Air Raid Wardens Page #3

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- To serve my country.

- Well, that's their idea, too.

You wouldn't deny

them that, would you?

Well...

They deserve another

chance, don't you think?

Oh, all right.

Fine. A good night's sleep will cool you off.

Good night, Mrs. Norton.

- Good night, Dan.

- Cool me off? Cool me off?

We're going over to the meeting

and get our equipment.

- Are you coming, Mr. Middling?

- I'll be over in a little while.

Okay.

- We're going to get helmets and everything?

- That's what he said.

- Gee. And gas masks?

- That's right.

- And "whist-les?"

- Of course, "whit-sells."

One helmet.

One new armband, one gas mask,

and one whistle.

Be sure to sign a receipt

for your equipment, men.

Come on, boys, boys.

Not an "X." Sign your name.

Take that thing off.

And get that whistle out of your mouth.

Now, go to sleep.

Take that off!

Now, will you go to sleep, please?

See who that is.

- Well, who was it?

- It was the telephone.

Teleph...?

Laurel and Hardy.

Bicycles, burglar alarms, locks and keys.

Biddle calling. Blue alert. Proceed to

your post. Stand by for the red.

We're on our way!

Good gracious.

Blue alert! Come on, get dressed.

We've got to get right on duty,

right away.

Oh, put that whistle down

and get dressed.

Red alert.

Red alert.

- Sound the all-clear.

- Yes, sir.

Not the whistle. Ring the bell.

Well, if it isn't the boys

from the bicycle shop.

And what are you looking for?

- Trouble, I hope.

- Oh, no, no. No trouble.

Will you please put your lights out, sir?

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- He was very nice, wasn't he?

- Yes, well, that's that.

If you don't stop ringing that bell...

...l'm gonna throw him in your face!

Nevertheless, sir, I must insist

that you turn your lights off.

And if not, would you mind

pulling down your shades?

Would you like

to pull them down for me?

Oh, I'd be glad to.

It'd be quite a pleasure, sir.

People across the street

are signaling to the Japs!

Right away.

No, give it...

Go on.

Not here.

We received a complaint.

Take a look under that cover.

A couple of mugs come in here

and tried to wreck the joint.

Smells like a gin mill.

Drunk.

All right, Peggy, you can send them in.

Wait a minute.

Those boys told you

they never took a drink in their whole lives.

And I'm not going to sit here

and watch you crucify them.

Just a moment, Miss Parker.

They've had their hearing...

...and the verdict is conclusive.

- Oh, but Dan, you can't throw them out.

I'm sorry, Peggy, but I have no choice.

Well, you'll have to do it without me.

They want you inside, boys.

Boys, l... I hate to do this...

...but I'll have to ask you

to turn in your equipment.

Now, Mr. Madison, surely you don't believe

we were drunk last night.

I'm sorry. The decision has been made.

It's for the good of the service.

You mean, they're better without us?

You men have caused

nothing but trouble.

First, you wrecked the gymnasium.

Then you wrecked me.

And now, drunk.

Well, you know best.

But when we...

We couldn't get in the Army or the Navy...

...Mr. Madison told us

that we could do this kind of work.

And it made us happy. We tried hard.

I guess we're not smart

like other people...

...but if we can do something

for our country...

...by not doing this work...

...we'll do that too.

We'll do anything

that Uncle Sam wants us to do.

Won't we, Ollie?

Thank you, boys, that's...

Take your equipment to Charlie Beaugart.

Two helmets.

Two gas masks.

Two armbands.

Two identification cards.

And two whistles.

That's all, boys.

May I have your attention, men.

I have an important announcement to make.

Tomorrow afternoon, Major Scanlon...

...of the United States

Office of Civilian Defense...

...will stop over in Huxton

to inspect our organization.

Therefore, in order to give him

a demonstration of our efficiency...

...we're going to stage

an incident drill for him.

Now, we'll include

all possible kinds of disasters.

Incendiary bombs, demolition bombs,

and gas bombs.

Which will naturally result in casualties,

fires, broken water mains, and so forth.

Just as in an actual wartime emergency.

Now, in addition...

...promptly at 5:00...

...Major Scanlon will give us

a surprise incident.

Now, none of us will know

what this incident is...

...except the one man

who will assist the major.

How about you, Mr. Norton?

- Will you take that assignment?

- With pleasure, Madison.

Okay, Mr. Norton,

5:
00 tomorrow afternoon.

And remember, until then,

not a word to anybody.

Now, this is our chance, men.

Are we going to make good?

Yes, sir!

- Ollie.

- What, Stanley?

Let's go to the park and feed the birds.

Better than sitting in this alley.

I don't feel like seeing

any birds today. Do you?

Would you like me

to read you the funnies?

Maybe that would make you feel better.

I'll go get them.

Ollie, burglars.

- I don't want any.

- Don't want?

Burglars?

Stanley, I think they are spies.

Maybe we better tell Dan Madison.

We'll tell him about...

No one would believe us.

We better make sure.

We'll follow them, come on.

- Got a cigarette?

- No, we better get some.

Let's hide in the back of their car.

- Hello, major. Dan.

- Hello.

Mr. and Mrs. Norton, Major Scanlon.

- Major Scanlon.

- How do you do?

- Glad to meet you, sir. Welcome to Huxton.

- Thank you, sir.

I'll be back in time

to take you to the control center.

- Thanks, I'll be ready.

- All right. Goodbye.

- Goodbye, Dan.

- Dan?

Now, Mr. Norton,

I'd like you to check this incident...

...from the viewpoint of your local facilities.

Oh, well, you see, l...

I worked out a little incident of my own.

I thought at least

you might like to consider it.

J.P.'s been working on it all day.

All right. Where is it?

Mr. Norton's like a little boy.

Lets his imagination run away with him.

Well, I'll leave you men

to your military secrets.

Why, this is fine, Mr. Norton.

Just as good as mine.

Needs a few corrections, but we'll use it.

This is a job for the detectives.

Maybe we should turn it over to the FHA.

Yeah.

This must be the "hide in."

Hideout. Come on.

If we can get through that window,

we can find out what they're up to.

Hey.

No, I don't...

Don't.

What was that? I heard a noise.

Shutter slammed, I guess.

Gesundheit.

I didn't sneeze.

- Well, somebody did.

- Gentlemen.

You all know Herr Mittlehause.

"Mittlehause"?

- Why, that's Middling. He's a spy.

- For two months we've been trying...

...to work out a plan

to destroy the new magnesium plant.

And, gentlemen,

our two months have not been in vain.

Herr Mittlehause has given me

the information that makes it all possible.

Listen carefully,

at 5:
00 this afternoon...

...or in exactly 43 minutes...

...the civilian defenders of Huxton

will take part in a practice war incident.

And while they are doing that,

we will give them a real incident.

- We will blow the magnesium plant to bits.

- The moment is made to order for us.

Sunday,

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