Albert Page #3

Oh!

[music stops]

[sighs]

Oh. Next!

["Deck the Halls" plays]

[boing]

Next!

[rapid notes]

[gagging, choking]

- Next!

["O Christmas Tree" on organ]

- Ho...ho...ho.

[music winds down]

ALL:
We miss Albert.

[sobbing]

[eerie music]

[wood creaking]

[wind howling]

- Whoa! I didn't know

trees grew so tall!

Hello?

Hello!

Does anybody know how to

get to Baker's Hill?

Anybody?

Maybe they're too tall

to hear.

- Maybe you're too short

to be heard.

[snow crunches]

- A bunny! Aw!

- I don't like the way

she's lookin' at me.

- Gene, only you could be

paranoid about a bunny.

- Yeah. She's such

a honey bunny!

[giggling]

The cutest wittle fuzzy

muffin the world!

[chomp]

- Aah!

Hey, stop!

[growling]

[eerie "Psycho"-like notes]

Ouch!

[growls]

You wanna piece of me?

[snarling]

- He already got

a piece a' you.

It's the piece a' me

I'm worried about.

- What's his problem?

[snarls]

- Aah!

[ominous chords]

- Another one?

How many are there?

- You don't wanna know.

[dramatic musical sting]

[overlapping whimpers, cries]

[rabbits growling]

- Hop!

Hop, hop, hop!

- Ah...I'm getting

sleigh sick!

[]

BOTH:
Uh-oh.

Aah!

Whew!

- Ah-choo!

[overlapping yelling]

[dramatic music]

[rabbits snarling]

- Oh, this is how it ends.

[intense musical buildup]

[ice squeaking]

Ha ha ha! Yes!

Vegetables--one.

Bunnies--nothing.

[ice squeaking]

[helicopter blades thrumming]

[uplifting music]

[]

[both panting]

- Baker's Hill!

We made it!

- Well, tweeze my roots!

- Whoo-hoo!

[laughing]

How do ya feel now,

Mr. Grumpy Pants?

You're sharing a pot

with the next

Empire City Christmas Tree!

[crack, clatter]

- Oh, my last one!

I can't go out there

without my ornaments!

- Oh, don't worry.

We're gonna get ya

all holly jolly.

Aren't you gonna help?

- Why bother?

- Gene, this is my chance

to be a real Christmas tree.

- Albert, you don't need

any of that shiny,

twinkly stuff

to be a Christmas tree.

You shared your pot with me

when no one else would.

You treated me like a friend

and not some filthy weed.

If that's not what Christmas

is all about,

then I don't know what is!

- Thanks, guys.

- If anyone says

you're not Christmassy enough,

send them to me.

- Break a branch!

And not literally!

Just an expression!

[inspiring music]

- Trunk in.

Branches out.

Be...the tree!

[whimsical music]

[]

- Oh! This is it!

We found our tree, everyone!

[]

[music goes off-key, stops]

- Christmas tree!

Over here, please!

Christmas tree!

Please!

I'm the one.

I'm...the one.

- It's a Christmas miracle,

everyone.

We have found the glorious

Empire City Tree!

[soft music]

[]

[wind howls]

- You'll be the Empire

City Tree next year, Albert.

You'll see.

[trees laughing]

- The runt wants to be

the Empire City Tree!

[laughter]

- That's precious!

I mean, right?

I mean,

tell me, am I'm wrong?

- Hear that, Betty?

Shrimpo wants your job.

- Ha ha ha ha ho!

Look at you!

Oh, I've got pine cones

bigger than you,

little sprout.

- I'm not a sprout.

I'm just short.

[soft music]

[]

Leave me alone!

[]

- Albert!

Ah-choo!

Albert!

Ah-choo!

Albert?

Oh, there you are.

- All my life, I dreamed

about being a Christmas tree.

- Forget those jerkweeds.

They don't know their butts

from their branches.

- Come on, let's go home.

- No way.

Everyone at the nursery

is just gonna laugh at me.

- Ah ha ha!

What's funny is that you

actually had me fooled.

I really thought

you were the famous tree!

But hey,

I gotta thank ya, Al.

Because of you, I found

the real Empire City Tree.

O, Christmas Tree

O, Christmas Tree

Your flames

will shine so

[laughing]

Brightly

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

- Noooo!

[laughing]

- He's gonna destroy

the Empire City Tree.

And it's all my fault.

- Don't blame yerself, Albert.

It's her fault too.

- Yeah! Feel better now?

- No...no.

How did Pete

survive the Mill?

- He's unstoppable.

[throttle up humming]

- No, he's not.

- Whoo-hoo!

Ah, yeah!

[epic music]

[funky upbeat music]

[]

[cars whooshing]

[horns honking]

- Yikes!

Where are we?

- Leave it to me.

- Ah-choo!

[shivering]

- Are you all right?

- Why wouldn't I be?

[splat]

[weed humming "Deck the Halls"]

- Watch this.

Yo, buddy, can you help out

a fellow weed?

- A weed in need?

- Yes, indeed.

We gotta get to

Empire City Square!

- Hey, SCUZZ!

We got a weed in need here!

- Harry! Let's get these newbies

to the square ASAP!

- Yo, take it down a notch.

- See, everyone else

treats weeds like dirt.

So we help each other.

- It's the weed creed.

- How can you grow

in a crack?

- Hey, babe, it's just a crack.

But it's my crack, all right?

- It's a crack.

- Hey, we got your route!

[energetic rhythm]

- This way.

Let's go!

[]

[whistles]

Right here!

- Ah!

Ooh!

Ugh!

Now!

[funky upbeat music continues]

[]

[whack]

[yipping]

["Joy to the World" plays]

[gasps]

- We're here in Empire City

for the lighting of the world's

most famous Christmas tree.

Professor Horton,

what can you tell us about

this year's tree?

- Oh, that trunk!

Those branches!

- Is that Albert?

- Yeah, if he's been scarfing

a buttload of fertilizer.

- You mean,

they didn't pick him?

Well, I would have picked him!

What's wrong with them?

He was perfect!

- Hey, down in front!

- Cactus Pete!

[dark notes]

[shivering]

- Save...the...

ah...ah...

ah-choo!

- Maisie? Maisie!

[echoing]

Albert?!

- Maisie!

You're freezing.

- We gotta warm her up.

[light music]

[]

- I know you.

You're from Grandma's nursery.

A tree like you shouldn't

be out in the cold.

Dad! Dad! The palm tree

from Grandma's store.

You gotta see this!

Someone's pulling

a fast one.

[suspenseful music]

[]

[pot thunking along ground]

- Well, if it isn't

my old pal Al,

the little tree that couldn't.

[laughs]

Look at yourself!

[groans]

I may never be

a Christmas tree,

but I am not letting you

ruin Christmas.

- Oh ho ho ho!

Sassy words, amigo.

Oh, sometimes I'm so bad.

Now if you'll excuse me,

it's time to get

a little festive.

I call it "The Empire City

Christmas Tree Lighting...

with extra picante."

[tense music]

- Uhh!

Mm...uhh!

[buzzing]

Mmm...

[intense musical buildup]

[groans]

[crack]

- No!

[crash, shatter]

- Albert!

[ominous chords]

["Deck the Halls" plays]

I...

I saved the tree.

- Not yet.

Look, a falling star.

- Aah!

[crowd gasps]

[crowd commotion]

[dramatic musical sting]

[ominous music]

[crowd murmuring]

[winch squeaks]

- Ohh...

- Ho...ho...ha!

[]

- I'm--I'm--I'm bald!

[crowd murmurs]

[sniffs]

My dad always says

it's okay to be small

as long as it doesn't stop

you from doing big things.

[soft music]

[]

[uplifting music]

[grunts]

Uhh!

[]

- Folks, the Christmas star

has sliced off the top

of this beautiful tree.

Sliced it like a knife through

a holiday cheese log.

- You don't have to be

a scientist to know

that a Christmas tree

without a star is...

[sniffs]

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