Airheads Page #8

Well, Chazz, my man...

...it's not just the music, it's the way

you talk about it. You have such passion.

Whoa, whoa. What am I hearing?

- What's wrong, man?

No deal. No.

What are you talking about?

No deal. Yesterday he kicks me

out of Palatine Records...

...and today he has a record

contract for me to...

...sign. He hasn't even

heard my tape. No deal.

But this is what you wanted.

Wanna know what I think of your contract?

Allow me to demonstrate.

He wipes his ass with his record contract.

I love this guy.

- But we still have a deal, right?

I wanna be a rock star someday

but on my own terms.

Well, I got some news for you, big guy.

You already are a star.

You can't buy this kind of media exposure.

We are sitting on a gold mine here.

I am offering a long-term

contract to get your...

...music out to millions,

plus a whole lot more.

Like what 'a whole lot more'?

Ever since you signed this contract you've...

...been under the umbrella

of Palatine Records.

We have an army of attorneys

looking out for all our investments.

Chazz...

...rock stars don't go to jail. Christ.

Vince Neil only got 30 days

and he killed somebody.

Hey, buddy, you swear you can get us off?

I swear, if you guys play ball.

That's what I'm here for.

Chazz, let's just play the tape on air.

They'll throw deals at us.

Can't do that, man. Console's busted.

It's this or nothing.

OK. Super-duper.

We're making records.

What about the song?

How we gonna play...

Ah.

I'm already ahead of you.

Officer O'Malley. Jimmie Wing.

What are you doing sending me in

with these animals? They're out of control.

Yes. Yes.

They have some more demands.

We're gonna soon witness the culmination

of this extraordinary rock 'n' roll drama:

a live performance by The Lone Rangers.

Wait a minute. That can't be right.

You can't pluralize 'Lone Ranger'.

Get the guy who did the

Guns N' Roses video.

Try for John Landis.

- Landis is huge.

This is great.

This is a major media

event. We have lights,

crowds... We are gonna bury Lollapalooza.

I said no.

Look at the boots they

gave me. Excuse me.

How is this? I feel kinda goofy.

- You look like an idiot.

Remember, this only works if you still

have the hostages. OK, Kayla? Guns up.

Hey, what about me?

Oh, yeah.

I love you, Chazz.

This is a soggy dream come true.

This is rockin'. Yeah.

All right.

- Whoo.

Let's give it to 'em.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, man.

What?. It's not turned on.

- They ain't givin' us no juice.

The amps are props. We'll play your tape...

...through the PA system

and you pantomime.

What, are you yankin' me?

- If you don't do it this way...

...we won't be able to sync it up in post.

OK, Rex, lift up the gun so they can see it.

I ain't lip-syncing, man.

- It's a video. People always lip-sync.

Oh, come on, this is bullshit.

That's all we are to you, some freak show?

For all you care our album

could be Pip farting on a snare drum.

Guys.

- I ain't fartin' on no snare drum.

If you guys don't do it, we don't have a deal.

Me, and the lawyers from Palatine Records,

we walk. Now do you get that?

All right. Come here.

Come here. We can't do that.

Don't make us be lame.

OK. Roll tape.

Listen, dirthead,

shut your mouth and do what you're told.

What are you doing? We're filming.

Play, you little maggot.

Jimmie, get out of there.

You're ruining my shot.

Listen, I own you. I own you.

Oh, yeah. You can't see nothin'

from back there, you filthy scumbags.

Come on down.

Come on. Let's go.

Holy sh*t.

Back it up.

- Just get outta the way. Let 'em go.

It's total anarchy.

Whoo.

- Check it out, man. They dig our song.

All right. Rock 'n' roll.

What are you doin', man?

We start touring in six months.

Well, three months

if they behave themselves.

Ow.

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