Accepted
Everyone, have your money
ready. We only have so much time.
Okay, say, "Cheers!"
Cheers.
Say, "Beer!"
Beer!
Say, "Cheers!"
Glen, you got to take
that shirt off, pal.
Why?
Hands, you wanna
field this one?
Uh, dude, you're getting
a fake ID...
...and you're wearing a shirt
that says you're in high school.
So?
Okay, whatever.
I'll fix it later.
Just do
what you were doing.
Give me
some nice cat things.
- B!
- Oh, hey, Schrader.
What the hell
is going on here?
Relax, pal.
Five percent goes
to your favorite charity.
Uh, I forgot to tell you,
I borrowed your keys.
You borrowed my keys?
Come on.
Well, I needed them.
Ow.
We're providing a vital
service to America's youth here.
Could we get the next in line,
please? No, we're not. Stay there!
We're contributing to
the delinquency of minors, B.
Do you know what will
happen to me if I get caught?
Every day
after eighth period...
Vice Principal Matthews
comes in here.
He picks up
the women's fitness magazine...
...and he snaps one off!
Are you serious?
Yes.
That is a problem.
Uh, okay, well, we still have
the rest of eighth period, right?
So, we'll just pack everybody
up and get out of here.
Okay, let's go!
Sh*t!
Gaines! Gaines! Gaines!
Okay, good, good.
Ah, wonderful!
Vice Principal Matthews!
So glad you could join us!
What the hell is this?
It's Glee Club
practice, sir.
We're just gettin' ready for
Memorial Day. It's a big one for us.
We don't have
a Glee Club.
Not yet,
we don't, sir.
But as the graduating class,
...a legacy that inspires
future students...
...to take initiative
rather than spend their time...
I don't know, privately defacing
women's fitness magazines.
I mean, I went
to read an article...
...about no carbs and higher reps
the other day...
...and the pages were...
You are a rotten egg.
...as if by some natural
adhesive. That'll be enough.
I need to cut
the pounds...
...and I can't open the...
Stop it!
Whatever does it for...
Stop it!
That's all
I'm gonna say.
Thank God
you're graduating.
I'm the fourth-generation Schrader... Sorry.
...to go to Harmon College, okay? Yeah.
I can't do anything
to screw that up.
You know, like, I don't know,
getting busted for identity fraud.
Look at you.
Would you stop, man? Relax.
We're all goin'
to college, okay?
This is said by the guy
who's been rejected... Hey, B.
...by seven schools.
Hey, I'm creating
dramatic tension.
I got a good feeling
about number eight! Ugh.
I got in! I got in!
I got into Princeton!
Yeah! Yeah!
Hey, I think that guy
got into Princeton.
Oh, what makes you say that?
I don't know.
Bartleby! Hey.
Hey, how are you, Monica? Hey, how are you?
Good. Do you know Schrader?
No, I don't think so. Oh!
Yes! We...
I actually...
We had a class.
Oh, yeah.
My sh*t was all crazy.
I sat way behind you.
Yeah. Sorry. I don't remember you, either.
Sorry.
It's all right.
Um, anyway, I really wanted
to ask you something.
Sure, anything.
Um, you know,
I know it's really late...
...but, um, last minute
and everything...
...but prom is coming up soon,
you know? It's okay. Yes.
And I'm actually having a
party at my house beforehand.
Awesome!
And I was wondering...
...if you'd like to, um...
If you could, um...
I'd love to.
... Mow our lawn.
Mow your lawn?
Yeah.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Yeah. I'm really embarrassed,
but, you know...
...our mower's broken and my mom
was just, like, "Ask Bartleby!"
That's cool!
I... Yeah. Tell your mother I
would love to mow the lawn. Really?
Of course.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, sure.
Thank you. Hey, babe!
Hey, yo, Monica! Come on!
Sorry, I got to go.
But thank you, again.
Yeah, s-sure.
You're really helping us out.
Oh, great to see you.
And, hey, it was nice to meet,
um, see you. Talk to you.
Yes, yes. It was... It was
so nice catching up with you.
Yeah. Okay. Bye-bye.
B- Bye, Monica.
Hey, I'm sorry
to keep you waiting, baby.
Hoyt Ambrose. Hoyt!
Hoyt Ambrose. What's that
guy got that I don't have?
I just need to get a car.
And classic good looks.
"I regret... "
I can't believe
I didn't get into State!
I wasn't even aiming high
with that one.
That was my fallback!
It was my safety school,
my fail-safe!
Maybe you're just
too average.
Hey, time out.
Too average?
Okay. Okay.
Excuse me, Lizzie.
R- R-Remember who
you're talkin' to here.
I didn't have to go to gym class
for a whole year...
'cause I claimed
to be allergic to sweat.
Or what about the time I got the note
from my doctor saying I was nocturnal...
...and I was allowed
to study in my dreams?
I got the school bully, Frank
Daley, kicked out for two years...
...because he was
sexually harassing me...
...by pushing me up against the
locker and I said I felt something.
I mean, come on.
That was pure genius.
Maybe if you didn't write an essay
called "I Don't Have a Clue. "
Well, it's true. You know?
I don't have a clue what I want
to do with the rest of my life.
Mom and Dad
are gonna kill you.
O ye of little faith.
They're not gonna kill me.
Uh-huh.
I just have to spin it...
...and put it in terms
they can understand.
I don't understand.
I don't understand, either.
Okay, I figure it
like this.
The average cost of college
is, what, $20,000 a year?
Now, according to these estimates
that I got off the Web...
You can pass those around.
Someone with no education
beyond high school...
...can expect to make about $20,000
a year in the current job market.
Now, that being said,
over the next four years...
...you could either
spend $80,000
...or I could make $80,000.
Are you saying
you don't want to go to college?
No. I'm saying that
it is fiscally irresponsible...
...for me to go
to college. You know?
Are you huffing?
Oh, God. No.
Are you high?
You're huffing grass?
No. I'm not huffing, Mom. I'm
not stoned. I'm completely fine.
In fact, I'm more clear and
level-headed than I've ever been.
Okay, cut the crap,
Bartleby.
Society has rules.
And the first rule is
you go to college. Mmm-hmm.
You want to have a happy and
successful life? You go to college.
If you want to be somebody,
you go to college.
If you want to fit in,
you go to college.
Well, you know what? Maybe
I didn't get into college.
What do you mean?
I didn't get accepted
anywhere.
Oh, Bartleby.
Damn it.
I knew he should've started
preparing for college in junior high...
...like his sister.
Now, she's got a shot.
I've got a shot.
She's got a shot.
Listen, guys.
There are plenty of successful
people who didn't go to college.
Albert Einstein,
you know.
Pocahontas never
went to college.
Corey Feldman
and Corey Haim.
They had a great run.
Both Lewis and Clark.
Suzanne Somers. Bono.
I need to go
check on the cobbler.
"Check the cobbler. "
Glug, glug, glug.
You know, I really don't care
what Sonny Bono did or didn't do.
You're goin' to college.
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"Accepted" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/accepted_2177>.
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