Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day Page #2

going to ask America...

"Who is ready to jump on the potty?"

And I'm confident our sales are going

to leap over expectations.

I know I would have

appreciated this book

when I was potty-training my kids!

That's Alexander, my son.

Thank you, guys!

Thank you for all

your support with this.

Oh, man.

I hope that was

thorough enough for you, Nina.

Well, I'm going to need you to make

an incredible effort

on "the Potty" tomorrow.

On "the Potty."

- What?

- You can count on me.

Good. Because if this goes well,

I'm going to make you VP.

Really?

Have you run

Children's Lit and Young Adult.

Thank you!

Thank you.

I'm going to need you

every second of every

minute of every day.

- Got it.

- 24/7, 365.

That's a lot of numbers.

Is that a joke?

I have four kids that I'll just have

to carve out a little time to see.

Right, right, of course.

Of course you will.

Isn't that one of your darling

little babies right there?

Yeah, it is.

So you're seeing him right now.

All right, country reports.

As you all know,

this is your big project this semester.

- So, what I think...

- Mr. Rogue?

Yeah, Alexander.

I would like to take Australia.

I know a ton about it.

And I have my own didgeridoo.

Yeah, I'm sure there a lot of students

here who want Australia. Am I right?

So to be fair, this semester...

I'm going to let the globe

decide what country.

We'll start with you, Alexander.

You ready? Here we go.

Australia. Australia. Australia.

What will it be?

Djibouti.

Look at that, the Horn of Africa!

All right, Djibouti!

Dji... what?

Who's gonna be next here?

Philip Parker. Here we go.

Australia.

So, like,

Arnold Schwarzenegger and stuff?

That's Austria, not Australia.

- Can we switch?

- No.

Okay, Albert Morio.

Lebanon. That's good.

Partner up, everybody!

Get your aprons on. Guys.

Becky...

do you want to partner?

Okay. You can take lab notes.

.5 milligrams of boron.

Boron... Boring!

So, Becky, I'm having a

birthday party tomorrow night.

It was only gonna be guys, but I can...

Thanks, but I'm going to Philip

Parker's party tomorrow night.

I think everyone is.

He has a frozen yogurt

machine and a trampoline.

So do we!

We have a frozen yogurt machine

and a trampoline.

- Oh, my God!

- Well, yeah...

My lab book!

Put it out!

Put it out!

Who's responsible for this?

Alexander!

Alexander! Hold up.

Hold up!

I'm leaving for a conference

and nobody signed up

to take Melvin home.

I can't leave him alone all weekend.

So, what do you want me to do?

Well, you'll make

a furry friend a little less lonely.

Unbelievable.

Cool, we're hosting a guinea pig.

All right!

Sorry we're late.

We had a little

diaper trauma at Trader Joe's.

Hello!

- Hi!

- Hi, Mom.

There's my big boy. Hi!

There you are. Hi, big guy.

- What is that?

- Melvin.

We're hosting Melvin this weekend.

Oh, boy.

Alexander, would you grab that

and wash it off, please?

He needs Bumble Bee like he needs air.

I know, honey pie.

And after that, the pig goes upstairs.

- It's okay.

- Bumble Bee's just getting a bath.

It will be right back.

Alexander, we could use Bumble Bee.

Bumble Bee is coming right back,

right back, right back any second.

Dad, don't!

What was that?

Honey, Bumble Bee's gone.

Peter Pan is going to be awesome.

Today, Mr. Brand said that I am the

most poised and elegant Peter Pan...

he's ever had

the privilege of working with.

No way! Wow.

When is that, again? Just remind me.

Mom, hello! It's tomorrow afternoon!

Of course.

Please be on time

and don't be embarrassing.

Best behavior.

Honey, please don't

embarrass our daughter.

- Dad, that includes you.

- I know.

I'll be there, honey, don't worry.

Guess who's getting crowned

Duke at the prom tomorrow.

Really? Congratulations.

Yeah, it's not official,

but Celia heard from a good source.

It's kind of crazy.

I'm dating the hottest girl in school...

I'm getting crowned at prom,

and once I get my license tomorrow...

I kind of have

everything I've ever wanted.

- Hashtag blessed, you know.

- Wait.

Once you get your license tomorrow?

I'm taking my test after school.

Dad already said it was cool.

You said it was cool?

I said it was doable.

Not cool. I said it was doable.

Okay.

It will be fine. We'll make it.

Okay, guys, I have some news.

Nina said that if the book

launch goes well tomorrow...

you could be looking at the new Vice

President of Lone Hill Press.

Honey, wow!

That's big.

Yeah, it would

be a lot more hours at work...

I already feel like

I live there some days,

but the raise would be nice.

Awesome. I have some news as well.

I got a call today.

I have an interview

for a game design firm.

They're looking for engineers.

- Wait, video games? Really?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Your aerospace engineering

dad might be designing video games.

- That's so cool.

- I know. I know.

The best news of all...

Guess who spoke his first word today?

Trevor.

- No!

- Yes.

What did you say?

What was it?

He said fommy.

- He said fommy?

- Yeah.

- What's that?

- Father-mommy.

I didn't know that was a word.

Wow, we all had pretty big wins today.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, tell me about it.

I had a crap day.

What is that smell?

It's Vegemite.

It's from Australia, and back off!

Easy. You're gonna have

a good day tomorrow.

It's your birthday.

You have friends coming over,

it's gonna be a great party.

Actually, you can forget it,

because I'm canceling my party.

- What are you talking about?

- Why?

Nobody's coming.

They're all going to Philip

Parker's party tomorrow night.

Who is this Philip Parker?

He's a really cool kid

with a hot tub and ADHD.

- I'm gonna call his mom...

- No!

No, no, no.

We're gonna forget about Philip Parker.

Whoever comes to the party comes.

It's gonna be great.

Trust me, nobody is coming.

Elliot Gibson texted pictures of me

in a butt thong to everyone at school.

My best friend

is suddenly best friends with Philip...

because they go to the same

dumb psychopharmacologist.

I didn't get Australia

for my school report...

and I burned down the science lab

with Becky Gibson's lab notes.

- What did you do?

- You burned down the science lab?

Dude, big deal.

So things didn't go your way today.

Go my way?

It was a totally wrecked bad day.

And it's not just today!

It is every single day. Every day!

You don't even care

because your lives are all so perfect!

No, we care. We care, honey.

- What?

- Sweetie.

Where's Bumble Bee?

Alexander murdered it,

so now he's going to cry all night.

- Can't you just get him a new one?

- No.

It's only Bumble Bee.

It's the only one he likes.

It's gotta be Bumble Bee.

I can't deal with this.

I'm going to rehearse in the car.

Maybe this is

the time to wean him from the pacifier.

Honey, easy for you to say.

You're not here with him all day.

Think of a wonderful thought

Any merry little thought

Think of Christmas, think of snow

Think of sleigh bells, off you go

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote