Adult World Page #5

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Sincerely...

Sincerely...

Evelyn...Renoir."

You whore.

Ew.

Hey.

Who's the dead girl on the wall?

- Sylvia.

- How'd she die?

She stuck her head in the oven.

- That's bananas.

- Mm-hmm.

- Did you ever feel invisible?

- No, not really.

Hey, I know what's wrong with you.

Hey.

I've been wanting to do this

ever since I met you.

What?

Whoa.

She's a snow leopard.

I need a drink.

Holy mother of God.

I can understand that.

Sure.

Come on in.

Make it a stiff one, Buster,

and make it snappy.

You look lovely tonight.

What are you doing out here this late?

It's the witching hour.

Maybe I'm a witch.

Ran right into that one.

A- ha!

Why are you dressed like a hooker?

And so began our torrid love affair.

- Whoops.

- Oh, my God.

Jesus Christ!

I want you to deflower me.

I've chosen you, rat billings,

to open the bud of my womanhood.

I only ask that you treat me as

you would treat a poet.

What, you want me to slap you

around a little bit?

I want to be picked like an

exotic flower,

like a rare breeze.

You actually are a pretty girl,

aren't you?

Do it to me!

Do it to me good!

Oh, come on.

Don't use that voice.

Do it to me!

Do it to me good!

That's when you're losing me,

with the "do it it to me, do it to me good."

I thought people liked that.

No, I don't believe anything

you're saying, sweetheart.

- Have sex with me.

- No.

- No to the voice or no to the sex?

- No to both.

What, do you think

I'm ugly or something?

No, no.

I think you're psychotic.

You're just a kid.

- I am a woman.

- You're a little snickers bar.

You're a little snicks.

I'd like to read you

something I wrote for you.

You're a little snick-snack.

You're an a**hole.

"In squalid ether,

digital-surveillance nightmare.

Shattered wings catapult the vast

vulva of shattered oblivion."

It's astonishing.

Tell me what you really think of it,

poet to poet, mentor to protg.

Tell me the truth.

Do you think I could be a real poet?

- Snicks.

- Do you?

Tell me!

Snickers? Snicks?

Well, you're off to a good start.

There's more.

- Can I use the bathroom?

- Yeah.

So, where'd you go last night?

To an awful, terrible place

I may never recover from.

What happened? Are you okay?

I messed up.

I'm such a failure.

Whatever it was,

I'm sure it wasn't that bad.

Trust me. It was bad.

Well, I've done some really

stupid sh*t.

Last night?

No, last night I left right

after you did.

Your friend Candace is kind of an...

Octopus.

I had to escape her testicles.

Testicles.

I've been working here too long.

Whatever, really, though,

I've done things I wish I hadn't.

It's part of life.

But if you need anything,

let me know.

Thank you.

- That's really nice of you.

- You're welcome.

What do you want to bet that's a

bachelorette party?

- Hi.

- Hi.

Um... we're only in here because

we're going to a bachelorette party.

- A bachelorette party?!

- Yeah.

Oh, my God!

And I was wondering if you

had, like, some kind of package?

- I have a package.

- Good.

- I'll be right back.

- Thanks.

Oh, my God!

Amy?

Amy Anderson?

Oh, my God, Maggie!

Hi!

How is it going?

I didn't see you.

Amy used to go to my middle school.

She thought she was gonna be

this famous poet.

I'm actually,

um, I'm still working on that.

What's it like working in a

dirty-video store?

I bet you see a lot of freaks.

You know what, Maggie?

You're a freak!

O-- Kay.

Rat?!

I'm not receiving any visitors today.

It's life-or-death.

It's creative life-or-death!

I am so sorry that I vomited upon you,

but I need to know the truth.

Truth's subjective, Amy.

Cut the bullshit, okay?

I am in physical and emotional

pain right now.

I need to know what you thought

of my poems.

Well... You're in pain? How much...

What... what kind of pain are you in?

The worst pain I've ever been in.

Oh, okay, well, on a scale, what

would you say you are, on a universal...

- On the wong-Baker facial-grimace scale?

- This is the death of a loved one, all right?

- It's a 10.

- No.

- It's worst pain possible.

- That's like Auschwitz.

So, I mean, I think it's...

you would be somewhere...

Somewhere in here, I think.

If you go like that...

And, then, you're like that,

and sthat's Amy.

Here, you know, where it's on

this side of it, maybe in Cleveland.

- Tell me!

- I read your poems.

- And?

- Credit to your tenacity.

- What's this?

- It's a map.

Russia and Mongolia.

Just, I want you to go there one day

and write something.

Anyway, I found them exceedingly special.

I found them uniquely you.

I found them... Most like you.

- You really think so?

- Yeah, yeah.

In fact, I'm putting together a

little anthology,

a little, shitty, little, sh*t-filled,

sh*t-stained anthology of new work.

- And?

- And it's not anything major,

but, if you want, I can include

one of your shitty, little...

Oh, my God! Yes!!

Oh, my God, thank you!

Thank you, thank you, thank you,

thank you, thank you, thank you!

All right, all right, all right.

Yes, yes!

This is the best day ever!

This is the best day ever!

Oh, my God!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Thank you, thank you!

Whoo!

All right, I'm gonna go.

Thank you!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

- Come on, darling.

- Good night.

- Good night, darling.

- Good night.

- Hi.

- Hey. What's up?

Did you just see what just

happened?

What?

That a**hole just stole a bunch of sh*t.

You didn't even notice.

I- I'm sorry.

- I was rearranging some DVDs.

- You know, you're lucky to have this job.

Any other place would have fired

you by now.

And you get to do anything you

want here, and we don't say sh*t.

And you just take advantage.

It's bullshit.

Okay, I'm sorry, but...

It's not like this is a career.

It's a stupid job in a stupid place.

This place is how Stan and

Mary Anne make their living.

It's how I make my living.

And it really pisses me off that

you think that you're better than that.

What are you trying to say?

I'm saying go find yourself

another stupid job.

Fine.

You know, I'm up for a lot

of awards right now and accolades,

and I don't need

a job that's for losers, okay?

Especially not in this...

This porn hole!

Yeah?

The napkins that I had over there

that I moved over here...

...that I was working on, the white ones?

I don't know about those.

What do you mean you don't

know about them? They were here,

and then you cleaned up,

and then things got unorganized.

The manuscript's on the napkins

that were with the coasters...

...that you moved over from over there

when I told you don't clean,

don't clean, don't clean.

And you did, anyway?

I can't find them.

Oh, Napkins, napkins.

There's napkins there.

I know.

I'm not looking for these.

I'm looking for these.

This has got this.

Where are they?

I told you not to clean up.

If you put them back over here,

I'm gonna be very upset with you.

Here they are.

I found them.

I must have accidentally put

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