Adventures of a Taxi Driver

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1

My man's a taxi driver

My man's a taxi driver

I'd like to take a ride with you

Don't want to be tied to you

I promise I'll try my very best

to please you, darling

You know that fair's fair with me

There's things you can share with me

So take my tip

And we can skip formalities

Won't you be my cruising Casanova

Click your fingers

and I'll be over there

Smoothing your hair,

soothing your cares away

There's no refusing, Casanova

Stop the clock and working overtime

Cruising Casanova, be mine

My man's a taxi driver

Every major international city

has that most popular means of transport,

the taxi.

That unique brand of conveyance which

combines efficiency with individuality.

Perhaps, most popular

for the personal service it provides.

Enthusiastic, hard-working,

with never a moment's rest,

probably the taxi driver's

most lovable attribute is the warm welcome

he is always eager

to extend to foreign visitors.

The moment you hail a taxi,

you can be sure

of being greeted by a friendly smile,

a concern for your well-being,

and someone at the wheel always ready

to lend a helping hand.

There are, at present,

literally millions of taxis

operating throughout the world

on a 24-hour basis.

Ensuring that at any time,

day or night, within seconds

you can be speeding happily away

to the destination of your choice.

Renowned for their total lack of prejudice,

a taxi will stop for anybody

irrespective of colour, class or creed.

Adored by the public for their

whimsical charm and delightful disposition,

perhaps more than any other form

of public transport,

the taxi driver holds a unique place

in the hearts of the people.

Not least, his fellow road users

who appreciate to the full

that quiet, courteous patience,

that affable, friendly manner,

that consideration for his fellow motorists

with whom he is always ready to exchange

a friendly wave and some merry little quip.

But possibly more than anything else

to his credit,

the taxi driver bears the distinction

of being a driver of knowledge,

experience and efficiency,

reassuring all who drive with him

that the taxi is not only the

safest vehicle on the road,

but holds the proud record for being

involved in the least number of accidents.

Without a doubt, we, the public, owe much

to these gallant knights of the road,

of whom it can truly be said,

"Everything we feel for them,

they feel for us."

That'll be 75, guv. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Well, you try smiling

when you've been lumbered with

a miserable tight-fisted git like him,

after you've fought through

all the bleeding traffic

and had him moaning on at you,

like it was all your fault.

Sorry about that.

Been a bit of a bad day. Know what I mean?

By the way, my name's Joe.

Well, with a name like that, I had to

go in the cabbing business, didn't I?

Been at it a year or so now.

Have my own cab. Well, almost.

Soon as I've finished paying for it.

Yeah, it's not such a bad job really.

Hard work, but then

so is anything these days.

Not that I mind.

Got me health and strength.

Know what I mean?

Mind you, I'll be a lot happier

when I get my own place.

Trouble is, you see, I live at home.

You need a bit of peace and quiet

after doing this job.

And living at home? No

joke, I can tell you.

Oh, yeah, makes a great start to the day.

Oh, come on, Mum, I'm late as it is.

Well, it's your own fault.

Coming in here last

night, pissed as a newt,

crashing about all over the place

and waking me up.

Lay off, Ma, will you? Do us a favour.

You're getting more like your father

every day, you are.

And you're going to end up like him,

mark my words.

And where were you last night?

Out screwing some poor innocent

little girl, I suppose.

- Just like your father.

- Don't make me laugh.

You hardly knew him.

You only met him once.

Don't talk like that in front of the baby.

And woke her up and all, didn't he,

my dear little pet?

Have more consideration.

It was twice I met him. Twice.

Give me them.

Mummy will give you something nicer than that

to play with, there's a good little girl.

Are you going to sit staring at that

all day or are you going to eat it?

I don't feel like eating.

Look, just give me a cup of tea, will you?

I don't know why I bother, I really don't.

Food is wasted

just as though it cost nothing.

All right, all right. Something's burning.

Porridge, by the smell.

Oh, it's all right, just at the bottom.

The top's all right.

- I don't like porridge!

- Yes, you do. It's lovely.

It's horrid! Horrid! Horrid!

Shut up!

Oh! Now look what you've done.

You know it makes her cry.

All right, I give up. That's it.

Bloody hell. I'm late as it is.

- Where's my fares book?

- Oh, in the cupboard.

Oh, my God!

That little tyke's been thieving again,

ain't he?

Where is he? Peter! Come in here!

- Peter!

- And he's like his father and all.

Wind up in the same cell with him, I

shouldn't wonder, the way he's carrying on.

Peter!

How am I supposed to get to sleep

with all this racket?

Yeah? So? Where's the fire, then?

Over here. Come here.

Look, what have you got to say about

all this lot, then?

Good gear, innit?

I mean, it's not rubbish, is it?

You said you'd got a proper job.

Well, I have.

I mean, I'm doing it proper now, aren't I?

Been working very hard at it and all. I've

got a sharp little organisation together.

You're going to get us all into trouble.

Anyone could just walk in.

And all that lot lying there.

Not to mention 20 cartons of hairspray

I found hidden under my bed.

Fell off the back of a

lorry, didn't they, Mum?

You're going to end up in the nick

with 10 years ahead of you.

Peter's going in the nick,

Peter's going in the nick.

Why can't you get an honest job for once?

What? Like driving a cab? Leave off.

Anyway, that's no more than

bleeding highway robbery,

so what are you doing telling me

to go straight?

Oh, choice. I like that.

Just don't ask me to bail

you out, that's all.

It's your funeral.

What'd I tell you, eh?

It's always like that.

Makes it a pleasure going to work

of a morning.

I tell you what'd cheer me up,

be to pick up a nice bit of crumpet.

Very handy for introductions, this motor.

I ran about town like you

And had better things to do

Than spending the time

I'll see that it's worth your while

Oh, baby

I know you've been running free

I think you'd have fun with me

Forget the rest

I'd like to test your driving style

Won't you be my

Cruising Casanova

Click your fingers

and I'll be over there

Smoothing your hair

Soothing your cares away

There's no refusing, Casanova

Stop the clock and working overtime

Cruising Casanova, be mine

- Where to, darling?

- Lambeth Bridge, please.

Right you are, then.

Nice morning, isn't it?

You off to work, then?

Yeah, I thought so. I can usually tell.

Being in this job

you have to be a bit of a psychologist.

What do you do for a living, eh?

No, don't tell me.

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