Accepted Page #2

I told you so.

You were adopted.

Everyone...

I would like to propose

a toast to our graduates.

To the Class of 2006...

...may the next four years

of college...

...be the best years

of your life.

Hear, hear.

Mom.

Hey.

Hey, man, what's up?

What's up, B? How you doin'? What's up?

Dude, I swear,

if one more person tells me...

...how excited they are to go

to college, I'm gonna lose it.

Oh, man, I heard about the scholarship.

That's insane. You're one of

the best receivers in the state.

Uh, the best. And, uh,

no knee, no football, man.

That sucks.

What are you gonna do now?

I have no idea.

That makes two of us, pal.

It's fine, it's fine, it's

fine, it's fine, it's fine.

Hey, Rory. What's goin' on?

Oh, hey. What? Fine. Nothing.

Um, I... I didn't get into Yale.

I did... I didn't,

I didn't get into Yale.

I didn't...

I didn't get into Yale.

What? I can't

believe that!

Well, there's no room

for Rory at Yale.

Too many rich kids

with mediocre grades...

...and well-connected parents

this year, I guess.

No room for Rory,

who's been working...

...since first grade

to get into Yale.

Rory, who only applied

to Yale and nowhere else.

I had it all planned!

It was perfect, B!

Perfect!

And now

it's nothing! Nada!

It's a goose egg!

Okay. Well.

God, Rory! Rory!

She's handling that

really well.

College

is for pussies!

All right. I got to get out of here, pal.

Hang in there.

All right, man. You, too.

Bartleby! Hey! Oh, hey, Mr.

Schrader. I was actually just...

Did you have any cake?

No, you know, I'm not much of a cake guy.

Oh, it is a hell

of a cake.

It is the same cake we got for Scotty

and Seth when they got into Harmon.

Oh, ah, everything

comes full circle.

Jay! How are ya, bud?

Oh, I really don't...

Hey, Stu.

Hey.

I can't imagine your pride,

knowing your youngest...

...is headed off to a good

college. Must take a load off.

Yeah, well, not to mention...

...the load it takes off

my bank account.

Dad.

Nothin' like gettin'

a load off!

What about you,

Bartleby?

That's a good question,

Mr. Harkin.

What's with the questions,

Mr. Trebek?

Where you goin'?

Um, I... I., well...

I didn't really, uh...

Bartleby screwed around and

now he's not goin' to college.

He's thrown his life away.

Yeah, that's... That's what

I was gonna say. Thanks, Dad.

Wait. South Harmon

Institute of Technology?

Yeah. B, you realize that

makes it S.H.I.T., right?

S.H.I.T.?

I was wingin' it. Whatever.

Just finish building

the website, please.

This is the act of a desperate,

wildly unrealistic person.

Yo, B, you have to hook me up with

one of these acceptance letters, bro.

Are you kidding me? No way.

Why not?

Oh, come on. The only way this is

gonna work is if we keep it quiet.

And even then,

it's still a long shot.

Dude, I don't care.

I have to do somethin'.

The minute

I lost my scholarship...

...my pop started talkin' about

me getting my own bus route.

Help me. Please?

Mmm.

You know something?

For the safety of the public,

I can't let you drive a bus.

Sweet.

But listen to me.

This is just a temporary

stopgap measure, okay?

Nothing more.

Gotcha.

Bravo, guys. Great.

Both of you guys.

Let's start this fake college. And then

we'll go start a meth lab somewhere.

Come on. It's a gateway crime. What?

That's how these things start.

You know something, Schrader...

...you got into

a great college.

And your future's

lookin' really good...

...and I'm psyched for you, pal, 'cause

you're my best friend and I love you.

I'm talking about me coming

to you, asking for your help.

Just finish

the damn website.

Please.

What do you say?

There he is!

Fine.

Get off me,

you idiot.

But we need some sort of, like,

mission statement or something.

Your dad's gonna want to see

that. I know him, he's a hard-ass.

Hey, kids. Honey!

Hey. Hi. How are you? Hey.

What's this?

South Harmon Institute of Technology?

What's that?

Mmm? What's that?

One of the most respected schools

in the area, that's what that is.

Well, what's it say?

I gotta open it first.

Come on, hurry.

Oh. I'm nervous.

"Dear Bartleby...

"congratulations,

you've been accepted!"

I got in!

Aw, thank God. Thank God.

I got in!

Hey-o!

Oh! God!

Honey.

I'm okay.

Hey, this is great!

It's so exciting!

What the hell is South Harmon

Institute of Technology? Yeah.

Oh, it's one of

Harmon College's sister schools.

I've never heard of it.

Well, because

it's the baby sister.

It's the most discreet and

unharmed of the sister schools.

You got any literature

on this place?

Yeah, there's a website,

I'll show you the link.

You did it.

You're a college boy.

Wow.

So you guys want to eat?

Yeah.

Hey! I hate my life.

I'm a huge tool.

Have fun being hot.

Bartleby!

Hey, Dad, what's up?

I took a look

at that website.

Oh.

Cool.

It looks unreal.

Unreal?

Yeah, it looks

pretty unbelievable, huh?

It seems

like a solid place.

Really?

Here you go.

First semester's tuition.

Paid in full.

That's great.

Wow, thank you, Dad.

Oh, sorry. Sorry.

Thanks, Dad.

Your mother and I

can't wait to drop you off.

What we need to do

is lease a place near Harmon...

...so we can fool our parents.

Yeah.

Hey, Schrad, do you know any

places up near Harmon we can rent?

Oh, yeah, I do,

actually.

I carry around a list

with me at all times...

...of abandoned buildings

for fake colleges.

Dude, I started you guys

a bank account already.

What do you want me to be,

your realtor?

Oh, hey, guys.

What's up?

Hey, what's up, Glen?

Hey.

Hey, Glen...

...when did you start working

at the Kwik 'N Stop?

Since I got boned, hard,

by every college I applied to.

Why, what happened?

Some political crap.

I got a zero on my SATs.

You know

you get 600 points...

...just for signing

your name, right?

All right,

let's get serious, man.

Now, where we gonna find a

place to pass off as a college?

Hey, guys! I know a place.

How'd you know

about this place?

I used to do

volunteer work here.

This

place is awesome.

'Cause now I can

finally get hepatitis.

A bird in the hand, dude.

A bird in the hand.

That doesn't

make any sense.

It's a saying.

What?

A diamond in the rough.

Hope you guys

have hobo-stab insurance.

Great.

The birthplace of crack.

Hello, beautiful.

Hey! Hey, guys,

don't go in there.

This is breaking

and entering.

Schrader, come on.

Don't be scared.

Who's scared? I'm not scared. You're scared.

Schrader, you were scared to

try the new flavor of Dr. Pepper.

I told you that

in confidence, Hands.

Schrader, you were afraid

when your tooth fell out...

...because you were terrified

of the tooth fairy.

That's actually

a legitimate fear.

She was rifling

through my sh*t.

Okay, Fine, whatever, dude, stay here.

Fine. I will.

Okay, guys, seriously...

I don't want to be here alone

when the walls start to bleed.

We don't have

to renovate the whole place.

We just have to focus

on essential areas.

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