Accident

1

William.

Anna!

Don't!

You're standing on his face!

You can walk.

I'm going to telephone.

Can you walk?

Yes, I'm... I'm afraid so.

Thank you.

Were you driving?

Don't worry.

Drink it.

In there.

Er, sit, sit down.

No, it's... it's all right.

Yours is the only house

for some distance.

So he must've been coming

to see you.

He was.

You were expecting?

Yes.

Sorry.

Did you know him well?

He was my pupil.

He was your pupil at the university?

Yes.

He wanted to talk to me

about something.

You found...

You found the car at 1:45am.

He was going to a party

and then coming on to me.

It looks as though

he was pretty drunk.

There was whisky all over the car.

I don't know what it was all about.

I mean, I-I don't know what he wanted

to t-t-t-talk to me about.

He probably wanted my advice

about something.

Don't!

You... you haven't spoken to her?

No.

Just seen her?

I've just seen her walking about.

A little.

And you like the... the look of her?

Yes. I do.

- What am I supposed to do about it?

- Nothing at all.

Oh, good.

I'd just like to know

what you think of her, that's all.

You realise I'm... I'm her tutor?

Naturally.

I also realise you're my tutor.

And as her tutor her moral welfare

must be my first consideration.

Ah! You mean that besides being

her tutor, you're also her protector?

Move round

so I can get out of here.

You know, I mean,

I refuse to encourage

or countenance male lust

as directed against

any of my women students.

- Well said!

- Thank you.

Anyway, what's her name,

for God's sake?

Hm? Her name? Her name?

Oh, I remember her name.

It's Anna von Graz und Leoben.

- German?

- Austrian.

Come on!

What do you think of her?

I don't think.

I thought thinking was your job.

Well, not about that.

You're not past it, are you?

Already?

It's her!

- She's coming for her second tutorial.

- You didn't tell me.

She's talking to the goat.

They speak German.

That'll keep you busy.

Why don't you wait?

I'll introduce you. Hm?

No. Not now. Really.

You intend to go it alone, do you?

Uh-huh.

- Without an introduction?

-That's right.

Philosophy is a process of enquiry only.

It doesn't attempt to find

specific answers to specific questions.

She loves her dad.

She hasn't eaten anything today.

- Hello, Ted.

- Hello.

What has she eaten?

Some milk pudding for lunch.

That's all right.

Hey, Clarissa, come on.

Come on.

And then what?

There you are.

How many moons has Jupiter got?

I don't know.

- How many moons?

- 12 moons.

Yes.

Do you want to get the book

about the elephants? Off you go.

I've got a new, um...

new pupil.

Oh?

- She's an Austrian princess.

- Is she?

How do you know she's a princess?

She's got a very long name.

Has she got golden hair?

Erm... no.

- Then she's a fake.

- I've found it I think!

She's very sunburnt.

Down you get.

Then she's definitely not a princess.

She is a princess!

I knew I found it.

Come on.

Up you come, madam.

You sit over here.

There in the corner with me.

There we are.

- Now, who's going to start?

- You start.

All right. Where?

Erm...

There!

Has she made advances to you?

Oh, no. I'm too old.

You're not too old for me.

I know that. Now, come on.

Who's going to start?

- Me?

- She can't read!

And I'm not too old for you.

Well, write me an essay

on what the problem is.

Or rather on what the problem

seems to you to be.

Will you?

"A statistical analysis

of sexual intercourse among students

"at Colenso University,

Milwaukee showed...

"...that 70% did it in the evening.

"29.9% between two and four

in the afternoon.

"And 0.1% during a lecture

on Aristotle."

I am surprised to hear

that Aristotle is on the syllabus

in the state of Wisconsin.

"Bus driver found in student's bed."

But was anyone found

in the bus driver's bed?

Did you ever hear the story

of my predecessor Provost Jones

and the stepladder?

It's a bizarre story.

It'll amuse you.

Provost Jones and his good lady

decided one day

to buy a stepladder...

Stephen!

Hello.

I didn't know that you two had met.

- We have, haven't we?

- Uh-huh.

Jump in.

- Me?

- Come on. We're going up river.

I...

Ow!

You look very dignified.

I feel wet.

- You don't look wet!

- I don't look wet?

Nobody looked at you as though you

were wet. They thought you were normal.

I'm getting old.

Don't you understand? Old.

It's my muscles.

The muscles.

No judgement.

No judgement of distance.

It's all gone. Vanished!

I thought 40 was the prime of life.

I mean, I-I-wouldn't say you looked old.

You've still got a pretty good figure.

I tell you what, why don't you do

an hour's squash every morning?

Do you the world of good.

If you're gonna be a farmer,

why the hell are you reading philosophy?

To talk to the cows.

It's nice knowing you.

Really, you know.

You're not a bad fellow for...

a philosophy tutor.

I haven't got many friends.

- That's because you're an aristocrat.

- Oh?

All aristocrats were made to be...

- What?

- Killed.

Of course.

They're immortal.

Do you like her?

Yes.

Why don't you bring her to my house

for the day?

On Sunday.

Great.

- Come for lunch.

- Marvellous.

- Well, shall I ask her?

- No.

No, I will.

This might interest you.

It expresses

a different point of view altogether.

By Charley Hall. Do you know him?

- Yes, I think...

- The archaeologist.

- Yes, I've met him.

- He writes novels as well.

And appears on the television.

- Does he?

- A very versatile man.

Read it. I don't think much of it

but you might.

Here.

Thanks.

Would you like to come

to my house on Sunday for lunch?

That would be lovely.

You could meet my wife

and the children.

Yes.

Perhaps William could bring you.

Ah, yes!

I'll ask him.

Hello.

And how are you?

All right.

- What are they up to?

- Oh, they're all right.

Have you had any rest

with all this racket?

- Yes.

- Hm?

I've asked some people over on Sunday.

Is that all right, hm?

- What people?

- Well, y-you know, William.

Hm?

Oh, and... this girl, Anna von Graz.

- You know, that girl.

- The princess?

Yes.

She's William's girlfriend.

Well, what do you think?

I'm not very good

at mixing with royalty.

Well, she's not really a princess.

Don't be so silly!

I'm not silly!

Just for lunch, that's all.

I can easily put them off.

Hm...

What are you doing?

- Putting on my dressing gown.

- Hm.

Ted! Clarissa! Tea time!

Dad!

- What are you doing up there?

- Playing.

Come on. Come down, Tarzan.

You get yourself into

the most impossible places.

Come on, Fly.

Hello, Anna.

- William here?

- He's inside!

Anna!

Yes, coming!

What are you doing here?

Just passing,

so I thought I'd drop in.

- Passing?

- Yeah, just passing.

Just... erm... floating by.

Hey!

Come on, Ted!

Come on!

Come on! Kick it!

Fly, come on!

- Hello.

- Hello, William.

- Charley's here.

- We know!

- Is he staying for lunch?

- Of course.

Mm.

Water.

Can I do anything?

Hey!

What are you writing now?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes