Adult Life Skills Page #2

or something af...

Anna.

No.

It's still your birthday you know.

Were you up all night watching

"Grease" on the telly?

No.

Were you?

My mom had it on.

Oh aye.

My Mum had it on.

She did!

Have you seen "Grease"?

Yeah.

At the end of the film...

He turns up in a white coat

like dressed like her...

and she turns up in black...

dressed like him.

And they look at each other.

And then...

He just takes of his coat

like yeah, we'll dress like me then.

There's not even a discussion like maybe

they could dress like her !

Like I know it's the 50s

but that is everyday sexism gone mad.

That's 21.

How'd you know that?

I like counting.

If we were ancient greeks

I'd be like Apollo, like all rational and

and ordered

and a bit anal about everything

but you would be like...

exciting and arty like Dionysus.

Huh.

Dionysus is the good one.

Most people want to be Dionysus.

Bye.

- Alice, you did Classics right?

- Yeah.

Who were Dionysi?

You're a sex-obsessed (? pisser ?). You

shouldn't personify the moles, you know.

Hello Kid's Club.

Take the hat off.

We need to take the hat off, Darling.

Please do not use the oars as weapons.

I repeat. Do not use the oars as weapons.

(? Tom ?) you little sh*t

you're driving me mad.

The mikes still on!

F***in' hell!

You tryin' to kill me?

Marion, have you got my cup of tea?

Marion?

It's next door's daughter

and her little boy.

I guess that means there's not long now.

(Renew Automatically)

(Thanks for renewing your website, Billy!)

Taadaa!

Hi!

When did you get back?

Yesterday.

Got to wait to two weeks for

my flat so I'd come home.

Get my sister to do my washing.

Show off my tan.

How are you feelin'?

Yeah, good!

Bit jet-lagged.

Menstruating like a walrus but...

nothin' new there.

F***in' hell you livin' in here?

Yeah, I just needed some space.

There's not a lot of space in here!

My God, do you remember when you, me,

and Billy used to make dens in here?

and your Mum would turn off the electricity

to get us to go in for our tea?

God it's so weird being back.

Can't get used to it.

It's being in the sun every day...

I've been really good about

wearing suncream though so...

I don't think I've got any skin damage.

Hi, Patrick.

How are you?

Yeah, you're right, I have lost weight.

So...

I've got something for you.

You're gonna be 30!

What we gonna do for it then?

Nuthin'.

Awww, we gotta do somethin'.

Why?

Alright, why don't we have a...

Happy Unbirthday Night.

It'd be fun!

You still making your video?

Ah no, I just needed to renew the domain.

Do wanna watch "Rocky"?

Oh, yes!

I've got it downloaded.

I've missed ya.

I missed you.

In a minute.

Hi!

You okay?

- Yeah!

- Your Mum came to the office.

You lookin' for a flat?

O God, my Mum can just f*** off!

I like your badges.

The green one for?

I dunno.

I think we should get badges for

Adult Life Skills...

You know like...

changing a car tire or...

or sewing...

or sending something back

in a restaurant.

Or knitting.

- Is that Brendan Mayer?

- Yeah.

- So when did he move back?

- He's come back to write his masterpiece.

What the hell you wearin'?

Are you lookin' for faces?

Yeah.

You're very good at spottin' them.

Maybe you could get a

badge for looking for faces

Show us your lunch box, Linford!

Hi, Brendan!

How ya doin' ya big sexy beast?

Your buttocks are like

glistening orbs in the morning dew.

Sorry but interrupting is my attempt

to objectifying you.

You do realize Anna's havin'

a piss right now don't ya?.

Can ya not see the steam?

- Ahh God!

- Yeah, maybe give her a tissue or a wet wipe.

(? garbled ?)

I'm so sorry, I'm sorry,

I, so sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

In fact,

There are other nettles down there

so be careful there.

You do not want a nettle on your fanny.

You're a bully.

Does he still love the Spice Girls?

Ah, leave him alone.

He's a lot taller than I remember,

not that actually means anything.

I googled this after a very

disappointing encounter

with a basketball

player in Koh Samui.

Apparently it has nothing to do with

height, or feet, or anything like that.

There were these guys,

Korean guys,

and basically they measured them

and they found out it's all

to do with the

second and fourth digit?

So the key is look at a guy's hand.

You need to listen to me.

Wait!

You need to listen otherwise

you're gonna end up with some nice guy

whose got a broad digital ratio

and your vagina's never gonna forgive ya.

So you've already bumped

into the prodigal one?

Hey, what are ya doin' 'ere?

Ummm

Savin' the day!

I'm helpin' her out with the kid's company

while Maggie's off.

So you've dressed accordingly?

Yes.

That's just not appropriate footwear.

Wot? I'm Miss Scarlett.

This is my contempory interpretation.

I'm getting into my part

Stanislavski style.

Do you think Stanislavski wore porn shoes?

Uhh, they're your porn shoes.

Oh f***!

Hang on!

I need you to play the victim.

- Wot?!

- Ha ha!

So you snog anyone then?

Only in a mirror.

Maybe you should become a lesbian.

That sash quite suits you.

D'ya know what I just think?

You need to get 'bout more in

touch with yourself.

- You know what, try Yoga,

- Ugh.

- ...meditate, and honestly

- Stop.

- ...when I was on this island

- No. No, no, no, no, no, no, you promised

that when you came back

you wouldn't be a wanker.

Well...

should've come with me like

you were supposed to.

Then you'd be a wanker too.

That doesn't make any sense.

Ahhh, this is takin' ages.

Cuz you're such a fat, f***in', b*tch!

Come on!

Look!

C'mon.

Right!

I want ya... to survey

the scene.

Somethin'...

is wrong.

Things... don't add up.

Look at the people.

How are they behavin'?

What are they hidin'?

How...

do they give themselves away?

She's alive, case solved.

It's only a game.

A rubbish one.

Right!

Let's go and interview Miss Scarlett!

Then we're gonna look

at a capsule of information

about the victim.

Come on!

You look like Clint Eastwood.

My name is Clint.

Hmmm, very funny.

Why?

You're serious?

Yeah.

My dad is a cowboy,

blows buildings up with dynamite.

What? Like a re-enacter?

Yeah, and that's what I wanna do

when I grow up.

D'ya wanna see the fastest

gunslinger in the West?

See it?

You didn't do it.

Yeah, I know, it's a joke.

It's not funny.

One.

Four.

Two.

- Four.

- Three.

Four.

Four.

Four.

- Six.

- Four.

- Four. Four. Four.

- Fourteen.

Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God,

Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God,

Wot the f***'s up with you?

We're gonna hit the sun.

F***in' hell.

You need to read "On the Beach".

That sounds nice.

It's the story about some people waitin'

for the arrival of a deadly radiation.

- Wot?

- And how they deal with their impending death.

Oh my God.

They just went on picnics and

did gardening and stuff.

- Wot?!

- Basically, you need a goal... like Rocky.

- Oh my God.

- Rocky trains to win a fight,

and in doing it he regains self respect,

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