Addams Family Values Page #2

wealthy men,

finding the richest,

loneliest bachelors,

gaining their trust

and their love,

and finally,

she marries them.

Then, on the wedding night,

she kills them.

The deaths

appear accidental.

After the funeral,

she disappears, cash in hand,

but the money

never lasts.

Soon the black widow

is hungry again,

hungry for cash,

hungry for love.

A mistress of disguise,

she's eluded the authorities for years.

Who is she,

and what seemingly innocent pose

will she next assume?

All we can say is...

Bachelors, beware.

We'll be going out

for most of the morning.

All the important numbers--

police, fire department,

morgue.

Fester, come along.

Goodbye, fester.

Say goodbye to Debbie.

[Mumbles nervously]

Have fun!

[Door closes]

Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm!

Fester Addams. My, my.

Stocks and bonds...

Deeds...

Gold bullion.

[Squeak]

Treasury bills...

Iras.

[Squeak]

What a strange old house.

It's so drafty.

It's really no place

for children.

No place at all.

Hold still,

you little brat.

He's not a brat.

Of course not.

He's an adorable little baby.

Fine. Rub it in.

We're getting him

all ready

for a nice little walk.

Would you like to come?

Are you really a nanny?

What a question.

Why did you come here?

Why, to take care of you...

All of you.

Especially my Uncle?

I shouldn't be

telling you this.

They swore me

to secrecy,

the little angels,

but they want to go.

It's all they talked about

all morning.

They're just afraid

to ask you.

They're afraid you'll think

they don't love you.

The poor things.

It's a bizarre request.

It's horrifying.

They have their hearts

set on it.

I knew

you'd want to know

as concerned,

caring parents.

Oh, Gomez,

what shall we do?

How can we say no?

Don't even mention it.

Just do it.

I'm sure

they'll deny everything,

but they want to go,

God love them.

- Summer camp.

- Summer camp.

"Camp chippewa."

How charming.

What's a chippewa?

It's an old

Indian word.

It means orphan.

Fresh air...

The scent of pine.

[Morticia] Wednesday,

look at all of the other children--

their freckles,

their bright little eyes,

their eager,

friendly smiles.

Help them.

Hi. I'm Amanda buckman.

Why are you dressed

like that?

Like what?

Like you're going

to a funeral.

Why are you dressed

like somebody died?

Wait.

Hi. Don buckman.

Isn't this place

something else?

Very exclusive.

A kid has to be

extra special to get in,

gifted, exceptional.

Our Amanda's already

skipped two grades.

How about your boy?

Probation.

We just love chippewa.

Amanda couldn't wait.

It's all

she talked about.

She's got

a whole new wardrobe.

And this little lady?

Wednesday's at

that very special age

when a girl has

only one thing on her mind.

Boys?

Homicide.

[Whistle blows]

Attention!

Hey! Listen up,

everybody.

I'm Gary Granger!

And I'm

Becky Martin-Granger.

We're the owners and directors

here at camp chippewa,

America's foremost

facility for...

Privileged young adults.

And we're all here

to learn, to grow,

and to just plain

have fun!

'Cause that's what being

privileged is all about.

Buffy!

How are you?

I'm fine.

How are you?

How are you doing?

I don't think

I like it here.

Do you know

how dirty you are?

Please leave him alone.

I can't breathe.

Stand up straight,

please.

This is why

he's always sick.

Don't start with me.

This has nothing to do

with allergies.

You did this.

Can you breathe?

Stand up straight.

Stand up straight.

"Everyone at the ball

"turned and stared

at cinderella.

"Who is that beautiful woman?

Everyone asked.

"Even prince charming

noticed the new arrival.

"Who are you?

He asked cinderella."

[Creak]

"My name is cinderella,

she said to the prince.

"Could you tell me

"who is that man

over by the punch bowl,

"that fascinating man,

"that oddly sensual man,

"that man who makes me

quiver under my bodice,

that baldman?"

She's driving me wild!

Who?

Debbie.

Debbie.

Even the sound

of her name...

Debbie.

Isn't it beautiful?

She makes me think of vinyl.

Chemicals!

Truly, fester,

has it finally happened,

at long last?

I don't know.

I think so.

All these years

I've watched you and morticia

through windows,

doorways,

keyholes.

I've been so happy

for you,

but I have to confess

I've been jealous, too.

I've dreamed

that sometime

there might be

someone for me.

There's thing.

I know,

but I want more--

legs, elbows,

a head.

Two legs?

Dare I ask Debbie

to dinner?

What if she says no?

What if she says yes?

If I asked her,

would you come,

you and morticia?

Of course.

[Gulp]

[Tweet]

Life saving.

We're all

top-notch swimmers.

Now we show our stuff

and earn

those certificates.

How about

our first little pair

of life saving buddies?

Amanda, Wednesday.

Is that

your bathing suit?

Is that your over bite?

One of you will be

the drowning victim.

The other one

will be our lifesaver.

I'll be the victim.

All your life.

I'm going to be

an actress.

Brava!

Now jump in,

swim out a few yards,

and start drowning.

Help me!

Help me!

I'm drowning!

Help me!

I'm dying!

I can't swim.

[Playing a tango]

[Playing a tango]

It's our favorite bistro.

We've been coming here

for years.

Of course,

it has been redone.

Oh, it's just...

Lovely.

Isn't it, fester?

Fester.

[Muffled]

It's a quaint

French custom--

sharing half-eaten bread.

Fester is truly

continental.

He spent

many years abroad.

He speaks 12 languages

fluently.

I could tell.

When I first

saw him,

I thought

he was from Europe.

You did?

It's true.

But I took a bath.

Fester's really

a wonderful man.

He's just terribly shy.

I just can't tell--

does he like me

at all?

Of course he does.

He vomited.

Does he always do that

with women he likes?

Oh, no.

Just you.

Ah.

Do you think she minded?

Of course not.

She adores you.

I'm making

such a mess of things.

Gomez, how do you do it?

How can I be like you?

How can I be suave?

Woo her, admire her,

make her feel like she's

the most sublime creature on earth.

Yes. That's it?

We're back,

noses powdered.

Perfection

achieved.

We are the luckiest

brothers on earth.

We are unworthy

of such splendor,

undeserving

of such radiance.

Uh, that's right.

We should have...

Ugly girls.

[Violin plays]

[Gasp]

[Clicking]

[Muffled]

Hah!

And then

the ghost said,

"and I will

haunt you forever."

- Ooh.

- Ooh.

Wednesday,

you have to continue

the ghost story.

This is dumb.

Well, if you

can't do it...

And, so, the next night,

the ghost returned

to the haunted cabin,

and he said

to the campers,

"none of you

really believe in me,

so I'll have

to prove my power."

And the next morning,

when the campers woke up,

all of their old noses

had grown back.

- Aah!

- Aah!

Oh, fester,

how you

must hate me.

What?

Here you are,

a debonair

man of the world.

How I must bore you.

Oh, never.

Fester, before

we go any further,

I have a confession,

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