Airheads Page #3

Jimmie, they're talking about you on KPPX.

Come here.

Then you realize there's a million

of these Jimmie Wing bone-smugglers.

These guys are running the industry...

...and they don't know

a damn thing about rock 'n' roll.

OK.

Hello. Police.

I'll tell you what, Mr. Program-Director

Man, you put our goddamn tape on the air.

It's gonna get some airplay or

my man's gonna gank you here and now.

Sh*t, yeah.

- Well, let's not go ganking anyone.

Um, if we play the tape, will you go?

- That's all we need, d-cheese.

Play the thing, Milo. Do what he says.

Play it. What are you waiting for?

Sorry about all this. Enjoy.

- I can't wait.

We can't play this tape.

We're only set up for CDs and cassettes.

We should've brought a cassette.

A cassette makes my background vocal

sound like someone's stepping on my nuts.

God. Mr. Perfectionist.

Quit necking. All we got was a quarter-inch.

There's gotta be a reel-to-reel.

Find it. It's a radio station.

Yeah. That's it there.

Milo, didn't I tell you

to knock when you come in?

Just keep quiet and get that

reel-to-reel deck down to the booth.

Telling me to shut up now? A brother can't

talk without the white man slap him down.

Just do it, Marcus.

Damn.

White man with a gun. Same sh*t been

happenin' to my people for 425-odd years.

Hey, you like working here, man?

We're down, man. Hendrix was God.

You wanna take a step back?

You're standing on my dick, man.

Yeah, I seen that. Anthrax and Public

Enemy, that was outta control, man.

Together, you know.

You catch that one, G?

Don't call me G.

What do you want me to call you?

- Hey, come on.

All right, that's it.

I can't wait for you to put that gun down,

cos when you do we're gonna throw down.

That's right. We're gonna get serious.

Mano a swine.

Hey, look, just shut

your pie hole and keep working.

Pie hole? That supposed

to be some Cracker slang?

Come on, let's go.

Agh.

Ooh. Ooh.

You can't smoke here, babe.

Yeah? What am I doin' now?

You should put it out.

The smoke could damage the equipment.

Are you ready?

- Almost.

OK, give us a real nice intro.

And don't say anything about us

having a gun to your head.

OK, who are you guys?

- My name's Pip.

The band. The band name.

- Sorry about that.

He doesn't wear a helmet, does he?

- It's right there on the box. Read it.

'The Lone Rangers.' That's original.

How can you pluralize 'The Lone Ranger'?

- What's wrong with that?

Well, there's three of you.

You're not exactly lone.

Shouldn't you be The Three Rangers?

I've no idea what you're saying right now.

You lost me.

- Forget it, Ian. Just play the thing.

Yeah, forget it. Come on, just play it.

Listen up, guppies, Ian the Shark is back

and have I got a surprise for you.

I've got goose bumps, frankly.

For the first time ever, I'm willing to bet...

...here's that hit single

by The Lone Rangers.

Turn it off. Come on, man.

- What did you do? What you doing?

Tonto must have loaded the tape in wrong.

- Hey, your machine dilapitatled it, man.

Hey.

Oh, what?. Hey. Oh.

Hey, that's my jacket.

- Put it out.

Please.

Oh, man. The demo's wasted.

- What are we gonna do now?

Run.

It's the inbreeding.

Go. Go. Go.

Man.

- How'd they know we were here?

I don't know. I don't know.

OK. Look, maybe they're just on patrol.

All right, we didn't do nothing, right?

What?

- You go.

You guys suck.

Everything's all right. It's cool.

Let me in. Let me in.

I don't wanna go to jail. I'm fragile.

Go.

Argh.

Sh*t. We're surrounded.

Why don't we give ourselves up?

We could say we were joking around.

They'll cart us off

before you can say 'Rudolph Redpecker'.

Well, you didn't have to break out the gun.

- They wouldn't play the tape.

You didn't have to do that.

- Shut up.

You shut up.

- Both of you shut up.

If we go outside, we get roped.

We stay and figure it out.

Excuse me?

Oh, jeez.

- More people. OK.

We round everyone up,

put 'em in the station...

...and nobody leaves

until we figure this out.

What was she on the Clydesdale scale?

Yeah, that's where you

gotta figure how many

Clydesdales it'd take to

tear her off your face.

Later. Let's go.

I knew from looking at him

that he was a bomb about to go off.

A big fat media bomb.

They're gonna be all over the news now.

Time magazine, Larry King Live.

If the song's in English, it's a gold record.

Come on, come on, let's go.

Hi again.

Hi.

Hey, hey, you guys think

you're gonna waste anybody?

Cos if you are, pop Milo first.

That guy's a bozo de luxe.

Uh-huh? Go.

Perhaps it won't be long

until this thing blows over.

Argh.

Argh.

All right, everybody on the floor right now.

Do you mind if I sit in a chair?

I don't wanna get all cruddy.

Uh, yeah.

- Thank you.

If she doesn't sit on the floor,

I don't know why I have to.

You heard the man.

Hit the deck or I smoke you.

Sit down on the floor now. Everybody else

gets to sit in a chair except for you.

Are we... are we still on the air?

Have you made contact?

No. One guy came out, but he went back in.

Have Dispatch give us their number.

Let's call them.

You getting this, Wilson?

Establish contact, ensure

it's no false alarm.

I know the procedure.

Could I get something to eat, man?

- You hungry, buddy?

Hey, Chazz. Chazz.

What?

Why is everyone staring at me?

- That guy says he's hungry.

Who gives a sh*t?.

I'm trying to think here, OK?

KPPX, where the action never stops.

Oh, hi.

Well, there's three psychotic musicians

with guns. How would you feel?

I have no idea.

The leader? Hold on.

It's the police.

They wanna talk to you.

He doesn't wanna talk.

What am I supposed to do, beg him?

What are you doing to get us out of here?

OK, fine.

He wants you to go out and talk to him.

Bag that. What for?

He wants to know your demands

for releasing the hostages.

Oh, my God.

- Demands? What's he mean by 'hostages'?

I've got a reality check for you, curly.

What you're doing is

a felony, maybe worse.

What are your demands?

- Nothing. I just don't wanna go outside.

OK. Come here, come here.

What do we need?

A hockey stick up the backside of his head.

I'm warning you. Don't bring Chazz down.

Thank you, Rex.

All right. Now, what do we want?

Uh, Chazz?

I like your hair.

What's that?

- My name's Suzzi, with two z's.

Oh, hi.

- Hi.

So you, like, answer the phones

and all that stuff?

Mm-hm. Yeah, for, like, six hours a day.

Oh, what a drag, huh?

I understand you're trying to make

a statement, but this is getting out of hand.

Hey, come on, you know where

I'm coming from. Be a sport, will ya?

All right, but can we move this along?

Now, why did you come here?

I came here for a lousy three minutes

and 31 seconds of airplay. That's it.

Fine. Now there's cops outside with guns,

and you're holding people hostage, right?

Uh, yeah.

- On top of that, your tape is destroyed.

So, there's only one thing that you can do.

Get the other copy of the demo.

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