Accepted Page #4

Hey, I'll see you, Rasheed.

I'll see you in math class.

You owe me 30 bucks,

by the way.

You jokester.

Here we are. You remember Hands.

Hey, Mrs. Gaines.

Hey, hi.

The fam.

You look great.

Well, thank you.

When I first saw it, I was

like, I gotta live here?

I can't believe this.

But it's a dorm room.

Mr. Gaines.

Daryl, how are you, partner?

Oh, thunder grip.

Why are there bars

on the window?

Oh, that's so nobody

accidentally gets thrown out.

It's fine. It's a good learning environment.

Not a lot of extras.

You'll study harder.

Yes. We will, because of the

blue and the sparse walls.

I agree with you, sir.

What are these?

That's in case

of an earthquake.

Uh, never mind that.

Hey, let's go meet the dean.

Huh?

The dean.

Come here, honey.

Come on.

Which way?

Take a right there, Mom.

It's gonna be fun.

You know,

a lot of people say...

...that college is the time

when young men and women...

...expand the way

that they look at their world...

...when they open their minds

to new ideas and experiences...

...and when they begin

that long journey...

...from the innocence of youth...

...to the responsibilities

of adulthood.

Now isn't that

a load of horseshit?

W- What?

Could you explain that

to us a little more?

Uh, Dean Lewis,

why don't you tell them...

...a little bit about the

philosophy here at South Harmon?

Look, we throw a lot of fancy

words in front of these kids...

...in order to attract them

to going to school...

...in the belief that they're

gonna have a better life.

And we all know

that all we're doing...

...is breeding

a whole new generation...

...of buyers and sellers.

Buyers and sellers!

Pimps and whores.

Pimps and whores!

And indoctrinating them into a

life-long hell of debt and indecision.

I...

Um...

I... I just don't understand.

Do I have

to spoon-feed it to you?

Look, there's only one reason...

...that kids

want to go to school.

Holy sh*t.

Which is?

To get a good job.

To get a good job,

with a great starting salary.

I couldn't agree more.

It is so refreshing

to have somebody...

...approach education

so rationally.

F***in' A!

Well, Dad. Ow.

Oh, Mom.

You make us proud, kiddo.

I'll try, Dad.

Don't worry about

anything, okay?

Bye, honey.

Seat belts.

Spread your wings.

I'm gonna fly.

You gotta let me fly.

Bye, Lizzie.

Bye!

Bye!

So what do we do now?

Well, my friend,

we're in college now.

We can do whatever we want.

Gotta hand it to you, B.

Kids everywhere are busting

their ass in the classroom...

...and we're killing

aliens, dude.

This is way better than learning.

We are learning here, pal.

We're learning the dire cost to

civilization when diplomacy fails.

We're learning political science right now.

What the...

What the hell is that?

Who is it?

Abernathy

Darwin Dunlap, sir.

Hi, there!

What's your name?

My name's

Abernathy Darwin Dunlap.

But you could call me A.D.D...

...on account of the fact

that I have A.D.D...

...which is Attention Deficit Disorder

and you know...

...everyone used to think it was just

an addiction to sugar when I was six...

...and my mom used to cry because

she thought I would never be...

...like, a fully functioning

member of society...

...like my neighbor

who has Legionnaire's Disease.

Oh...

This is no longer

a mental health facility.

I'm so sorry

we can't help you.

Good luck to you, pal.

I don't need a hospital!

Okay, okay, wh-wh-what

are you doing here, then?

Well, unless

I misread the website...

I'm here for orientation!

Oh, you scared me for a

second. In more ways than one.

Uh, you're looking

for Harmon College...

...it's just right on

up the hill.

But good luck, have fun.

Go, Harmon.

No! I'm looking for South

Harmon Institute of Technology...

...because, well,

it's the only place I got accepted...

...and I'm looking

to pursue my degree in English...

...or law or animal husbandry

or anything really!

Did you just say

you got accepted here?

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah,

we all did.

What?

Thank you so much!

Oh, God.

Holy balls.

I'm sorry.

Move, fool.

Oh, look, there's

my old girlfriend, Sara Pelfan.

You broke my heart!

Please.

Oh, uh, sorry, sorry. No

parents allowed past this point.

It's part of our philosophy

here at South Harmon.

We need to mold

your kids into individuals...

...and the first step is to...

...sever the ties of

the parent-child relationship.

Take him.

We're just glad

Larry got in someplace.

He's your problem now.

Bye, hon. No biting!

Hey, Larry.

Okay, good talk.

Go on in there.

You're gonna fit right in,

Larry. Unfortunately.

What are we gonna do?

This is supposed

to be a secret.

Yeah, well, I guess

the secret's out.

You go check the P.O. Box, I'm

gonna go find Schrader, okay?

Hey, pledge guy,

welcome to B.K.E. House.

Can I take

your blazer for you?

Get in there, your future

is right in there.

Thank you.

All right.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. Sorry.

Bartleby. Hey, how are you?

Hey, how you doing?

Good. I'm so sorry

about your jacket.

Dude, don't worry about it.

It's... It's not even my jacket.

Perfect. So, what are you doing here?

I'm, I'm looking for Schrader,

actually. Have you seen him?

Uh, no, I haven't.

Hey, I'm Sherman Schrader.

I'll catch up with you.

Hey.

I'm Sherman Schrader. Okay.

This is fun.

I'm just gonna hang back...

...while you guys shoot around

and stuff, you know.

Oh, sh*t.

I got it.

Oh.

That's a... It's a G chord.

I used to play

in a Cranberries tribute band.

Uh, we disbanded.

Hey, you're Sherman Schrader.

Yeah.

Hoyt Ambrose.

Yes, right. I know.

Yes. You are the president

of this whole fraternity.

That's right. Right.

You date Monica Moreland.

That I do.

Right.

I think about her

when I masturbate.

What?

What?

I didn't mean to say that.

Yeah. So, uh, Sherman's father pledged

alongside my father back in the day.

Oh, so you're the legacy.

That's right. Legacy!

You need... You probably

need this to play, actually.

Was it here?

Uh, was it there? Was it...

So... So do you go

to school here now, or...

I don't. Uh,

I go to South Harmon.

Did you say South Harmon?

Yes, I did.

Oh, what's that?

Hmm?

Wha-What's South Harmon?

South Harmon is...

It's a college...

...just a very small college.

Teeny, tiny college.

That's great. Well,

congratulations to you. Thank you.

Hey, sweetie.

Hey!

Oh, my gosh,

I was so excited for you...

Actually, can you just give me

just one sec, okay? Thanks.

Hey, winner, Hoyt Ambrose.

Floyd Pambrose.

That's weird.

Our names rhyme.

Yeah, that is

pretty weird.

That's kind of crazy.

Welcome to B.K.E.

Thanks. It's great.

I love it here.

All the sexually repressed energy. Oh.

I love it. A lot of anti-Semitism,

but under the rug, you know.

I like it, I like the way

you handle your business.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Well, hey, why don't you just

hang around and meet some guys?

Oh, no, thanks, man,

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