Alice Page #9

Thank you. That's

very sweet. Thank you.

- Don't be offended.

- This is my night. I'm not at all offended.

- I've been staring at you for half an hour.

- Have you really?

- God!

- Excuse me. Hi, Sid. How are you?

- I'm fine.

- Everyone's having too much eggnog!

I want you to know I...

- You mean a lot to me.

- You don't even know me.

I know enough to know that

I would be lost without you.

- You'd be lost without me?

- Suddenly, really...

- You're my world, Alice.

- I was just looking for my sister Dorothy.

- Excuse me.

- I need to say this.

- Who are you?

- My name is Alice Tait.

- Excuse me.

- Dorothy's sister. I was looking for her.

- You are the most devastating...

- Alice.

- What is everyone on?

- Alice? I just... I love you.

- That's a beautiful name.

- Excuse me.

- The herbs. The herbs.

- Alice. Excuse me.

The herbs. A bag, did you

see a brown bag around here?

- The nutmeg. I put that in the eggnog.

- Nutmeg? Oh, no. Isn't there any left?

- It was a small bag.

- It's not nutmeg. Get the eggnog, please.

- I thought it was.

- Tip the whole thing out.

- I'm Nat. I've been staring at you...

- There's been a mistake.

- Give me that. Don't drink any more.

- You're so lovely.

- Ken, let me talk to you tomorrow.

- I love you.

Excuse me. You're gonna think this is

very sudden. I love you. Let's get married.

- I think we should. I have a lot of money.

- Alice. My God.

- There's been an accident.

- Joseph Banks. Can you feel it?

- Alice?

- Can you feel? Can you?

Why don't you back off a second, OK?

Let me talk to her. Give me one second.

- Claire had so much liposuction done.

- Yes?

I ran into her in Palm Beach

and again at the kinesiologist's.

I think she wants to have an

affair with her dog-walker.

- Taxi!

- Is it five or six Pekingese she has?

- Six, I think. Is he cute?

- Mm... Mezzo, mezzo.

- Is that you?

- Yeah.

- We have to talk.

- Yeah. I think we do need to talk.

All right. I've fooled around a

little over the years. I'm not perfect.

- Neither am I.

- No, you are.

No, Doug. I've lied. I've cheated.

- I've done things I didn't think I had in me.

- You have?

I have, I have. We haven't had a

real marriage in so long, if ever.

In what way did you lie and cheat?

All I know is, I don't like the way I feel

about it. I think it's time to change that.

Look, I don't wanna blow this out of

proportion, OK? What's past is past.

Nothing has to be different. We can

get things back to the way they were.

I know I can. I know I can.

- But I'm not going to.

- What does that mean?

Lt... Would you excuse us, please,

Hilda? Just for a moment, please.

I'll tell you what it means. I'm tired

of all this. I'm tired of pedicures...

...and face-lifts, and shopping and

gossip about who's in bed with who.

- I'm tired of the whole thing.

- There's more than that. The children.

Yes, exactly. I want them growing up

with deeper values, with something else.

- Don't give me a lecture.

- That is something I don't need any more.

- What is it?

- For your own interest.

You wanted to take a

writing course. I said OK.

Did you also have an affair with

Nancy Brill? I wouldn't be surprised.

- I don't like you this way.

- I can't write. And if I could...

- It's good to know that. ... I'm

incapable of more than a TV plot.

- We need to go to the Bahamas.

- It's pathetic.

- Unwind, sunbathe, unload this.

- I'm going further than the Bahamas.

- OK. What? Where are you going?

- I'm going to Calcutta.

- You're going where?

- Calcutta.

- To try and work with Mother Teresa.

- Do you have your ticket?

I want the children to have

a different kind of life.

- To know something different.

- Mother Teresa? Are you serious?

- I'm serious.

- You're serious about this?

- When did this amazing thought pop up?

- It doesn't matter when.

It does to me.

One minute without your charge plates

and masseuse and you would be lost.

Yeah, I know. You're probably right.

- But it's not gonna be that way any more.

- Really? What's it gonna be? Calcutta?

You're going off to Calcutta?

Do you know they have 10,000

unlisted diseases in Calcutta?

I don't believe...

What are you saying?

The second you see an ad

for a diamond earring...

...or get a craving for a caviar

blini, you'll be back, if indeed you go.

You're not going with my children.

Did you hear about Alice

Tait? She left her husband.

- No!

- That's old news.

- What do you mean?

- The big news is, she went to India.

- Really?

- It's incredible. She met Mother Teresa.

But now she's back and I heard she's

doing some kind of volunteer work.

- She always had that Catholic streak.

- True.

She not only left her husband, she left

her cook, her chauffeur and her maid.

She's living downtown with the kids.

You're not gonna believe this.

She does everything herself.

Penny Gates said she spends all her free

time with her kids, and she looks great.

No cook or maid? Did she

have a mental breakdown?

- That's my thought.

- Someone said she's a changed woman.

Speaking of changed women,

Gloria Phillips had face work.

She's having an affair with

her astrologer, isn't she?

But she's a changed woman because

you can't tell it's Gloria.

Listen...

Rate this script:2.0 / 1 vote