Adult World

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Oblivion receding, the abyss opening,

the screaming dirt of chaos blinding.

Strong meter, Amy.

Strong words.

- Thank you.

- Mazel Tov.

Josh?

You're up next.

Good.

I love your words.

This is "emerald ambrosia:

An ode to absinthe."

Picture it with no punctuation,

because there is none.

An incredibles poet on campus.

- Your turn.

- Oh.

- Whoa!

- Yep.

Just...Okay, yank it.

- Are you still a virgin?

- No, no, I'm not, actually.

It's beautiful.

Your poetry is really beautiful.

I feel like I can see inside of you.

I want to be inside of you.

- Here?

- Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

- What was that?

- Nothing.

Wait, wait, wait.

Just relax. Just relax.

What are you doing?!

- Easy, easy!

- Come on! It's art!

Stop! Whoa whoa!

Amy...

Your dirt metaphor's a clich,

and your poetry sucks!

- I hate that song.

- Me too.

By the way, what a misogynistic pig.

You should have castrated that guy.

I don't even care anymore, you know?

I'm resilient.

I'd like to share something with you.

"Amnesiac magazine grins,

feeding from the mall,

polyblend combustion burning

on the escalator to nowhere."

Oh, my God, I think I just

got my period.

So haunting, so ahead of its time

it's practically ancient.

Sh*t.

Soon, we'll be free of this hellhole.

As the days died early,

she longed escape from her cage.

Thank's mom!

Here, honey.

These were on the printers.

You have a lot of submissions.

There's a small reading fee

for a few of the reviews.

Small? How small?

Well, um, a lot of the

reviews have prizes.

Like, the finger lakes' prize is $1,000,

and I'm a shoo-in.

I mean, you're only eligible

if you're an unpublished,

female poet under the age of 25

from upstate New York.

So...Hello.

Hello!

Hello.

Dad, can I get some stamp money?

Amy, you know

we believe in your talent,

and we know how

special you really are,

but, um, we can't afford to subsidize

your poetry career.

Okay, I know it seems like

I'm not really doing anything right now,

but I am writing nonstop,

all the time.

Things are pouring out of me

you wouldn't even believe.

I could have a volume of poetry

in a week.

I mean, I'm feeling a lot.

I'm thinking a lot.

I'm...I'm inspired, dad.

I'm inspired!

Sweetie, you've got $90,000

in student loans,

and you've already spent a couple

of thousand on these submissions.

so, we can give you an extension for

another week, but, after that, no more.

We just have to cut the

umbilical cord.

So...

Let's see what happens with those.

And here's some stamp money...

Just until you win the pulitzer.

- I love you.

- Thanks, dad.

I will suffer through this.

I will suffer through this!

Yes.

Twice a week would be wonderful.

Wonderful.

I could pay you $4.25 an hour.

It was a sign...

Literally and figuratively.

Hi, Hon.

Need some help?

- No, I-I...I didn't mean to come in.

- You come about the job?

No! No, no, no, no.

Not at...

Sorry.

It won't bite you.

Ew!

Nope. Sorry.

We're not hiring.

I could be a real asset here.

I know everything there is to

know about poetry.

Rat billings is doing a signing

here at this bookstore?

- Yeah, you like him?

- Like?!

"The squalor of splendor"

is one of my favorite poems ever written.

He was 18 when he did that.

It's the best thing he ever did.

He's a good training-wheels poet

if you're not ready for the great ones yet.

Rat billings is the great.

Salinger worked in a

meat-processing plant.

Stanley, this nice, young woman

has come in about the job.

My friends know where I am!

Sorry.

C- come on.

Go on. Don't be afraid.

Got any experience working retail?

Actually, no.

Are you at all familiar with our

inventory?

More or less.

Tell her about our insurance.

Insurance?

Does this mean I got the job?

We try to take care of our people,

so we provide some basic

health coverage.

Thank you.

My darling.

Pretty much a mom-and-pop operation.

Mary Anne likes to do the ordering.

I know the merchandise better.

I had a question.

When do I...

You get paid on Fridays,

every two weeks.

Great.

Hi. I'm Alex.

I'm the manager.

- Amy.

- Nice to meet you.

And I'm Rick.

- Hi.

- Rick.

We talked about this.

Rick doesn't work here.

And you should probably wash

your hand.

I'm just kidding.

Okay.

- I got a job.

- That's great!

- What?

- See, Todd?

That's wonderful.

Welcome to the adult world.

So, aren't you gonna tell us what it is?

What are you doing?

It's kind of an underground

art magazine type of thing.

I don't like you working

downtown after dark.

That's racist.

I just want to take a minute

to explain our filing system here,

called "sparfs."

It's sexual preference,

age, race, fetish, size...

kind of like the Dewey

decimal system for eratica.

Anyway, this one right here,

they're old, they're black,

and they're gay.

But they wouldn't go in the

"old" section.

They'd go in the gay area,

'cause they're gay.

That's the sexual preference.

And then...

You know, and then it'd go in

the "old" section and then "black" section,

the "black" subsection

of the "gay, old" section.

Anyway, like any great rule of thumb,

there are a few exception to sparfs.

- A green dot...

- Who puts on the dots?

No one knows.

It's a mystery.

- It's really easy to remember.

- Sexual preference, age...

- Race, fetish...

- ...Race, fetish...

- ...Size.

- ...Size.

I memorize it just, like,

by the rap.

Sexual preference

age, race, fetish, size.

Sexual preference

age, race, fetish, size.

It's pretty easy to remember that way,

if you do that.

I'm doing it in my head.

I don't want to do it out loud.

When this gentleman wants to

check out a video, you get his card.

That's got membership info,

notes written by employees.

What are sticky video returns?

- What?

- Really? Okay.

When that happens, we give him a copy

of our customer policies.

There you go.

Reread that.

Thank you.

Here you go.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- Happy first day.

- Thanks.

Have fun with your esoteric

reading.

- I'll see you tomorrow.

- Yeah!

- Bye!

- Drive safe!

Thanks!

Hi.

Wow. It's an old one.

Got to be 20 years old.

Thank you.

All right, who's next?

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Hi.

- What's your name?

If you don't want to have

your book signed,

can you just step out of the way,

so that people...

Yeah, I'm sorry.

- I'm so sorry!

- I got it. I got it.

I got it. I got it.

I got it.

- No, I got it.

- No, just... let me just do this.

It's fine.

Excuse me, Mr. billings?!

Hi! I am an enormous fan, like,

crazy-big fan of yours!

Thank you.

- It's so nice to meet you.

- We met inside.

I mean...You remember!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Um...

I just wanted to say ignore the reviews.

Your new book is tremendous.

The New York times

really has no taste anymore.

I know.

It's kind of a badge of honor, really.

I just love your work.

I just want to smash your head

open and take everything in there!

- That's...Lovely.

- It really speaks to me.

- What does it say?

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