Accident Man Page #3

are a bit of an acquired taste.

Like someone else's vomit in your mouth.

They can't afford the power breakers

and have been stacking amps...

...and drop the earth wire to kill the hum...

...increasing the risk of fatal accident.

I don't know why the Mechanics had to die.

Could have been a bad debt.

Copyright disputes.

Or maybe someone just hated

their god-awful music.

After listening to three of their tracks,

I'd have f***ing done them for free.

[CROWD SCREAMING]

[CROWD CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

As sh*t as their music is, for some

reason, this reminded me of Beth.

Funny how seemingly everything

can remind you of an ex.

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Milton must be letting his standards slip.

A hired gun making his own collection

isn't exactly protocol with our firm.

But as long as I get paid,

I couldn't give a sh*t.

Guessing you've come here

to snuff me out, then, right?

Tie up some loose ends.

[SCREAMS]

You see, every day's a school day.

And I'm always intrigued by what hurts...

Painful?

...and what really f***ing hurts.

How about that?

Painful?

I don't think you really thought this

through, did you, mate?

You could have easily perched on top

of that building there with an M82.50 cal.

Good line of sight, easy exit points.

Or you could have rigged

this whole place with C-4.

Got the job done shock-and-awe style.

[YELLING]

But no. You decided to "surprise me"...

...on a not-so-silent motorbike...

...shooting a close-range weapon

in every direction but the right one.

You didn't hit sh*t, did you?

You're a disgrace to my profession.

[GRUNTS]

What is that, anyway? Southern style?

Come on, then, you little f***.

Listen, mate. I'm all for the extra training.

I don't think it's gonna do much for you.

That ain't gonna help you much either.

[BONES CRACK]

Now, that looked very painful.

F*** you, gweilo.

I tell you nothing.

Don't worry, mate.

I don't want to know anything.

[NECK SNAPS]

- MILTON:
Hello?

- The f*** are you playing at, Milton?

- Mikey, is that you?

- Yeah, it's me. Guess what.

Your double-price incentive

turned out to be a f***ing setup.

- What are you talking about?

- You heard me.

Knew something wasn't right.

Who's the client?

I can't say, but my apologies.

It seemed like a straightforward request.

Not from where I'm f***ing standing.

I'm sorry, Mike. I'll speak to Big Ray.

We'll look into it.

Yeah, but you tell him

the price just quadrupled.

Well, I might not be able to stretch to that.

You better f***ing stretch it,

or I'll stretch you.

Now, now, now. Don't be like that.

I'll speak to you tomorrow

when you've calmed down a bit.

Milton. Milt... Oh, you f***ing little sh*t.

MIKE:
I guess this guy shouldn't have

entered the alley so fast.

He lost control of his bike...

...and broke his little neck.

Pretty common accident

with the youth of today.

And as for that car with all the holes

in it, well, what do you expect?

I'm an executioner, not a f***ing evangelist.

[PHONE BUZZING]

[BUZZING CONTINUES]

AUTOMATED VOICE:
One new message.

CHARLIE [ON RECORDING]: Mike, it's Charlie.

Something happened to Beth.

A couple nights ago,

our flat was broken into.

She must have walked in and surprised them.

Mike...

...Beth's dead.

You probably don't give a sh*t...

...but the funeral is this Sunday

at West Ham Cemetery.

She would have wanted you to know.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Press two to repeat.

Three to delete.

Five-five to call back.

[BELL TOLLING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I know you wouldn't have wanted me

to bring flowers, Beth.

One flower out of the ground

is one less battling...

...against greenhouse gases, right?

I figured.

Screw it.

You're Mike.

Guess you're Charlie.

I didn't think you'd come.

Thought I'd better pay my respects.

Well, from what I've heard, you never

had any respect for anything.

And you certainly never had any for Beth.

Oh, come on, that's not true.

Well, apparently, you weren't

really big on honesty either.

So, what are the police saying?

They been anything other than useless?

Yeah, they found them. Dead.

Couple of junkies.

DNA was splattered all over our apartment.

I guess the money they stole helped pay

for their drug overdose.

Look, there's something that you should know.

She was pregnant.

What are you talking about, pregnant?

- Who?

- It was yours.

- We were gonna raise it as our own.

- Oh, right.

Why's that? So you could have

your little perfect lesbian life together?

And what would be wrong with that?

Nothing, if one of you wasn't my girlfriend.

Ex-girlfriend.

And what would you have done, anyways?

I would have done the right thing.

The right thing would've been

to leave us alone.

There you go, I would have done

the right thing after all.

Who's this? New girlfriend, is it?

Didn't waste much time.

I'm her sister, you dick.

CHARLIE:

You are exactly how Beth described you.

Clean up your f***ing mess.

[NEWS THEME PLAYING OVER TV]

The prime suspects in the

Beth Carpenter murder investigation...

...have been found dead of a drug overdose.

Brothers Craig and Hayden Sutton

from North Acton...

...both had a history of drug problems

and long criminal records.

They were found dead on Tuesday morning.

MIKE:
Couple of smackheads rape

and murder a young woman.

Then turn up dead of an overdose.

Very f***ing convenient.

REPORTER:
A police spokesperson

said that Ms. Carpenter...

...had arrived home and disturbed

a burglary in progress.

Beth Carpenter,

a well-known environmental activist...

...was the driving force behind...

...the closure of the Bimeadow

nuclear power facility.

MIKE:
She was a force to be

reckoned with when she wanted to be.

Maybe she pushed too hard this time.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Yeah, it's me.

I need to cash in that favor.

The police dossier says the burglars...

...free-climbed up the wall

to Beth's apartment.

No mean feat.

Then at the window,

they crowbar their way in.

Not impossible...

...but not easy.

Once inside, these two scumbags...

...thought it'd be a good idea to spark up

and smoke some more crack.

And then Beth comes home and disturbs them.

Look how beautiful she is.

Then these burglars decided

to have their fun.

So they rob her,

rape her, knock her unconscious.

And then for good measure,

repeatedly stab her with a bread knife.

So these two drug addicts did all this

for a few household goods...

...and what little money

Beth had in her purse.

Granted, this thing happens a lot.

But something doesn't sit right with me.

Traces of sodium thiopental found

in her postmortem blood work.

Says it was prescribed by a psychiatrist...

...to treat the patient's

pteromerhanophobia...

...the chronic anxiety of flying.

Fear of flying.

Since when?

This must have been a pro outfit.

Sodium thiopental might be used

to treat phobias...

...but in my line of work, it's more

commonly known as truth serum.

These guys made her sing like a canary.

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