Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day Page #5

3:
00 for hair and makeup...

that would be tremendous.

Em, you look terrible.

Maybe you should have

your understudy do it?

No! Nobody wears those tights but me.

Pharmacy, pronto!

Nobody wears the tights but her.

Any available cashier to register two.

Extra strength or regular?

What do you think?

Excuse me.

Do you have a Bumble Bee pacifier?

Does it have to be Bumble Bee?

It has to be the Bumble Bee.

Yes, because this ain't gonna last.

Thank you.

Hey, how'd the reading go?

It could've gone better.

Honey, I'm sure it was great.

Well...

Well, you know what,

I'm sure it was not that bad, really.

That girl with the awful hair, I think.

No, no. I thought, maybe...

No, it's bad.

- It was bad. It was lose-my-job bad.

- Really?

Anthony, come on! No, please. Stop it.

- No, I'm just...

- Stop it!

What are you doing?

Why is Anthony with you?

He was suspended from school...

for destroying school property.

- What? What happened?

- It's fine.

It was an accident.

I'll tell you about it later.

Okay, so,

Em is getting her cough syrup.

I'm taking Anthony to his driver's test.

And, good news!

50 kids are coming over tonight.

The party is on!

Boy, this is...

- Maybe I should meet you. I'm not far.

- It's fine!

Hon, I'm totally... Hold on.

No, we don't have one.

Daddy wishes he could swear right now.

Question.

Permanent marker,

do you know if it's poisonous?

Because he might have ingested some.

What?

- Ben!

- Honey, honey...

- I'm coming!

- No, no, no! I'm good.

Tell Trevor Mama's on her way!

Nobody's home.

Call 'em, dude.

Anthony, are you sure

you're up for this today?

Dad, it's now or never.

I promised Celia.

All right. Well, anything worth

doing is worth doing well.

Try not to kill anybody.

Hello. Yeah.

I'm not gonna be back

for a while, so, the gate's open.

Just go in, start setting everything up.

Are you sure you guys can handle this?

Yeah, yeah, no problem.

We'll be ready to party.

Okay.

- Okay, great.

- See you later.

Thanks.

- Let's do this.

- Yeah.

Emily, just the

recommended dosage, please.

That stuff's pretty strong.

Hi, guys.

Hey, there's Mama.

Why is my baby green?

Well, things went a little awry today.

Honey.

- Look who it is.

- Ben, he's green.

- I know.

- What is this?

It's marker. It's fine.

How did it go? How was the reading?

It was awful. I think I pretty much

flushed my career down the potty.

Why, what happened?

Never mind. Can I have the wipes?

- Dad!

- Sorry. I'm sorry.

I told you this day was cursed.

Sorry.

Cooper. Anthony Cooper.

- All right, wish me luck.

- Good luck, baby.

- Here you go.

- Anthony Cooper.

Wait, Anthony!

Please don't do it today.

You're gonna fail.

Alexander...

give your brother some space, please.

Yeah, the next time you see this face,

it's gonna be on my driver's license.

It's not coming off.

Just hurry up! I need to get to my play.

What kind of a person...

It's not poisonous.

I don't think it's poisonous.

Hi, I'm Anthony. I'm really excited...

There are only two things

you need to know.

My name is Ms. Suggs

and I'll be your driving examiner.

Now, you may be

the big man on campus out there...

but in this minivan, I'm the B.M.O.C.

You get me?

Now put your hands at 10 and 2,

and show me what you can do.

Hi, Mom, how you doing?

How's your day going so far?

- Okay, I'm just gonna...

- What?

Just make this little call.

Okay.

Yeah, it's...

Cooper! Where are you?

My family had a little situation, so...

Really? That's funny.

Because we're having

a little bit of a situation here!

The phones are going crazy.

What happened at that reading?

Well, it was a really good crowd.

It was a big, big crowd. Big turnout.

And the parents seemed

to have a lot to say.

- They responded.

- Did they?

Did they respond to Dick Van

Dyke asking their toddlers...

if they could take a dump like a dog?

I thought I could count on you.

We'll discuss this later.

I look forward to...

I look forward to that.

Tell me something, Anthony.

Are you a senior citizen?

No, ma'am.

Well, then why are you driving 15 miles

an hour in a 25 mile zone?

Come on, speed it up.

That's right. That is right. Boy.

Change lanes.

Now, I want you to take a right up here.

All right. Okay.

Celia's calling.

It's my girlfriend.

Probably wants to talk prom plans.

Tonight's the prom.

Well, I'll just ignore that.

It seems like

she's very anxious to talk to you.

No. No, no. I'm driving.

I would never answer

the phone when I'm driving.

- No.

- No matter what circumstance.

But, you know,

proms don't happen every day.

That's true.

You sure?

It'll just be super quick. It's not...

What's important to you

is important to me.

Right?

Hey, Celia.

I can't really talk right now, but...

- Put the phone down!

- What?

Put the mobile device down now!

Eyes on the road!

No, no!

You're gonna kill us!

What is wrong with you?

What are you doing?

What are you...

What are you doing? You fool!

You tricked me!

Get outta this car.

- You get out of this car.

- You're evil!

You prom creep!

- I don't think he passed.

- Get out!

Get out!

This is your fault.

If you hadn't caused a fight

between me and Celia...

I would've never picked up that call...

- and failed my test.

- No, no, no.

Anthony, you are

not passing the blame on this one.

I told you today might not be

a good day to take the test.

Dad, I had to take the test today.

No, you didn't have

to take the test today.

It is all Alexander's fault.

If he hadn't dropped Trevor's

paci down the disposal...

I never would have rehearsed

in a cold car and gotten sick.

That's also your fault.

If you hadn't left the battery

on in my car all night...

I wouldn't have been late to work...

and Dick Van Dyke

wouldn't be mad at me.

Chim Chiminey wants to kill me!

Can you imagine?

Mom, Trevor was crying!

Where was I supposed to rehearse?

How were you able to hit every

parking meter on that street?

When I was in the bathroom this

morning, Mom saw me naked!

I don't think you left a speck of paint!

Her fault! She's an evil woman.

One right after the other.

Stop, you guys!

Okay, stop!

It was my fault.

I'm to blame for all of it.

For everything.

Yeah, see? I told you.

No, hold on, hold on.

Alexander, what are you saying?

Okay, look.

Last night I made

myself a birthday sundae

and I made a wish on a candle...

and I think I cursed

this day for all of you.

- You did what?

- I'm sorry.

I just wanted you guys

to know what it was like...

to have a massively

horrible, terrible day.

So I wished it...

and now you're all having one.

Alexander, as incredible

as it would be...

for you to have

that kind of supernatural ability...

I don't think you can

actually curse a day, buddy.

Yeah, sweetie, this isn't your fault.

We just bit off

more than we could chew today...

and it isn't going our way.

No, look, I did curse the day.

I don't know how,

but I did, and it worked.

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