Adult Life Skills Page #3

and makes peace with

the person he'll never become.

Adrian says that in "Rocky 3".

When she finally grows a pair.

When she wears that great coral lipstick.

When she's finally given some lines.

When she wears that nice necklace.

What are you doin' you nufter?

You need to look after this little dude cuz

he's drivin' the other kids mental

and Alice is gonna kill him.

Could you stop that?

I'm bored.

Well,

Why 'it you draw her a picture?

I'm not drawin' a picture,

people in the clinic,

see what my feelin's are

doin' inside.

Well, why don't you draw her a flower?

Or a, or a rainbow?

Can I have one of them?

You missed a bit.

You missed another bit.

And there.

Mmm.

Don't say anything.

Wot on Earth have you been doin'?

Honest to...

- Come 'ere.

- Ugh!

Mom!

Ahh, that is rank!

I don't believe it!

How are ya!

You look fantastic!

Doesn't she look well?

Yeah, of course you can.

Mind your fingers.

Your face is so slim now

I can't get over it.

Aw, thanks.

Yeah, I got dysentery

while I was in India.

It was great.

When do you go back to

London and start work?

Well, actually, I gonna

have a bit of a career change.

Yeah?

Yeah, I just got into a really...

energized headspace when I was away.

Yeah, I'm gonna retrain as a coreographer.

You know, got a yoga teacher.

I'm rebootin'.

This is a good time

to make a fresh start.

I think...

Anna's problem is that

her childhood ambition was to be rescued

by David Hasselhoff of "Baywatch".

I wanted to be David Hasselhoff.

If that isn't the cause of an existential

crisis I don't know what is.

Anna needs a way

to motivate herself.

I can hear ya.

Anna's got a way to motivate herself.

Yeah, she just thinks of

Patrick Swayze topless.

Not in "Point Break" though,

that makes me wanna vom.

Why can't you be more like Fiona?

What, go away for 2 years and

shack up with a fat South African?

No, I didn't mean that.

Well, she's just focused, isn't she?

Leave her alone.

Anna's just having a little think

about what she wants.

Aren't ya Anna?

Wot I want is for you to leave me alone.

Right.

Well, I'll leave you alone

while you look 'round this.

Wot?!

I never thought you'd

move back here permanently.

Well you 'ave.

Not permanently.

Only while I write my book.

Wot's that about again?

Changed it now, it's about 'is...

- ...ballet dancer who comes back from...

- That you?

Nn...

Have you actually looked 'round?

Yeah.

It made me want to slit my forehead

and bleed all over the floor.

Honestly.

It's like a contraceptive

made of chipboard and pebbledash.

If she moves in here

her hymen will grow back.

Can we go now?

Why does it always have to be about sex?

'Cuz everything is about sex.

Honestly,

I'm gonna put you on the Internet

and find a Neanderthal that'll blow out

the cobwebs in your...

Nah, I'm not movin' out...

until I've worked out what I'm doin'.

So just back off.

No... no, you said that 5 months ago.

Time's up!

Bye.

See ya.

'Ow do you know what you want in life?

Listen to your heart!

Your heart will tell you what to do.

I can't listen to my heart

it tells me things like...

You like "X-Factor" more

than you care to admit and...

Consider a perm.

I know what I want.

Oh, yeah?

Wot?

A girlfriend.

Well, you're not gonna find one down 'ere.

Come down 'ere and give me a 'and.

I will not come down

until my demands are met!

You'll be waitin' a long time then.

This old guitar...

taught me to sing

a love song.

Taught me how to laugh

and how

to cry.

It introduced me to some

friends of mine and it

brightened up some days.

And helped me make it through

some lonely nights.

A friend to have

on a cold

and lonely night.

Wot're ya doin?

I'm acceleratin' the cycle of life.

You can't just move them nearby.

They have strong homing instincts.

They'll come back.

I saw it on "Baywatch."

"Spring Watch," Mother.

Whateva.

Stop followin me.

No, he's goin' with ya.

What?!

That's my cowboy home!

Twenty-five.

Twenty-six.

Twenty-seven.

Twenty-eight.

I think I'm gonna be like

you when I'm older.

That's nice.

Why?

Ww it's

It's a nice compliment.

I meant, sad and angry all

the time after my Mum dies.

I'm not sad and angry all the time.

All right, no friends, then.

I've got friends!

All right, livin' with your Nan, then?

If you take your walkie-talkie home

we could talk to each other at night.

How many moles are there?

Twenty-nine.

Hey!

Hey.

How ya doin?

Good.

Nice bike!

Thank you.

How's it goin'?

Good yeah good. Great.

I'm just on my way to the supermarket.

Seven-thirty.

So life is good.

Very precise.

I don't like it when there

are children there.

Yeah.

Naturally, yeah.

Anna's just

gone to the bar to get us a drink,

d'ya wanna join us for a pint?

Uhh no, no you,

I didn't know you were with Anna.

I'll leave you to it.

- Why're you bein' weird?

- I'm not being weird.

- Why are you being weird?

- Oh my God, do you like her?

- No!

- Oh my God, you do !

- I definitely don't.

- I thought you were...

You thought I was what?

Why does everyone think I'm gay?!

I've got a soft voice and I

wore pink shorts once

(? on a Frantic Stage ?)

- and that's all anyone ever remembers.

- Hey Anna!

- See ya later.

- Nice to see ya.

Take it easy.

We're goin' out to a pub on Saturday,

you should come!

Oh my God, I just had the weirdest

conversation with Brendan.

Umph, nuthin' new there.

It's like "The Wicker Man" in there.

It can't be worse than bein' at home.

Honestly, I can really see why

you stay around here, I mean...

it's such a cultured place.

You know, there's so much goin' on.

It's what dreams are all about.

I dream about makin' the perfect lasagna.

Well, that's quite an

achievable dream for like...

seven quid.

- Should have come to Thailand.

- Oh please don't.

- Honestly, I did a Thai cooking class

- Shhhhh!

I can make a Thai curry from scratch.

- Wow.

- Pad Thai.

Egg Fried Rice.

Egg Fried Rice is Chinese.

It was a really

cheap cooking class.

Anna.

Anna?

Anna.

Hello.

Hello?

You kept all the things I threw away

A leaf I picked, a birthday card I made

Holding on to memories of you and me

We didn't last a year

oh

We're just a box of souvenirs

cause

Maybe

I pulled the panic cord

And maybe

you were happy, I was bored

Maybe I wanted you to change

Maybe I'm the one to blame

Maybe

you were just too nice to me

Maybe

it took me way too long to leave

Maybe once we felt the same

Maybe I'm the one to blame

Maybe I'm the one to blame

Maybe I'm the one to blame

How long have we been doing this?

567 days.

We're just doin' the same thng

everyday

all the time and then we'll die.

F***in' 'ell, cheer up.

Do you think this makes us like

John McClane in the "Die Hard" films?

- Sisyphus

- Who?

He was condemned to repeat

the same meaningless task.

Pushin' a rock up a mountain,

only to see it roll down again.

- Forever.

- Wot?

We have to imagine he's

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