Absolute Beginners Page #2

Opening with a selection of

costumes de baigneuses,

with a touch of rococo,

in aquamarine,

bouteille, and nuit.

Decorated with cerulean oysters,

pearled fish, scallop shells

and shimmering starfish.

Guaranteed to sink any passing ship.

And for evening wear,

our shell and mermaid creations

in crepuscule and turquoise

and inlaid with over

18,000 Majorcan pearls.

And for the more daring among you,

our latest bikini styles

in oyster and coral motifs.

Henley, you have got to be kidding.

I mean, you are not seriously

going to show these gowns in Paris.

Honey, they will laugh you

off the stage.

And, Henley, hemlines can't come down.

They've got to go up.

Really, Dido, there's nothing worse

than the back of a woman's knees.

They remind me of uncooked rock cakes.

Somebody help me!

- Oh, God, Suzette.

- I'm just taking off my...

Oh, Colin.

I said I wouldn't do this.

And here I am doing it.

A few painless shots,

and I can pay for dinner.

That's what I call integrity.

But you've never heard it

like this, Mr. Charms.

It's a sure-fire hit.

Just look at these fame-starved urchins

putting on the agony,

all trying to sing like hillbillies,

just praying for Harry Charms

to snap them up

and sell them into pop slavery.

I mustn't throw stones,

especially not at Americans.

Yanks invented teenagers.

England for the English, and all that.

But being anti-Yank's

a sure sign of defeat.

I've got the tickets for

the Stravinsky recital.

Harry Charms, I've got an appointment.

He's in there.

Do me a favor,

don't drive me mad down there.

He was precious, all right.

Loonies.

And very nasty in the wrong hands.

Listen.

You know the three

most useless things in the world?

The Pope's balls, a nun's tits,

and a good write-up

in The Record Mirror.

Harry Charms?

- Who are you?

- My name's Colin.

Sonya, how many times

do I have to tell you...

- Suzette sent me.

- Oh.

I've come about the dirty pictures.

Dirty pictures? No, no, no.

Where'd she get that idea from?

Do you mind?

This is the Harry Charms Stable

of Stars.

Each one a star in their own right.

Come and sit down.

No, over here.

Whitey Britain, Charles Harold,

Zesty Boy Swift.

All my own discoveries.

And over here...

At least one more, maybe two.

They don't know it yet.

Neither do I, for sure.

Right, come in here and have a look.

All right, settle down, everybody.

All right, stars?

Right.

It's not just their talent,

you see, it's mine.

Look at this.

Stand up. No, not you, you.

No, not right. Who else?

You, let's have a look at you.

I'm a great drummer.

Too many cream buns.

Naming them, taming them,

famousing them up.

Oh, he's very musical.

Oh, he's a great mover...

Leave it out, Mum.

You could be right.

Well, Colin, I've got a new song.

With your help,

I'm gonna make it a hit.

Well, there's gonna be some changes

What a mover.

Around the garbage can

Get a shot, Colin, get a shot.

When you lean, lean right forward.

That's good, baby.

It's a hit. We've got a hit.

I can feel it.

I may look like a little kitten

That's good. Give it to us, baby.

Boom it out. Yeah! Ooh!

Look out, big cat,

a little cat's moving in

Yeah, yeah.

Now move your hips.

Move your hips forward, back.

Now twirl them around.

Come on, baby, boom it out, baby!

Sing it, baby.

Baby, boom it!

Baby Boom!

Baby Boom! That's it!

Get a shot of Baby Boom.

Until I start to roar

- Come on, Suzette, I need to go.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll pin you underneath.

Oh, God, I'm caught!

Stop, Camilla. Stop.

- Get off!

- Stop.

Will you get off?

Oh!

Oh, Henley, you've been

holding out on me, you rascal, you.

Watch it, will you?

Oh, I love this look.

What do you call it?

Henley, this is one of yours?

I'll bloody well get you for this!

There she is! Her!

Oh! Bravo, bravo.

Get her!

Ooh!

Va-va-voom!

Heya!

Oh, Henley, you're a genius.

Get this.

I'll bloody well get you for this.

- It's a very exclusive club.

- It's here somewhere.

I know I had it. I had it...

What seems to be the problem?

This gentleman, sir.

Look out. What are you doing?

I don't think she'd appreciate

your presence here right now.

- Come on.

- What's that supposed to mean?

Come on, boys!

Look at that!

Disgraceful!

- Fantastic!

- Wow!

Henley! Henley! Henley! Henley!

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you, thank you,

ladies and gentlemen. Thank you.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

You have witnessed an historic event.

The birth of Henley's young idea.

Bravo. Bravo.

Darling, I didn't know

you were so talented.

Let's talk about it over dinner.

But a friend and I were going to eat.

Well, the Paris collections

start next week.

I know a lot of people who'd like to get

acquainted with you, design-wise.

Would you like to meet Yves? Christian?

I'd love to.

I've got whores!

I've got whores!

Anybody want a whore?

Out of the way. Watch out. Thank you.

Less lust.

Young men and young women.

Two coffee, coffees coming up.

Can't you two get a room?

Move it!

I will tell the whole truth,

and others will continue

what I have begun.

I am like Zola...

I'm in a trance!

I'm your boy, Suze.

Forever and ever.

Every man is a reasonable being.

Scram.

Hi, Colin.

Hi, hon.

I don't believe it.

How come you're not late?

I made sure.

Listen, Colin.

I can't make dinner tonight.

I've got to work.

Don't be like that, Suze.

- Why didn't you turn up?

- I did turn up.

No, you didn't, Colin.

I did. Ask your Uncle Henley.

He knows all about it.

I even did the Harry Charms

shots for you.

Oh. Don't worry about it, Colin.

Stay on here in the Land of Oz,

with the Wizard

and all those other creepy pals of yours

and you'll never need to know.

I've gotta go.

You ask me what I want

When I thought I'd made it clear

Although I won't stop loving you

You can never have me near

Don't blame me

I never asked you to fall

No one's gonna stop me

from having it all

Having it all

You'll never stop me from having it all

Having it all

You'll never stop me from having

Having it all

Having it all

You'll never stop me

From having it all

You've got to accept

I'm no ordinary girl

And I'll never fit

In your perfect little world

Don't take it lightly

Baby, I'm not bluffing

To get what I want

I'll stop at nothing

Having it all

You'll never stop me

From having it all

Having it all

You'll never stop me

My reasons are simple

So don't ask me why

I'll never forget you

Good

Bye

Less lust through less protein.

Have you ever chased the night

That sailed in front of you

On a boat that's bound for hope

But left you in the queue

With the shouting, waving, taunting

Flaunting friends that's cruel

Telling you that every lie

you ever heard was true

Have you stood up on that dock

Have you ever had it blue

Ooh, ooh

Doo da doo doo doo da doo doo

Have you ever woke

to find the morning didn't come

Undelivered with the paper

stolen by someone

Found the milkman bound and gagged

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