Adaptation. Page #5

And we end with Susan Orlean

in her office at The New Yorker

writing about flowers, and bang!

The movie begins.

This is the breakthrough I've been

hoping for. It's never been done.

McKee is a genius!

Hilarious. He just comes up with these

great jokes, and everybody laughs.

But he's serious too, Charles.

You'd love him.

He's all for originality, just like you.

But he says we have to realize

that we all write in a genre

and we must find our originality

within that genre.

See, it turns out, there hasn't been a new

genre since Fellini invented the mockumentary.

My genre's thriller. What's yours?

You and I share the same DNA.

Is there anything

more lonely than that?

What'd you say, bro?

- Yeah?

- Hey.

Hey, Susie-Q.

What you up to?

I don't wanna bother you.

Just thought I'd call and get some more info.

I think you say some

pretty smart things, John.

Yeah, smartest guy I know, huh?

So...

whatever happened

to your nursery?

It was going pretty well.

But, you know, sometimes bad

things happen, darkness descends.

Nursery business good, Johnny?

Everything's good, Uncle Jim.

This last year's been a dream.

I'm telling you.

Finally pulling out of debt.

Amen, honey.

I'm so proud of you two, and...

No, ma'am. I'm sorry,

I can't answer that.

Stay right there.

Hey.

- Hold it. Which ones are dead?

- Sir, please, don't move.

- Which ones are dead?

- Let's move it!

I killed my mom, you know,

and my uncle.

Um, that's how I lost

my front teeth.

And my wife was in a coma

for like three weeks.

And she divorced me soon after

she regained consciousness.

Well, I think if I almost died,

I would leave my marriage too.

Why?

Because I could.

Because it's like a free pass.

Nobody can judge you

if you almost died.

Well, I judged her.

Maybe I was being judged too.

It was like a month after that,

Hurricane Andrew came and just

swooped down

like an angel of God...

and just wiped out

everything I had left.

Everything.

I knew it'd break my heart

to start another nursery,

so, you know,

when the Seminoles called,

wanted a white guy or an expert to

get their nursery going, I took the job.

I wasn't gonna give them a

conventional little potted-plant place.

I was gonna give them something

amazing, you know?

Yeah, I know, John.

I know.

"I was going to give them

something amazing."

It's beautifully written.

You have such a unique voice.

Thank you very much.

Ahem.

We're big fans.

Oh, thank you.

Laroche is such

a fun character.

Yeah.

It's funny and fresh.

And sad in a way.

So we were wondering

what's next.

Well, Random House has asked me

to expand it into a book,

so I'm gonna be doing that.

And...

Susan, we would like to option this.

You wanna make it into a movie?

Into a movie.

Ha, ha, ha. Oh, God!

That's really...

How does that sound?

That's very exciting.

Good.

It's just comical. I hadn't thought of it.

I've never written a screenplay before.

Don't worry about that.

We have screenwriters to write the screenplay.

- Hey, superstar.

- It's Marty, super agent.

I just wanna remind you

it's been 13 weeks

and Valerie's anxious

to see a draft.

If you could wrap things up, get

it to her by Monday, that'd be great.

Call me when you get this.

Adis, amigo.

What? What'd you laugh at?

You're a genius.

Which line?

You're a genius.

You're a genius.

"We see orchid hunter

Augustus Margary."

He wears a filthy, spittle-soaked rag

around his head to quell the pain.

The back of his trousers are stained

greasy black from an anal leakage

due to dysentery.

"He moans with each tentative step

through the overgrown jungle."

I'm f***ed.

We open with Laroche. He's funny.

He says, "I love to mutate plants."

He says, "Mutation is fun."

Okay, we show flowers and... Okay.

We have to have the case.

Show Laroche.

He says, "I was mutated as a baby.

It's why I'm so smart."

That's funny. Okay, we open at the beginning of time.

No! Laroche is driving into the swamp.

Crazy White Man!

Aah!

I don't know how to adapt this.

I should've stuck with my own stuff.

Don't know why I thought

I could write this.

See her?

I f***ed her up the ass.

No. I'm kidding.

Um...

Maybe I can help.

It's about flowers.

Okay. Um...

But it's not only about flowers, right?

You have the crazy plant-nut guy?

He's funny. Right?

"There's not nearly enough of him

to fill a book."

So Orlean "digresses in long

passages." Blah, blah, blah.

"No narrative unites these passages."

New York Times Book Review.

I can't structure this.

It's that sprawling New Yorker sh*t.

Oh, man, I'd f*** her up the ass.

Sorry.

The book has no story.

All right. Make one up.

I mean, nobody in this town

can make up a crazy story like you.

You're the king of that.

No, I didn't want to do that this time.

It's someone else's material.

I have a responsibility to Susan...

Anyway, I wanted to grow as a writer.

I wanted to do something simple.

Show people how amazing

flowers are.

Are they amazing?

I don't know. I think they are.

I need you to get me out of this.

All right.

Charlie, you've been stringing

them along for months.

Not to give them anything at this point

would be a terrible career move.

Hey, my script's going amazing.

Right now, I'm working out

an image system.

Because of my multiple personality

theme, I've chosen a motif

of broken mirrors to show my

protagonist's fragmented self.

Bob says an image system increases the

complexity of an aesthetic emotion.

Bob says...

You sound like you're in a cult.

No, it's just good

writing technique.

I made you a copy

of McKee's 10 Commandments.

I posted one over

both our work areas.

You shouldn't have done that.

Because it's extremely helpful.

Hey, Charles, I'm putting a song on.

"Happy Together."

Like when characters sing

in their pajamas and dance around.

I thought it'd break the tension.

At first I was nervous

about putting a song in a thriller,

but Bob says that Casablanca, one of

the greatest screenplays ever written,

did exactly that. Mixed genres.

I haven't slept in a week,

Donald.

I need to go to bed.

Oh. Okay.

Good night.

Yeah?

Hi.

John, it's Susan again.

Hey, Susie-Q.

Um...

How's it going?

Great. I'm training myself

on the Internet.

It's fascinating.

I'm doing pornography.

It's amazing how much these suckers

will pay for photographs of chicks.

It doesn't matter if they're fat

or ugly or what.

Well, that sounds good.

It's great, is what it is.

Listen, John, I hate feeling like

I'm being a pain to you, but I...

I still haven't seen a ghost.

Yeah?

And I was hoping maybe you'd...

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll take you in.

Tomorrow.

Really?

Thank you so much.

Oh, John.

Damn it.

There are too many ideas

and things and people.

Too many directions to go.

I was starting to believe the reason

it matters to care about something

is that it whittles the world down

to a more manageable size.

Such sweet, sad insights.

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