Airheads Page #4

Yeah.

Rex.

Bastard.

You called on the phone,

but we're not at home.

Leave a message for Chazz. We'll

call you back soon, so don't have a spaz.

Come on, come on.

Stay back now. Back there.

Hold it. Hold it.

I want you to control this crowd.

If they give you any trouble,

cuff 'em and throw 'em in the squad car.

Technically I can't do that, Sergeant.

The Civilian Review...

I know what the Civilian Review Committee

says, but they're not doing crowd control.

Listen, when you're in the line of fire...

...you do what's necessary

to get the job done.

You don't break the law

but occasionally you...

...bend it. When that

time comes, improvise.

Yes, sir.

Cover me.

Get your hands up over your head.

Get down on the pavement. Get down.

What the f...

- Sergeant.

What?

You men, back off. Get back,

goddammit. Put those guns down.

It's OK. You can get up when...

Goddammit, get back.

What the hell is this?

You invited me to come out.

You surprised us. I'm Sergeant O'Malley.

I'm here to work with you.

What's your name?

- My rhythm section's watching me.

Nobody's gonna hurt you. Everybody OK?

They're all fine. My name's Chazz.

- Great. It's good to meet you, Chazz.

Tell me what I can do to get you to end this.

You gotta find my tape.

- Sure. OK. What kind of tape is it?

It's a demo tape. We

wanna play it on the air.

You wanna play this tape on the radio,

then you'll come out?

Right. The machine inside ate the original.

My girlfriend's got the only other copy.

Give me her number. I'll call her.

- I already tried that. She's off for the night.

You're gonna have to find her.

- Where is she?

I don't know. Try the Strip somewhere.

Maybe The Whisky.

She's...

She's totally pissed at me, but...

Is that her? She's a... real looker.

Yeah.

Why don't black people like me?

Excuse me?

- It's just that I listen to a lot of rap music...

...and I know how angry black people are.

And I feel bad for all you guys

gotta put up with.

Well, that's very nice of you.

How about when you go into a store

and all the clerks start starin' at you...

...like you're gonna rob the place and

you're like 'I just wanna buy something'?

That's never happened.

Does that happen to you?

Ah, no, but I'm just saying

that would be bad if it did.

Look at Chazz doing his thing.

Listen, Chazz...

...this is gonna take some time, OK?

You have to send out one of the hostages

just as a sign of good faith. That's my rules.

All right, fine. You have

your orders, Chief. Now get cracking.

It's more like power slop but with an edge.

OK. The cops are going to get Kayla.

I cut a deal with them.

We've gotta send one person out.

Please.

I'll go.

A hostage, doof.

- Sorry.

But not me, man. It's just too cool.

Why don't we let Yvonne go, man?

She's very nice.

Wait a minute. I don't see why you

automatically have to choose a woman.

Well, it's kind of sexist, don't you think?

I mean, we could draw straws.

We could...

- OK.

Yvonne, go. You'll be home

in time for The Simpsons.

Stay strong, sister.

Congratulations.

Hey, butterball, I think you're exceeding

the maximum weight limit for that belt.

Wilson, get over here.

I'm sending out a sweep of Sunset Strip for

the girlfriend. I want you there to supervise.

Whoa.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Argh.

Whoa, look, we got fans.

- I didn't know that many people knew us.

Hey, hold this. Thanks.

Hey.

I'm gonna miss Yvonne.

- Let me tell you something.

Don't chitchat with them.

They're not buddies. They're hostages.

I was trying to be nice.

I know, but then every time you tell

somebody to get on the floor...

...they're gonna be like 'Even me, Pip?

I thought we had something going.'

You gotta scare these people.

Practice. Just try it.

I just feel a little goofy trying

to be a badass with a water pistol.

They don't know that. They think it's real.

Now show me what you got. Come on.

OK. Get over there, please. Thank you.

What are you, a crack baby?

Give me that. I'll show you.

All right.

Hey, you. You shut your mouth,

you bastard...

...or I'll stab your eyeballs out

and piss all over your brain.

It's gonna be a slaughterhouse, with bodies

flying through the air like dolls on fire.

Oh, my God.

OK?

- OK, all right. Thank you.

All right, against the wall.

- Come on, tough, tough.

Seriously, move it.

- I'm not scared, Pip. Come on.

I'm gonna stab your heads off.

- With what? With what?

With my dick.

- Yeah.

Yeah. Blood's gonna come

out of your head...

...and there's nothing you can do

about it cos I'm a madman.

That's good.

- It kinda hurt my throat.

Come on, come on, move, move.

Sh*t. Here comes the cavalry.

So she boots me out of my own house

and now I'm at the motor lodge.

12 years of marriage and devotion

down the tubes.

Hello, O'Malley.

- They called you too soon. It's solved itself.

Good, cos I'm taking over the interior

perimeter. You and your boys can fall back.

Like hell you are. Didn't you hear?

We don't have a situation.

Well, what do you call

an office full of hostages?

Mace, I'm in the middle of negotiations...

...and until I decide there are no options,

you don't use force.

Well, OK, O'Malley.

It's your show.

Hello?

- Hello.

May I help you, sir?

- Hello.

Please could you put me

through to someone...

...on the scene. I don't have much time.

Oh, Christ.

Looks like you got your hands full,

Mr. Hostage Negotiator.

Let's go.

I want those media people back.

Come on. Move it. Get it back.

Dispatch has another call from inside.

- Swell.

Listen, you sick sack of swill,

if you hurt one single...

I don't have much time.

- What? Who is this?

Doug Beech. I work at the radio station.

Speak up, Beech. Are they molesting you?

- No, I'm hiding in the air-cooling system.

They don't know that I'm here.

I want you to do something

but I can't let you put yourself at risk.

What?

- You got any kind of training?

I was in the merchant marines.

- Yeah, I copy that.

Get them away from the van.

- I was an accountant.

Nah, you won't be held accountable.

Listen, I want you to be my man inside.

This is what I want you to do, Beech.

I want you to check in with me periodically.

I want you to talk to me directly

and me only. I have a number for you.

Check it out. Come on in.

I'm gonna clip us some Cs, dude.

- Sweet.

We've got these guys by the short curlies.

We could demand free stuff from the cops.

What am I talking about? There's

probably cool stuff here. Play track two.

As long as we're here

let's hear decent jams.

Oh, yeah. This is the real Rebel Radio.

The voice of the resistance:

this is Chazz speaking. Yo.

Sh*t, man, you guys oughta to have fun.

You can't cuss on the air.

Hey, look at all the stuff we found.

There's $5,000 worth of backstage passes.

You guys scored.

- Can I bogart one of these?

You've gotta see this. We've got CDs,

we've got T-shirts, we've got...

Oh, what have we here?

Those sound like concert tickets to me.

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