Airheads Page #7

It's Chester.

And I understand if

you don't love me any more.

I play D&D, too.

I was editor of the school magazine.

Yeah.

I used to wear corduroy pants.

I used to masturbate... constantly.

We're with you, Chazz.

- I want your body.

Hey, Chazz. Chazz.

Whoo.

OK, this is my girlfriend Kayla.

She brought the tape.

About time.

- What's happening?

We're going on the air, Pip.

We're going live.

Oh, whoa. What happened to this?

It fell off the nightstand.

What did you do to my tape?

Can we even play this?

Maybe if I clean it up and re-spool it. Christ.

I came all the way down

here just to bring it.

And you took real good care of it, Yoko.

OK, everybody, shut up.

Chazz, I have been with you...

almost as long as these two a**holes.

I think it's about time

they treated me with a little respect.

This thing smells like piss, man.

Kayla, I don't have time for this noise. Did

you come to b*tch at Rex or to help us out?

Cos you're being a complete...

I can't believe this, after

all I've done for you.

And then you chew me out

in front of your friends.

You're acting like a spaz.

- Well, what about you?

You go and pull this moron stunt.

If you would just think for one second

instead of trying to be little glory boy.

Is that so, huh?

- Yeah, that's so, Chester.

You're outta here.

What?

- Get outta here. Get lost, all right?

I got a million things to think about,

I don't need you, too.

I'm a part of this. You wrote

that song for me. That's my song.

I wrote that song before I even met you.

You'd better go about your business.

Go about your business.

Nobody look at me.

My Christ. What are you doing?

- You don't even care.

You don't even care what happens to me.

What have I got? My guitar, my bike

and my woman. That's all I got in the world.

And you keep kicking me out.

It's making me insane.

I figure if I get a record contract, I can

make it up to you. I'm doing this for you.

I suppose now you're

gonna say you love me.

Come on. I'm holding a gun to a guy's head

just so the whole world can hear your song.

Is that love or what?

Tell me.

What do you want from me?

- Tell me.

All right.

I love you.

- Oh, my God.

What else can I say?

Oh, God.

Oh. Dammit.

Well, that fried out most of the board.

Great.

- Sh*t.

Goddamn.

Hey, guys, bring in the stuff.

Yeah.

I can't believe

they actually found all this crap.

I don't know. Maybe we didn't

make the demands weird enough, huh?

Man, these are my people.

Hey, hey, we're partyin' in here. Whoo.

We got all kinds of beer.

Am I rockin' or what?

Sh*t.

Die, dog.

It's a plastic gun.

Oh, my eyes.

It's a plastic gun.

A plastic gun?.

Did you hear that?

It's a plastic gun. We're moving in.

Everybody get back to the booth.

Hold it.

Don't anybody move.

Now back up against the wall

and put your hands above your heads.

It's a real gun.

- Fall back behind the barriers.

God help us all.

It's all right, Chazz.

Stay calm. We're pulling back.

Body count. Body count.

Everybody get back to the booth.

Get back. Hurry up.

Move it, move it, move it.

- Cockroach.

Argh.

Hello.

- Yes, hello. Put the pig on.

Chazz, is everybody OK?

- What the hell was that bullshit?

I'm gonna grease somebody

in here, I swear.

Chazz, don't do anything crazy.

What was all that firing?

- You tell me. You've got guys in the ceiling.

Calm down. We don't have anybody

trying to break in. I wouldn't do that.

OK, if this bullshit happens again,

I'm gonna start blasting.

You have my word.

How long before you play your tape?

Uh, how long?

Uh, we're workin' on it.

I don't know, pretty soon.

I'll have a record

executive for you here soon.

Now, you know my rules. How about...

...sending out another

hostage just as a sign...

That guy in the ceiling, what was that?

- He says he doesn't know.

Man, back there, that was huge. Thanks.

- Rock 'n' roll.

Whoo. OK, who's got a Tic Tac?

Hello there, boys.

Hi, Chazz. Jimmie Wing. Remember me?

I wanted to get in touch with you,

but you didn't leave

me your phone number.

Yeah. Well, I figured you'd come around.

This is the chimp from Palatine?

I told you, man. We scored.

Hi there. Jimmie Wing.

- Hi. How are you?

Bea Arthur. Outstanding.

Can you believe it? A record exec came

all the way down here to meet you guys.

You have to be careful.

- Jimmie.

Entertainment executives

make their living screwing people.

Got a proposition for you.

- Oh, sh*t.

I know you think I'm a

dick... cheese... burger,

or whatever, but you need a negotiator.

I will offer my services for 10%

of the pretax gross. That's standard.

Shine on that, Chazz. It ain't worth it.

Think about it.

These things can be very tricky.

He's right. My ex-boyfriend Parker was

a model, and one time they stole his shoes.

He hasn't even heard the demo yet.

- Well, if he likes it, I'd like to help.

What do you think, Ian?

No, he's right. But make that 5%, Milo,

you scum-sucking weasel.

OK, done.

Untie me.

- You're doing so good, babe.

Now what?

Hey, Rex. Rex, it's me. Rex.

That surfer guy wants to come back inside.

- What? Will you tell that guy to piss off?

Guys. Guys.

Hey, no dice, man. Get outta here.

- Oh, come on, Rex.

I won't try anything.

- You shouldn't have escaped then.

Come on, bro. I was havin' a blast.

Come on, Rex. Rex.

I wanna get a drum set

that goes underwater...

...so in the middle of our show they can

dunk me in a tank and I can do my solo.

Cool.

I'm gonna get a leather jumpsuit

with the crotch cut out.

Rex, can you set up the sound system

so Jimmie Wing can hear the tape?

I'm just... I gotta...

- Yeah, go ahead.

Hey, Rex, man. We're gonna go to jail, huh?

Small price to pay to be a legend.

Remember when Ozzy

pissed on the Alamo...

...and was banned

from San Antonio for a decade?

Did his time, went back, rocked the place.

Section G, the force majeure, where it says

'riots, disturbance, war, acts of God', etc.

What about it?

- Amend that to exclude this hostage crisis.

That can be construed as

an act of public enemy.

Done.

- Where's the tape deck?

Oh, why? We need that, too?

Let me see your arm.

- Why?

Ow.

- Get it, retard.

The board's fried. I can't fix it.

- Oh.

No, Ian. Come on, man, you gotta help me.

- There's nothing more that I can do.

This is it, babe.

- All set, Chazz.

Here we go, my man.

- This is so exciting.

Oh, my God. Here it is.

- All right.

Record contract?

- Uh-huh.

We got a record contract.

Everything's square. Just autograph it...

...on the last page and

you got yourself a deal.

Hah. We got a contract.

We got a contract.

We made it, babe. We made it.

Stop.

- Hey, man, what are you doing?

Hey, bro, we got signed.

Are you crapping me?

- Didn't you play the song for him?

No. We didn't hook this thing up yet.

So you two haven't heard the demo?

- I heard it on the radio earlier.

You heard it for about five seconds

and then it got ate.

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