Accepted Page #3

We got the... The main lobby.

Hallway.

Dorm rooms.

Dorm rooms, exactly.

I think this could really work.

Huh? It's awesome!

Can you hold that?

Yeah.

Guys, a little can-do

attitude, some elbow grease...

...maybe a smile from Schrader.

It's like cleaning up

your room, you know?

Welcome to the South Harmon

Institute of Technology.

Atta baby.

The beginning of good things.

Yeah.

Schrader,

what the hell was that?

Um, this is embarrassing.

Are you kidding?

It would be really cool...

...if you guys wouldn't tell

people I scream like that.

Ready, set, go.

Whoo!

All right.

Uh, whoa, Glen.

Oh, hey, B.

What are you doing here,

buddy?

Rory told me about it.

What are you doing? We were gonna

keep this place a big secret.

But he didn't have

any place to go.

He got fired

from the Kwik 'N Stop.

Is that true? Why'd you...

Why'd you get fired?

I got fired

for making a shrimp slushee.

That's disgusting.

See?

Why would you

do that, pal?

'Cause I was hungry

and thirsty.

Oh, God.

This kitchen is bitchin'!

And this'll be the bath...

Close the door.

Sh*t!

Close it!

It takes 10,000 steps

to get from here to greatness.

And this right here...

...this is step one.

Good luck, Son.

Mister Ambrose, do you know what

makes Harmon a great college?

Rejection.

The exclusivity

of any university...

...is judged primarily

by the amount of students...

...it rejects.

Unfortunately,

for the last few years...

...we have been unable to

match the amount of students...

...that Yale, Princeton,

or even Stanford rejects...

...primarily because

of our physical limitations.

But all that

is about to change.

Yale has one,

Princeton has one.

And now Harmon College

will have...

...the prestigious entranceway

it deserves.

A verdant buffer zone...

...to keep knowledge in,

and ignorance out.

That is a great idea, sir.

Yes, it is.

Now, you, Mr. Ambrose,

are chairman...

...of the Student Community

Outreach Committee.

I need you to secure

all these decrepit properties...

...in the neighboring community.

So that we can demolish them

to make room...

...for the Van Horne Gateway.

You know what?

This actually looks

like the real deal.

Guys, I don't want to be

too overly optimistic...

...but I think

this could work.

It really looks

professional. Hello.

Hey, kid,

where the hell are you?

Oh, I'm, uh...

Listen.

I took another look

at that website.

What's all this "be

what you want to be" crap?

No, no, Dad, they just... They

just have to say stuff like that...

...just to keep

from being sued.

Yeah, well, sounds like

a bunch of crap to me.

Glen, go long.

Set up a meeting with the dean.

The dean? Jesus.

Mother of hell!

Your college does

have a dean, doesn't it?

I'm good! Yes, of course

the college has a dean.

Dad, you know, he's a busy guy,

though, you know...

...he can't just, uh,

set up a meeting with parents.

Listen. If I'm paying for

it, I'm meeting with the dean.

I want to make sure you have the same

education I did. A real education.

Dinner's at 8:
00. Wait, Dad, Dad,

Dad, I can't... I can't... Aw, sh*t.

I gotta trim this corner right

here. I think I got poisoned.

What's up, B?

We got a little problem.

What?

Who was that, Bartleby?

We gotta find a dean.

In life, it's important to

distinguish between need and want.

You think you want something because

you've been conditioned to want it.

I want the Pump!

I don't got the Pump.

Look, oh, I got the

Tim Duncan Adidas Cool-D's.

I want the Pump!

Listen,

you insolent little snot...

...there are kids right now in Asia who

are sewing your stupid shoes together...

...so that their family can have

a bowl of rice to eat tonight!

This is the worst idea

of all time.

Your Uncle Ben

used to be a genius.

He'll be fine.

Mom!

What did you do?

You're the one who

emotionally crippled the kid.

You know what?

Maybe he's retarded.

I'm glad my mother's dead.

He's just having a bad day.

Oh, my gosh.

You want me to be the dean

of your college?

No, I want you

to pretend to be the dean.

It's just for one day.

Uh, perhaps young Sherman

didn't share this with you.

I've retired, I'm no longer

a shaper of young minds.

Oh, really?

Yeah, well, technically,

he was fired.

That's not true. I got fed up

with the education racket.

So I quit.

I did send in my resignation...

...in a rather

unorthodox fashion.

You sent the dean of the

university a bag of dog sh*t.

It was a metaphor.

For what?

For "You're full of sh*t!"

Oh.

That's not a metaphor.

That's a metaphor.

Oh, semantics, schmantics.

Three years from now,

I'm finished with this crap.

I'm goin' to Papua New Guinea.

I'm outta here.

Wh-Where...

Where you going?

I'm going off the grid.

No more, uh, franchises,

no more Botox...

...no more "Eh, oh,

let's clone another goat. "

And certainly no more

sexual harassment suits.

What's wrong with saying,

"Hey! Nice tits. "

When did that

go out the window?

Okay, Ben,

all I'm asking you...

...is just shake a couple hands

with some parents...

...say, "Hi, I'm the dean,"

whatever.

What if we pay you?

Don't sully my dignity

with your cash.

There you are!

Did you make another child cry?

It's not my fault the kid's

a crybaby! Little dipshit.

You're an a**hole!

You're an a**hole.

You are an a**hole.

And you're fired.

Perhaps it is time to move on.

But I get to bring my house.

Deal.

Right or left?

Right.

Whose right?

Your call.

You're an idiot!

You're upset.

Go with what you feel.

You got about 12 feet.

Perfect.

A**hole.

Okay, smiles, everyone.

First day at college.

What's up with these colors?

Sh*t brown? Really?

Glen picked 'em.

Of course he did.

Where'd you find

all these people?

Uh, I volunteer at an

English-as-a-second-language program.

These are my students. I told

them if they wanted to pass...

...they'd have to

successfully assimilate...

...into the American

college environment.

Whoa! The parents are here!

Okay!

We're on, guys!

Okay, people,

it's showtime!

Wow.

No frills around here. Oh, none at all.

None of that, uh, that ivy, or gargoyles,

or mahogany, it's the real deal.

The real deal, huh?

This is it, kid.

This is it.

The big moment. Take this in.

Ah.

It's exciting, it's scary.

It's really scary.

Oh, look! Oh, it looks great.

Okay.

What's going on here?

Okay, we lost

one of the campers.

Curious campers.

What are you doing?

Don't do that. Don't do that.

Honey.

Take it easy.

Okay, here we are. Let's...

What the devil is that?

Oh.

That's just a surge

of collegiate energy.

It's college for you.

Take a left up here

for the dorm room, Dad.

Oh, uh, can you

hang on a second?

I just really gotta go to the

bathroom a minute, you know.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I just wanna...

No, no, no, no, no!

Uh, it's, that's,

it's the men's room.

You can't go in there.

Well, can't you just

stand outside...

Diane, can't you wait

till we get to the restaurant?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes