.

Yeah.

Especially that one.

Evening, all.

God! What a d*ckhead.

Yeah.

So, what do you do?

I'm a reader at a publisher.

No! You read for a living?

Yes, that's it. I read.

That's so great.

?t's like someone asking,

?'What do you do

?'for a living??'

?'Well, I breathe.

?'l'm a breather,

I get paid for breathing.?'

How did you get that job? Okay,

smart-ass, what do you do?

I am a lawyer.

Sort of. Sort of.

That's sexy.

Is it?

I mean, I think so.

In a suit, in a court, saving

people's lives. Kinda sexy.

I guess it is. Although it's

not as sexy as reading.

Sitting there in an office,

in a little chair reading.

Okay, stop. Ooh!

Just wait right there,

mister, because

a lot of books get

submitted to my publisher.

So it's an immense

responsibility.

I bet it is.

But when you do normal reading,

is it ruined because it's your job?

You know, like prostitutes?

I always worry that when

they stop being prostitutes

that they can't

enjoy sex any more.

You always worry about that?

No, I sometimes worry about it.

Good. Okay.

Because someone who always worried

about that would be a bit of a worry.

When you read a newspaper,

do you think,?'Forget this, it's work?'?

Have you interviewed

a lot of prostitutes?

When you read a menu,

do you think,

?'No, I'm not reading this,

unless you pay me hard cash.?'

How many prostitutes will you need to

talk to before this issue is solved?

Are you planning to head to

Eastern Europe and Thailand?

Um... Would you like

to walk me to my car?

Yes. Why not? Okay.

Sounds like a good idea.

What about you?

Yeah, I have

three older brothers.

God. Yeah.

Where are they?

Behind you.

Did you have trouble parking?

Pardon?

?t's just such

a long way to your car.

Well, my car's

actually parked outside

my house.

I got a lift to the party.

Okay.

That's good. That's perfect.

Okay.

And here we are.

My God. Yeah.

Car, house. House, car.

?t makes perfect sense.

?t's very logical.

Christ.

Um...

Keys!

I'm gonna go into the bedroom

and put on my new pyjamas.

Right.

And then in a minute you can

come in and take them off.

?f you want to.

One minute.

Hi.

God. Are you... Are you okay?

Yeah.

Sorry.

That's okay.

?t's a front opener.

?t's a what?

?t opens from the front.

Yeah, no, yeah, of course.

Thanks. Sure.

Ooh! Well done.

I'm sure it'll be

better next time.

I thought it was pretty lovely.

Right, no,

it was really lovely.

In fact, can you

just give me one minute?

Okay.

Hi.

Dangerous.

You really know your bras.

I like to think so.

Well done. Some people make a

real mess of it the first time.

Amateurs.

Could you give me one second?

Sure.

I couldn't wait.

My goodness.

Best night of my entire life. And now

I've got a suspicion I'm gonna have

the best sleep

of my entire life.

So once is enough

for my perfect guy?

I'm not sure

that's entirely fair.

We're late. No, we're not.

?t'll be fine. it's only...

My God.

Bye.

Don't worry,

you're coming with.

I'm taking you home!

Bye. Bye. Bye.

No!

Okay. I have some bad news.

You're dying? No, not that bad.

I'm dying? No.

My parents are in town. They're

visiting and they're coming around.

God. Parents?

American parents?

When? Now.

They told me and

I didn't tell you

and I thought they'd cancel because

they normally do and they didn't.

Now now? Now now.

So you should probably

put on some pants.

God. Okay, okay.

I'm

sorry, I'm sorry.

Do

they know I exist?

Yeah. I've mentioned something

like you, but nothing very specific.

Yeah, they're quite conservative,

so maybe not those pants.

Okay. Yeah.

God. Okay.

Could you just stall them.

Stall them.

Come on up.

What? I'm sorry, they

don't like waiting.

Okay. Do I live here?

Definitely not.

Are we having sex?

Yeah. But not oral.

I wasn't gonna mention oral.

Okay, good, don't. How did you

think that was gonna come up?

Could you help me

with this, please?

I don't know. if it does,

just deny it completely.

Who's gonna bring it up?

Your dad?

?'Tim, had any cunnilingus

with my daughter recently??'

Well, you never know.

Okay.

Okay. Ready? Yeah.

They're there.

They are, yeah.

Yeah, right behind you.

Okay. Right, okay.

Dad! Hello, sweet.

Mom. Hi. Hi, honey.

This is Tim.

Hello, sir. Ma'am.

Should we come back when you

haven't got any company, or...

Well, that would be

quite difficult

because Tim

actually lives here.

Really? With you?

Yes. Yeah, but no

oral sex, I promise you.

I beg your pardon?

Excuse me.

So, Tim, tell us where are you

from, which part of the country?

He's from Cornwall.

Yeah, it's really pretty.

?t's that little bit right at the

end, sort of looks like a shoe.

And you're a lawyer,

is that right?

Yep, that's right.

And he never loses.

You don't think he's gonna win, then he

just pulls something out of the bag and,

what do you know,

he wins again.

Do you ever answer

any of your own questions?

I...

Yes, he does. Usually he does,

but not today because I'm doing

all the talking

because I'm really nervous

and I kinda love him and I just...

l want you to, too.

Honey.

Sorry. Tim. Over to you.

Shoot.

Yeah, I think my dad...

Can I just say one more thing?

Um...

Thank God that's over.

I got given two tickets

for the National Theatre

tomorrow. Do you wanna come?

No, so not. I'm just

gonna sleep all day.

I don't see why going to the theatre

should get in the way of that.

Many of the best sleeps of my life have

happened in the Royal Shakespeare Company.

No, you take someone else.

I really like bed and

I really hate theatre.

Quite right.

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