Ace Ventura Jr: Pet Detective

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I've got you now.

That's it,

my little misunderstood friend.

Nibble the powdery cinnamon bliss.

No! Your path ends in death!

(woman screams)

(baby cries)

(baby giggles)

(people gasp)

Nooooooo!

You have been saved.

No charge.

Aaargh!

This is certainly an ironic situation,

with an apex predator there

and me over here,

holding this little guy

at the bottom of the food chain and all.

Hey, Mom!

Look what I found.

Ace Irwin Ventura, get out of that habitat

and away from that man-eating alligator this instant!

OK.

Stay!

Aaaaargh!

- How many times have I told y ou?

- A million.

- Visiting me...

...is a privilege.

- And this is the last time I get to come here if I'm...

...going to behave this way.

- I'm serious, Ace.

- You're alway s serious, Mom.

- And do y ou knowwhy?

- Because y ou're not gonnalose me like y ou lost Dad.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I don't knowwhy I had to save him, I just did.

It's a mouse, Ace.

That's why we have traps here.

You are not - I repeat, not - responsible

for every stray animal

in every corner of this planet.

- I'm not?

- No!

Now give me the mouse.

And the hedgehog.

And the guinea pig.

And the ferret.

And the toad.

Oh! There we go.

What?

- Baby gator.

- What baby gator?

Fine. Here.

Nowy ou're late for school.

Let's go.

- Hey, what's that?

- Ace!

- What's going on over here?

- Honey. Honey, come back here.

- Ace. OK, look...

- Pong Ping?

The Chinese governmentloaned us Pong Ping

and Ting Tang, the world's mostfamous pandas.

There's gonna be an unveiling

nextweek. Now...

I know. I promise.

No try ing to find missing pets

or helping animals or any thing.

- Even if they're about to get run over.

- OK, that's notwhat I mean.

And I will try to be normal.

Thank y ou, A.J.

Nowwill y ou please go to school?

OK.

(bell rings)

(Ace Jr.) Normal.

Normal.

Must be normal.

(boy) Tara,

is it true what happened to y our pet?

Yeah. I woke up this morning

and my pet rabbit Mimzy was totally gone.

Rabbit. Mimzy. Lost!

- Of course we're depressed.

- Our skunk's been missing twwo weeks.

We're emotional wrecks about it.

I will be normal.

- My friend can'tfind her chinchilla.

- (boy) This is really weird.

It's an animal-nabbing epidemic!

- (boy) Laura, what abouty ou?

- You think that's bad?

The other day, Greeny, my incredibly rare

emerald-green koi fish, vanished out of the aquarium.

Aargh!

(PA) Yourattention, please.

I have some sad news.

Mr. Chompers,

ourbeloved swim-team mascot, has gone missing.

Any studentwith information

is requested to reportto the pool immediately.

Well, he's gone.

Do y ou know

where our mascot is or not?

- Well, I wouldn't say I knowwhere he is.

- Buty ou knowwho took him?

- Not exactly.

- Buty ou have some kind oflead?

- Define "lead."

- Forget this loser.

No. Wait!

I can find him.

- What makes y ou think that?

- I just... know I can.

Ooh, what are y ou?

Some kind of pet...

finder guy?

(girls laugh)

Just give me four day s.

What have y ou got to lose?

You got 72 hours.

OK. 72 hours.

That's like... twwo weeks.

That's great!

(dog barks)

I knowwhat Mom said, but this is important.

She won'tfind out.

(whimpers)

Cowboy up, dog,

because we're notjust gonna go find Mr. Chompers.

I hear a whole lot oflost pets

calling my name.

(rings bell)

That'll do it.

- This is the busiest intersection in town, Ox.

- (brakes screech and carcrashes)

Thousands of people will see this.

Recognize y our Mimzy?

- No.

- Number three, hop to the right.

Uh-oh.

Number one justwent number twwo.

Numberfour,

stop doing that to number three!

Would y ou guy s stop multiply ing?

Well, how about now?

Lost hamster.

Milk for Milton.

Help find Milton.

Runaway rodent.

Do a brother a solid.

Milk for Milton.

Please, help find Milton.

- I found Milton!

- No. Uh-uh.

I didn'tfind Milton.

Offensive action!

Three, twwo, one.

(both fart)

(skunk splutters)

Now, that's offensive.

- Stop toy ing with our emotions.

- That's not Breezy, moron!

- (girl) Skunk!

- (girls scream)

Waaaaah!

It's called "papering the town,"

Oxnard.

Avery effective method

for disseminating information.

(Ox barks)

That's not true. I treat every one of my missing pets

exactly the same, no matterwho they belong to.

Well, here we are, Ox.

Casa de Laura Wilson's house.

- The scene of the crime.

- (barks)

Sorry, old friend.

Now's not the time to tell Laura how I feel.

- (Ox barks)

- I am not scared to talk to her.

(Ox growls)

Oh, y ou think so, huh?

Yeah, well, watch and learn, Puppy Chow.

We'll find her pet,

and then I'll find time to express how I really feel.

- Hi, Ace.

- (shoutss) Oh, my God, y ou're pretty!

- What?

- (Ox whimpers)

Um...

Your koi fish.

She's itty-bitty.

Yeah, she sure is.

Much like a grunion.

Stand aside, ma'am.

Clues don'tfind themselves, y ou know.

Oxnard, while I'm y oung?

Crime scene is secure.

No sign of forced entries.

Initial suspects include the scuba man

and the treasure chest.

Rememberwhen I brought her into school

as part of my report on unusual animals?

The next morning when I woke up,

Greeny was gone.

Really?

Case number 349A49320451.

Neptune-Alpha-Charlie-Horse.

Missing green koi fish.

Answers to Greeny.

Question.

Have y ou tried calling her?

- Calling her? She's a fish.

- Uh-uh-uh.

- May I?

- Sure.

(gargles) Greeny!

Greeny! Greeny!

Greeny!

Yoo-hoo!

- Well, she's gone.

- Yeah.

Owner is one Laura Wilson.

Smart, funny, greatlistener.

(sniffs)

Excellent personal hy giene,

a smile that'll make y ou feel

like pudding inside

and skin like peaches and cream.

Exceptfor may be this one spot

on her perfectly formed chin.

- Possibly a pimple?

- A pimple? Where?!

- Oh, I'm such an idiot.

- (barks)

No one asked y ou. Um...

Oxnard and I must be going now.

Anyw way, y our collection of aquatic friends

will have their emerald companion back in...

- (clock ticks)

- (bell chimes)

...three day s.

- Really?

- I promise.

You broke y our promise.

What did I tell y ou?

That I'm not responsible for the well-being

of every stray animal in every corner of the planet.

- But, Mom, I had to.

- Do y ou think I like scooping poop all day? I don't.

I got this job so y ou could see animals

as much as y ou want, when y ou want,

safely and with complete supervision.

Yeah, but it's not the same, OK?

I want to find lost animals.

I love it.

OK, I tried every other extracurricular activity

y ou wanted me to

and I mastered them all.

What?

(sings loudly) Aaaaaaaaaah!

Next.

(blows whistle)

Bananas.

P-r-e-t-t-y. Pretty.

- (man) That is correct.

- (applause)

Yourword is

"antidisestablishmentarianism."

P-r-e-t-t-y.

- Pretty.

- (buzzer)

(sniffs)

- This was a dumb idea!

- (loud splash)

Aaaaaargh! Argh!

OK, may be I didn't

master all of them,

but may be athletics

aren't my calling.

W-wait, was Dad an athlete?

A good speller?

An entertainer?

This is not abouty our dad.

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