Accepted

Everyone, have your money

ready. We only have so much time.

Okay, say, "Cheers!"

Cheers.

Say, "Beer!"

Beer!

Say, "Cheers!"

Glen, you got to take

that shirt off, pal.

Why?

Hands, you wanna

field this one?

Uh, dude, you're getting

a fake ID...

...and you're wearing a shirt

that says you're in high school.

So?

Okay, whatever.

I'll fix it later.

Just do

what you were doing.

Give me

some nice cat things.

- B!

- Oh, hey, Schrader.

What the hell

is going on here?

Relax, pal.

Five percent goes

to your favorite charity.

Uh, I forgot to tell you,

I borrowed your keys.

You borrowed my keys?

Come on.

Well, I needed them.

Ow.

We're providing a vital

service to America's youth here.

Could we get the next in line,

please? No, we're not. Stay there!

We're contributing to

the delinquency of minors, B.

Do you know what will

happen to me if I get caught?

Every day

after eighth period...

Vice Principal Matthews

comes in here.

He picks up

the women's fitness magazine...

...and he snaps one off!

Are you serious?

Yes.

That is a problem.

Uh, okay, well, we still have

the rest of eighth period, right?

So, we'll just pack everybody

up and get out of here.

Okay, let's go!

Sh*t!

Gaines! Gaines! Gaines!

Okay, good, good.

Ah, wonderful!

Vice Principal Matthews!

So glad you could join us!

What the hell is this?

It's Glee Club

practice, sir.

We're just gettin' ready for

Memorial Day. It's a big one for us.

We don't have

a Glee Club.

Not yet,

we don't, sir.

But as the graduating class,

we wanted to leave behind...

...a legacy that inspires

future students...

...to take initiative

rather than spend their time...

I don't know, privately defacing

women's fitness magazines.

I mean, I went

to read an article...

...about no carbs and higher reps

the other day...

...and the pages were...

You are a rotten egg.

...as if by some natural

adhesive. That'll be enough.

I need to cut

the pounds...

...and I can't open the...

Stop it!

Whatever does it for...

Stop it!

That's all

I'm gonna say.

Thank God

you're graduating.

I'm the fourth-generation Schrader... Sorry.

...to go to Harmon College, okay? Yeah.

I can't do anything

to screw that up.

You know, like, I don't know,

getting busted for identity fraud.

Look at you.

Would you stop, man? Relax.

We're all goin'

to college, okay?

This is said by the guy

who's been rejected... Hey, B.

...by seven schools.

Hey, I'm creating

dramatic tension.

I got a good feeling

about number eight! Ugh.

I got in! I got in!

I got into Princeton!

Yeah! Yeah!

Hey, I think that guy

got into Princeton.

Oh, what makes you say that?

I don't know.

Bartleby! Hey.

Hey, how are you, Monica? Hey, how are you?

Good. Do you know Schrader?

No, I don't think so. Oh!

Yes! We...

I actually...

We had a class.

Oh, yeah.

My sh*t was all crazy.

I sat way behind you.

Yeah. Sorry. I don't remember you, either.

Sorry.

It's all right.

Um, anyway, I really wanted

to ask you something.

Sure, anything.

Um, you know,

I know it's really late...

...but, um, last minute

and everything...

...but prom is coming up soon,

you know? It's okay. Yes.

And I'm actually having a

party at my house beforehand.

Awesome!

And I was wondering...

...if you'd like to, um...

If you could, um...

I'd love to.

... Mow our lawn.

Mow your lawn?

Yeah.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

Yeah. I'm really embarrassed,

but, you know...

...our mower's broken and my mom

was just, like, "Ask Bartleby!"

That's cool!

I... Yeah. Tell your mother I

would love to mow the lawn. Really?

Of course.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, sure.

Thank you. Hey, babe!

Hey, yo, Monica! Come on!

Sorry, I got to go.

But thank you, again.

Yeah, s-sure.

You're really helping us out.

Oh, great to see you.

And, hey, it was nice to meet,

um, see you. Talk to you.

Yes, yes. It was... It was

so nice catching up with you.

Yeah. Okay. Bye-bye.

B- Bye, Monica.

Hey, I'm sorry

to keep you waiting, baby.

Hoyt Ambrose. Hoyt!

Hoyt Ambrose. What's that

guy got that I don't have?

I just need to get a car.

And classic good looks.

"I regret... "

I can't believe

I didn't get into State!

I wasn't even aiming high

with that one.

That was my fallback!

It was my safety school,

my fail-safe!

Maybe you're just

too average.

Hey, time out.

Too average?

Okay. Okay.

Excuse me, Lizzie.

R- R-Remember who

you're talkin' to here.

I didn't have to go to gym class

for a whole year...

'cause I claimed

to be allergic to sweat.

Or what about the time I got the note

from my doctor saying I was nocturnal...

...and I was allowed

to study in my dreams?

I got the school bully, Frank

Daley, kicked out for two years...

...because he was

sexually harassing me...

...by pushing me up against the

locker and I said I felt something.

I mean, come on.

That was pure genius.

Maybe if you didn't write an essay

called "I Don't Have a Clue. "

Well, it's true. You know?

I don't have a clue what I want

to do with the rest of my life.

Mom and Dad

are gonna kill you.

O ye of little faith.

They're not gonna kill me.

Uh-huh.

I just have to spin it...

...and put it in terms

they can understand.

I don't understand.

I don't understand, either.

Okay, I figure it

like this.

The average cost of college

is, what, $20,000 a year?

Now, according to these estimates

that I got off the Web...

You can pass those around.

Someone with no education

beyond high school...

...can expect to make about $20,000

a year in the current job market.

Now, that being said,

over the next four years...

...you could either

spend $80,000

...or I could make $80,000.

Are you saying

you don't want to go to college?

No. I'm saying that

it is fiscally irresponsible...

...for me to go

to college. You know?

Are you huffing?

Oh, God. No.

Are you high?

You're huffing grass?

No. I'm not huffing, Mom. I'm

not stoned. I'm completely fine.

In fact, I'm more clear and

level-headed than I've ever been.

Okay, cut the crap,

Bartleby.

Society has rules.

And the first rule is

you go to college. Mmm-hmm.

You want to have a happy and

successful life? You go to college.

If you want to be somebody,

you go to college.

If you want to fit in,

you go to college.

Well, you know what? Maybe

I didn't get into college.

What do you mean?

I didn't get accepted

anywhere.

Oh, Bartleby.

Damn it.

I knew he should've started

preparing for college in junior high...

...like his sister.

Now, she's got a shot.

I've got a shot.

She's got a shot.

Listen, guys.

There are plenty of successful

people who didn't go to college.

Albert Einstein,

you know.

Pocahontas never

went to college.

Corey Feldman

and Corey Haim.

They had a great run.

Both Lewis and Clark.

Suzanne Somers. Bono.

I need to go

check on the cobbler.

"Check the cobbler. "

Glug, glug, glug.

You know, I really don't care

what Sonny Bono did or didn't do.

You're goin' to college.

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