Adventures in Babysitting Page #2

I spent it all on the cab here.

- Chris, I need help.

- I know.

- You're in my house.

- If I take a cab to the Andersons',

- could you pay for it?

- Oh, no, that's going to be like $40.

- I don't have $40.

- Well, can you pick me up?

No, I'm babysitting.

I can't call anybody else.

My dad doesn't know.

He'd kill me if he found out.

I'm begging you. It's really scary here.

I've seen three people shoot up,

a bald Chinese lady with no pants on,

and there's this old guy outside

who wants his slippers.

Get out of my house!

You've just moved!

- Please hurry up and get here.

- I've got my mom's car.

I can't drive it into the city.

Oh, my God. There's a man with a gun.

- Get me the hell out of here.

- Look, just hang up and sit down.

Don't move. I'll be there in half an hour.

Please hurry. I think he's going

to kill somebody. Maybe me.

Brenda?

- I don't believe this. I do not.

- Who's Mike? He your boyfriend?

Yes. I've got to go downtown.

- Brad, will you watch Sara?

- No way.

- What if the house explodes?

- The house is not going to explode.

You leave him here and it will.

I will be gone an hour there and back.

That's it. Okay?

- You guys go steady or what?

- What?

- Do you?

- Yes. Are you two listening to me?

My mom is paying you good money

to watch me.

Brad can watch you.

Why would my mom pay you

good money for Brad to watch me?

Sara...

- Why can't we just all go?

- Because.

- Do you like him a lot?

- No. Yes.

- Well, which is it?

- Yes. I like him a lot.

No, Sara, your parents would die if

they found out I took you into the city.

They'd die if they found out

you left me here alone with him.

Well, who's going to tell them?

- Anybody have to go to the bathroom?

- Nope.

Come on, let's go.

Now, if anybody asks,

we went for ice cream.

Okay.

- Road trip?

- Jesus.

- Where are you going?

- SARA:
Downtown.

The city? Hey, can I go?

- No, Daryl. Go home.

- Who is this kid?

- Stray dog.

- Daryl Coopersmith.

- And you're Chris Parker, right?

- Daryl, go home.

- You must be a great babysitter.

- What is he talking about?

Mr. And Mrs. Anderson

must really trust you

to take little kids into the city. Alone.

- Yeah, isn't it great?

- It is so great

that I'll get my mom to talk

to the Andersons about you.

- Then maybe you can babysit for me.

- Stop him.

And then maybe we can drive off to

New York or something just for kicks.

- Chris...

- Daryl.

- You think?

- What am I supposed to do?

- Get in the car and run him over.

- Let him come.

- Daryl!

- Sorry, can't talk. Got to run.

Will you just get in the car?

All right!

Now, boys, I swear if you give me

any grief over the next 60 minutes,

I swear to God I'll kill you.

Dead. Murdered. Stabbed.

- Raped?

- I am too old for this crap.

(CHUCKLING)

(SINGING)

It's 25 miles from home, girl

My feet are hurting mighty bad

BRAD:
Mike what?

CHRIS:
"Mike what," what?

DARYL:
What are we talking about?

- BRAD:
What's his last name?

- Todwell.

- Are you writing a book?

- Mike Todwell? Do you know him?

They go out.

He's got a red Camaro, right?

Oh, gee, Daryl.

Are you a gearhead and a sex fiend?

A lot of people have Camaros.

But do a lot of people have

the license plate "SO COOL"?

(BOYS LAUGHING)

That's Mike.

He's the guy who beat me up

for touching his car, which I didn't do.

- That was him?

- That was him.

- Mike wouldn't do that.

- Yes, he would.

- He would not.

- He did. He kicked my ass.

- Want to see the footprint?

- ALL:
No.

Look. That's where Thor lives.

- Thor?

- All the superheroes live in the city.

Spider-Man, Daredevil,

and Captain America.

But Thor's the best.

He fights the forces of darkness.

Forces of darkness, beware.

So the babysitter goes upstairs

and the sound keeps getting louder.

Scrape, scrape, scrape.

The babysitter stops at the kids' room.

She reaches for the doorknob.

Her hand is trembling,

her heart is beating fast.

Sweat pours down her face.

She opens the door... (GASPS)

And the kids are safely in their beds.

(SIGHS WITH RELIEF)

I'd like to be safely in her bed.

- What are you guys doing back there?

- Uh. Nothing. Nothing at all.

Nothing. Really.

That was my dad's, stupid.

You shouldn't have

brought it along, stupid. God!

- So what happens?

- Okay.

But when the babysitter looks more

closely at the kids, she sees that

- they don't have any faces!

- Oh, my God!

- It's just a pool of mushy goo.

- Like SpaghettiOs?

- SpaghettiOs with meat.

- Yuck!

The babysitter screams

and turns to run,

but there's this big, giant hairy guy

standing right in front of her.

He raises his right arm,

but there's a big metal hook

instead of a hand.

And the hook goes for her face.

- Scrape, scrape, scrape!

- (SCREAMING)

- Oh, no!

- All right!

- You got a flat. Pull over.

- This is great.

To the right, go to the right.

- Slowly. Take it easy.

- This is not funny.

BRAD:
Hold it steady.

- Go slow. Pull over.

- I'm pulling over.

This is great.

(SARA GIGGLING)

(LAUGHING)

(SIGHS)

Uh...

- Where's the spare?

- I don't know.

Maybe it's on the car.

You think?

Okay. We are going to flag somebody

down and we'll go buy a tire.

I've got my checkbook.

My purse.

Oh, sh*t. I forgot my purse.

I don't have any money.

- I don't have my license.

- Did you forget your purse?

Yes, you little a**hole.

- She's great.

- Wait, I got some money.

- Here.

- What, 50 cents?

You don't have any money.

You're a kid, for Christ's sake.

Yeah, she's right.

You're a kid, for Christ's sake.

- You don't have any money.

- Why don't you take a walk over there?

Everybody stay behind me.

(WHISTLING)

You kids having some trouble?

You got a spare?

- No.

- Sara!

(CHUCKLING)

You went on the expressway

without a spare?

- We're history.

- Ancient history.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Just relax. Stay calm. Don't panic.

- What do you want?

- Just want to help you.

Don't listen to him.

He just wants to scrape our faces off.

- What, are you scared of this?

- (ALL WHIMPER)

You kids must be from the suburbs.

I suddenly feel like a total idiot.

Just stay here, okay? I'll be right back.

Listen, I'm really sorry

for freaking out back there.

- I guess we just overreacted.

- That's okay. I'm used to it.

Listen, I appreciate this,

but we don't have any money.

I'm stuck babysitting

for these kids, and...

I'm not supposed to be taking them

into the city like this. I'm just not.

I'll tell you what. I'll tow you

to town, to Dawson's Garage,

and I'll buy you a tire. My treat, okay?

(LAUGHS) Okay?

Oh, no, that wouldn't be right.

What would be right? Leaving you kids

alone on the expressway?

No, I guess not.

- My name's Chris. Chris Parker.

- Pruitt. Handsome John Pruitt.

- Hey, mister?

- Yeah, Red. What?

How did you, you know, lose it?

- Lose what?

- Your hand.

- Was it in 'Nam?

- Nah, afraid not.

I was changing a tire on a big rig

and the jack gave out.

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