Abracadabra Page #3

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- Pepe, don't make me nervous.

Hurry up! Let's go!

Take me to your gynecologist

so I can suck his finger!

Nice try, Celes,

no chance you're f***ing her!

- Rogelio.Rogelio!

- What is it?

There's a monkey on the crane!

What?

You heard me!

A monkey.

A f***ing chimpanzee!

How could there be a monkey?

Maybe it escaped from the zoo.

It stole my sandwich.

Can you see it, Rogelio?

The f***er is right here!

No! I don't see nothing!

Right here on the cab!

Carlos!

Motherf***er!

Come down right now!

- What's going on?

- Carlos, you're going to kill yourself!

Gimme my sandwich!

Look! I can be a monkey too.

I'm in charge here, a**hole.

Look!

Check me out on the jungle gym!

What the...

Come here!

Give me back my sandwich.

That's my sandwich, motherf***er!

Don't come in tomorrow.

Take a few days off.

I'll call you.

We could put this on YouTube.

Go on, back to work!

Dr. Fumetti?

Yes, we've got it.

Tomorrow?

Today. Today.

Can't it be today?

OK.

See you tomorrow.

Goodbye, maestro.

- We should call the police.

- Great idea!

To tell them the spirit of a murderer

has possessed your husband?

Why are you home so early?

What's wrong, Carlos?

Where's Toi?

Where's Toi?

Toi! Sweetheart! Toi!

Mom! What is it?

You're going to stay with your aunt!

- Why?

- Because I say so. End of story.

- But...

- Shush! No arguments.

I swear I saw the monkey.

I believe you.

I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy.

Of course you're not, honey.

Then what's happening to me?

Look at you two!

You're pathetic.

Are you getting a divorce?

I don't even care!

There...

Keep the change.

Let me give you some advice, ma'am.

If you find out he's cheating,

take justice into your own hands,

...like Taxi Driver.

Look.

I can loan it to you.

Pretty realistic, huh?

It's only a toy!

Lady!

You're a stunner.

You'll soon find another macho man.

Hello?

Carmen, you need to see this.

- What is it?

- I'll tell you when you get here.

Where?

THE WEEKLY REPOR THE CARABANCHEL SLAUGHTER

Mental patient or murderer?

The slaughter in Carabanchel

has reignited the debate...

...about the treatment

of schizophrenia in our country.

On December 21st,

...at his home in Carabanchel,

Alberto Cantero, aged 28,

...slit the throat of his mother,

60 year-old Encarnacin Rojas,

...with an electric knife,

completely severing her head.

The killer then went to "La Noria",

a wedding banquet venue...

...where he worked as a waiter.

We were there for my nephew's wedding!

I know.

That's why I called you.

Once inside,

he used a large kitchen knife...

...to attack several guests

at the banquet being held there,

...killing seven

and seriously injuring three others.

Moments later,

Alberto Cantero took his own life.

We have obtained

video footage that was filmed...

...by one of the victims that day.

WARNING. Some viewers may find

the following images disturbing.

How could you show me this?

Peter, I told you to give me time.

- I'm risking everything here.

-I know, but we had no choice.

- What are we doing here?

- Who knows, go with it!

- Where's the envelope?

- The envelope.

You'll have to put these on.

INTENSIVE CARE UNI We're gonna go all out tonight!

Three cheers for the bride!

Hip hip...

...hooray!

- Three cheers for the bride!

- Hip hip hooray!

Which one?

What?

Choose one. Come on!

- Either?

- One.

Pepe...

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,

Catch a tiger by the toe.

If he hollers, let him go,

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

That one.

"Mariano Caadas."

"Bronchogenic carcinoma."

He's at death's door.

Come closer.

- Your husband's belonging?

- He's not my husband!

- Whatever! Where is it?

- Do you have it?

Give it to him.

- What the hell is that?

- What does it look like?

- Now put them on Mariano.

- What?

We don't have much time!

- He's got a diaper on!

- Take it off.

The item belonging to the spirit...

...must be in direct contact

with the medium or it won't work.

Oh, my God!

Clean him up.

No! You're the one

whose husband is possessed.

Really?

And whose fault was that?

Hurry up!

OK, but you take the diaper off.

Done.

- Now what?

- It's very simple.

Mariano already has one foot

in the grave. He's the living dead.

A superconductor.

An intercom to the afterlife.

Alberto, are you there?

Alberto, can you hear me?

Alberto, if you're there,

give me a sign.

Alberto?

Albertito?

Can you hear me?

Tito.

- Sh*t!

- F***ing hell!

Alberto, is that you?

What?

Is that you?

Yes, it's me.

You're the dentist!

I'm Dr. Fumetti.

How long are you

going to be among us?

- What do you mean?

- When will you leave Carlos's body?

Oh, that. When I die.

But you're already long dead!

Alberto, you have to leave.

You have to go!

Carmen, sweetheart.

What are you doing here?

Alberto, I'm begging you,

...you have to leave my husband.

You have to go back to your world.

But I want to be with you.

That's not possible, Alberto.

That's not possible.

Please. You have to go.

No.

- Yes, Alberto.

- No!

- Yes.

- No!

No! No!

No!

No!

No!

Then you leave me no choice!

What are you doing?

- Help me!

- What are you doing?

- Help me!

- Pepe, don't!

Are you two crazy?

Stop it!

What do you care?

Press down!

Help me!

Hold him!

You f***ing b*tch!

You're not getting your money back!

Maestro!

Thank you, my love.

I'll see you later at home.

I'm going to work.

Pepe, where the hell are you?

We have to find Carlos.

He hasn't come in.

And he'd better not.

Josemi, hurry it up.

I've seen snails move faster!

- Are you the extra help?

- Yes.

Two prawns, two croquettes

and two cherry tomatoes per person!

Long time no see, Benito.

How's Concha?

We separated 15 years ago.

I'm sorry.

I want this full of trays!

May I?

That's fine. Thanks.

Excuse me.

Who brought the monkey?

Excuse me.

Do these contain gluten?

Help. Help me...

Hang in there!

Don't just stand there.

Get moving.

Come on, guys. Keep it moving!

There he is.

We have to go in there.

Yes. But not looking like this.

Kiss, kiss, kiss...

Kiss, kiss, kiss...

I can't see him.

Save some for tomorrow!

There he is!

Pepe, we have to do something.

Do you have eyeliner?

My love, what are you doing here?

Did you see the monkey?

It's gone.

It's not coming back.

It's alright, love.

It's gone, don't worry.

Ladies and gentlemen,

...at the request of the groom,

it is my pleasure to introduce...

...a hypnosis show

like no other in the world...

...that will open the door

to the fourth dimension.

I give you, the one and only...

Peter Strauss!

Good evening and welcome.

Tonight I want to take you

on a journey into the beyond.

But I need two volunteers.

Two volunteers.

No!

A round of applause.

I want you to keep

a close eye on my hands.

Don't take your eyes off my finger.

Gradually,

...you'll feel your eyelids...

...getting heavy.

Your eyes feel heavy.

You're getting sleepy, very sleepy.

One... two... three...

Sleep.

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