Adult Life Skills

This is Houston,

we're about to lose radio contact.

This is Houston,

we're about to lose radio contact.

This is Houston,

we're about to lose radio contact.

This is Houston,

we're about to lose radio contact.

Wake up.

Wake up.

- Wake up!

- Wot?

- I can't sleep.

- For f***'s sake.

We've lost communication now,

if I can't communicate

with people I love...

what does that mean?

Peace and quiet?

Do I exist?

- O my God

- Do you believe in God?

For f***'s sake wot time is it?

Are we going to crash into the sun?

Probably.

Like Icarus.

Uh no,

Icarus' downfall was due to hubris.

Wot?

Excessive pride.

I wonder what my downfall is?

Being a dick.

Are you making a video?

No.

I can see the laptop screen...

Get to bed.

You looked like death

warmed up, earlier.

Marion, have you looked

in the mirror lately?

Stay out of this, Mum.

There's a hair on your chin

I could swing on.

What you lookin'?

Oh, f***in' 'ell!

Ahh

Anna!

Get out!

I'm late!

I don't care!

Didn't you used to live in a commune?

Yeah, but we didn't shower together!

Anna!

Ohhh my God!

Is it too much to ask for you to get

dressed before you leave the house?

I haven't left the house.

If you two don't get out

of here in five seconds...

I will pull back this curtain.

Oh my God, what is that?

Mom!

Five...

Four...

There is post for you.

Three...

I don't care.

Two...

Can we have a chat about

your birthday tonight, please?

One!

Oh my God, Mom!

It is said

That you cannot be found

Under rocks or broken skull

I will lay down

I will lay down

I can be found

beneath the rose

beneath the rose

Alone

Safe to say

That I'll never be found

Broken bones holding loose

You will be crowned

You will be crowned

Queen of all

you have found

you have found

Alone

Sorry!

You look like you're lactating.

Need to be avin' sex for that.

Is work interfering with

Maggie's sun-tanning regime?

Don't ask... she phoned me at half-seven

to tell me about her fungal infection

This is not the week for her

to be off sick.

Wots with "moles"?

Alfy said she wants to keep a record of

how many new ones comin' up each day.

Why?

Somethin' about old people trippin' over.

'Scuse me, ladies...

I've just found this outside.

Sometimes I wish the

suffragettes hadn't bothered.

Hiya!

Hiya.

You're runnin' a bit late for

work aren't ya?

My boss is away this week,

I've got the office to myself.

Ah, you lucky git.

Ta.

I've got somethin' for you.

Sh*t!

Ah.

It had arms and a face.

Oh.

I was gonna text a photo to you

but I thought if it was just a photo

you wouldn't believe it,

I could've just googled it.

So I thought I'd bring it to you

but now I'm just standing here holding

what looks like an old man's dick.

How's the book goin'?

Yeah, it's good.

What's it about again?

It's about a cat who goes away

and then...

they think, "Where's the cat gone?"

but the cat

Are you the cat?

No, I'm not the cat.

Have you been washin' up?

Got a wet bra on.

I thought you dip 'em in your tea.

Domain is due to Expire

Domain is due to Expire

Ladies and gentlemen...

Who are we?

Let's start at the very beginning.

Billy and Anna are twins

who grew up in the

arse end of nowhere.

Yorkshire!

Yorkshire!

They spent their days as any

radicals on the fringes of society would...

Dressing up as TV detectives

from the 1970s.

And imagining they were in the "A Team".

In 1972, a crack commando unit was

sent to prison by a military court.

It was a happy time

where dreams of the future were forged.

As far back as I can remember

I always wanted to be

Give me a break!

As far back as I can remember

I always wanted to be

You gotta be kiddin'

As far back as I can remember

I always wanted to

After narrowly avoiding being beaten up

their Nan explained a painful home truth...

"It's a thin line between being

a maverick artistic genius..."

David Hasselhoff

"...and just some a**hole

that everyone finds annoying." Bono

Astonished by the insight of this advice

the twins forged a creative

- vision to help others.

- Anna!

And thus... "How to Live..."

Stick the kettle on.

Do you know what

happened to the microwave?

No.

Whose is that?

Here she is now.

Anna, this is my new hairdresser...

Luke.

She didn't always look this bedraggled.

Ah, I think you look great.

Clearly blind Luke, I've still got spots

and I'm starting getting gray hair as well.

Sorry.

Don't be like that,

don't walk off.

It's...

He's come to give you a nice haircut.

That's brilliant, Mum, but I'm busy.

Sorry, Luke.

Anna!

You're being rude.

Got work to do!

Wha, what are you busy doing Anna? I hope

you're not making them bloody film videos.

I'm not.

You look like a homeless teenager.

Should have a dog and

a piece of string.

Some men like women who

haven't made an effort.

You don't look like you

haven't made an effort...

you look like

you can't afford to.

You want to have a go at me as well?

What do you think about my haircut?

Sh*t, right?

Mmm, it's not as bad as the one that's

immortalized in your passport

where your gender's in question.

Anna!

I'm actually trying to do something

constructive for your welfare.

Bon Jovi's still here.

Don't shut the door on me

we've not finished.

Anna.

Anna... just come and have a cup o' tea.

I'm workin'.

Oh yeah.

Mum!

Mum!

Calm down, Marion.

Don't tell me to calm down,

this can't go on!

Why not?

18 months in a shed is too much.

Says who?

Let's not row now, please.

You said you'd be out by now.

I didn't, you decided I would be.

You need to get on with things, Anna,

you're going to be 30 next week.

Get on with what, get a new boyfriend?

Well, yeah!

If it stops you moping about

making them bloody film videos

I'm not moping.

Hang on, Marion

Oh fine, you talk to her.

Anna...

What your Mum's trying to say

It's not normal

livin' in my shed at your age.

Well, you live with your Mum

and you're well old.

She just means it's time you

started doing things again, Sweetheart.

You can move into the house.

I'm not doin' that.

Look...

Let's start again.

What you Mum means is

you're not really livin' right now.

I mean...

when I was your age

I woulds't have an adventure.

Oh geez,

she doesn't need a bloody adventure.

Anna, you need to move on, I...

I think we need to get you

a nice flat nearby.

- Good luck with that.

- I mean it.

I want you out of that shed

by your birthday. This ends now!

(Luke clears throat)

Do you...? ummm...

want me to look at your hair?

Password Incorrect

Password Incorrect

Password Incorrect

And you lost sight on me

Whilst the wind it blows so holy

As if I disappeared

To thin, breathless air,

Drinking, bittersweet

And sometimes it seems

That you lost sight

on me

Anna, are you up?

Anna?

I was thinkin'...

uh...

should we go to a show for your birthday?

(? garbled ?) at the Civic.

Could be fun.

Well we should book it now if you fancy it

and maybe to a restaurant

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