Absolute Beginners Page #3

And with shackles round the sun

And the holder of the keys

turns out to be the one

The girl you had your heart set on

Have you ever had it blue

Have you ever had it blue

Have you ever had it blue

The days really drag by when it's hot.

No Suzette to make the time fly.

Five days without her.

It seemed like a year.

Back to the old ancestral seat.

I still have my darkroom.

Down in dreary Pimlico,

where my parents live.

If you can call it living.

Hello, Ma.

Hello, blitz-baby.

We present Tony Hancock, Sidney James,

Jim Kerr, Hattie Jamieson,

Kenny Williams

in Hancock's Half Hour.

What are you doing

in my darkroom, Jules?

My name's Vern, ain't it?

Moron.

So why do you keep calling me Jules?

Come in.

Hello, Dad.

I tried to stop him moving in.

Been misbehaving with the lodgers again.

Bloody wogs.

Thanks, Dad.

How's the photo album going?

All right. Here, have a go at those.

You're not still on the poor

old 1930s, surely.

It was a terrible time to be young.

Poverty. Unemployment.

No light at the end of the corridor.

It's better now, even with the bomb.

Hold it a minute. We'll not do this.

Should've had my youth along

with all these drip-dry shirts and sputniks,

not like then.

Come on, Dad, you're toughening it up

a little,aren't you?

You and Ma look like you were having

a good time in these snaps.

My wedding day.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I wish it was tomorrow,

then I'd cancel it.

It's not that bad.

You should get out more often.

What do you hang around this dump for?

'Cause the dump has to look respectable.

She keeps him here.

Ignore him, Dad.

He's nothing to do with me.

And keep him away from my pictures.

I don't want my image splattered

all over the ceiling in the morning.

You really are a horror.

A real unidentified slob from outer space.

Is that a fact?

Well, you're a traitor

to the working class.

Well, Suze, that's the way it goes.

If you could see my weirdo family,

you'd never have to ask why I left home.

Poor Dad,

sweetest bloke you'd ever want to meet,

locked up with his pre-war photo album

and his sad memories.

Mum trying to keep her looks,

always carrying on with the lodgers.

Half-brother Vern,

born middle-aged, thick as two bricks

and you wouldn't even want to imagine

what he gets up to.

- Hi.

- If this is adult life,

I think I'll stay

an absolute beginner forever.

Something's happening,

but I'm just gonna turn a blind eye

If I see no evil

I ask no questions and I hear no lies

Get them down

to the kitchen and wash them.

Can't communicate

with minds that are small

With some people it's like

talking to the wall

And the fella who walks away

Lives to battle another day

And I've really got no appetite

For a fight

Sign here, Governor.

Not tonight

- What the hell is going on in there?

- Coming, Mum.

All I want is a quiet life

Anything for a quiet life

No ambition to rock the boat

When I can just stay afloat

And be content with a quiet life

All I want is a quiet life

Anything for a quiet life

Here, wash these.

Hear no evil, see no evil

Speak no evil at all

You naughty boy.

Confidentially, between these walls

I'm on top of it all

I'd rather have 'em think

I'm deaf, dumb and blind

Than aggravation every time

I speak my mind

Keep spoonin', have a quiet life

Anything for a quiet life

What, you lazy sod,

what you doing in here, anyway?

Get upstairs and vacuum the carpets.

Panty, bra.

I could easily blow my top

Hello, Dad.

Start a row, but why start now

Give your daddy a quiet life

Give your mama a quiet life

Anything for a quiet life

Oh, the telly's on the blink.

Vacuum cleaner. Dad!

Switch that bloody thing off!

Hey, what's going on?

Look, get off.

Come on here, pretty baby.

Switch it off!

Give your daddy a quiet life

Give your mama a quiet life

Anything for a quiet life

Confidentially, between these walls

I'm on top of it all

Colin?

Son, I want a word

with you about your dad.

- I'm busy.

- Oh, it's important.

How's the male harem?

The Pal Joeys? The gigolo lodgers?

Grow up, Colin.

Bed-and-breakfast, evening meal?

You nasty little bastard.

Mother should know.

Gotta snap out of this.

I'm too young for tears.

Suzette will be back...

Sooner or later.

Time's on my side.

Nice day.

Yeah, so I hear.

- Hey, Cool?

- Yeah?

Couldn't lend me a quid, could you?

Crazy, man. What're you doing?

Over here.

Take all this crap furniture

and all your little schwartzes,

and piss off out of it.

You know, there's something odd

around these parts.

Yeah, so what else is new?

All the other families

are moving out or being moved out.

Which, to my mind,

means somebody else is moving in.

Who the hell would wanna

move in around here?

Trouble.

It's only your kid sister.

Hey, Cool, I know

you was rolling dice last night,

and I'm gonna tell Mama on you,

Mr. "I'm Cool" Cool.

I'll tell Dad as well,

and it'll mean big trouble.

See you later, Cool.

God, I love this city.

And I never wanna leave it.

'Cause though it seems

so hard and untidy,

if you get to know it well,

if you're its son,

it's always on your side, come what may.

That's what I imagined, anyway.

Hello, bad boy.

What are you doing

pounding around down here?

Well, I've moved down here.

My God, it talks.

And why's it moved down here?

'Cause I moved in with me gran.

She lives here.

Anyways, I live where I like.

It's a free country, isn't it?

Face it, Ed,

all you old-style Edwardians

have been put out to pasture

in the provinces,

where, no doubt, you'll live forever.

But down here, Ted is definitely dead.

Never.

You're an old man, and only last week

a snot-nosed little kid.

Watch it.

Your problem was never

being a teenager in between.

Teenagers? Get out of here.

That's kid's stuff.

Drown the lot of them.

If you say so, sucker.

Yank!

Go home, Yank!

And take sambo with you.

- Hi, Cool.

- What's he doing here, man?

Are you all right, Colin?

What's going down?

Hey, who threw that brick?

Was it you?

You bloody hooligan!

Oi, come here,

I want a bloody word with you.

Oi, what's your game over there?

Hey, we're trouble on the rubble

at the bum side hop

It ain't never gonna stop

Come on, Teds

We're trouble on the rubble

And the bum side is the hop

I know you don't like it

but it ain't gonna stop

Like it or lump it

you can't show us the door

We licked Hitler in 1944

Ted ain't dead

Yeah, look at my bleeding window.

We could use them, Mr. Saltzman.

They've got nothing better to do.

And if we use them,

what's it gonna cost?

Ted ain't dead, Ted ain't no dead

We all have not too much to say

Ted ain't dead, he's alive

Ted ain't dead

Gonna kick you in the head

Since I was a young boy

Round about 13

I knew rocking Ted would

outlive any passing scene

Still do now, still do now

Still do now

Still do now, still do now

Ted ain't dead

Oh, hello, Ted

Here they are,

my two latest discoveries,

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