Alice in Wonderland Page #5

KNAVE OF HEARTS:

Majesty, I found the Oraculum.

He lays it on a table and rolls it out.

RED QUEEN:

That? It looks so ordinary for an

oracle.

KNAVE OF HEARTS:

Look here. On the Frabjous Day.

He points to the illustration of Alice in the scroll.

RED QUEEN:

I’d know that tangled mess of hair

anywhere. Is it Alice?

KNAVE OF HEARTS:

I believe it is.

RED QUEEN:

What is she doing with my darling

Jabberwocky?

KNAVE OF HEARTS:

She appears to be slaying it.

RED QUEEN:

She killed my Jabberbabywocky!

KNAVE OF HEARTS:

Not yet. But it will happen if we

don’t stop her.

RED QUEEN:

Find Alice, Stayne. Find her!

KNAVE OF HEARTS:

I will bring her head and lay it at

your feet.

RED QUEEN:

No. Bring the whole girl. I want to

do it myself.

(CONTINUED)

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27 CONTINUED:
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He nods.

28 EXT. NEAR THE STABLES - LATER 28

Stayne sits on his horse as the Knights hold a growling

BLOODHOUND, BAYARD, bound by a spiked collar and heavy ropes.

KNAVE OF HEARTS:

Find the scent of human girl and earn

your freedom.

BLOODHOUND:

For my wife and pups as well?

KNAVE OF HEARTS:

Everyone goes home.

He puts his nose to the ground and leads the Knights off.

Stayne strokes his horse’s neck.

STAYNE’S HORSE

Dogs will believe anything.

29 EXT. THE TULGEY WOOD - DAY - CONT. 29

Still running, Alice stops to look at the gashes on her arm.

CHESHIRE CAT (O.S.)

It looks like you ran afoul of

something with wicked claws.

She sees the disembodied head of a CAT hovering midair.

ALICE:

And I’m still dreaming!

CHESHIRE CAT:

What did that to you?

ALICE:

Banner or Bander...

CHESHIRE CAT:

The Bandersnatch? I’d better have a

look.

The Cat disappears then reappears as a whole cat. CHESSUR is

all calm, casual sensuality with a seductive grin. He

inspects the wound, then tries to lick it.

ALICE:

What are you doing?

(CONTINUED)

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29

CHESHIRE CAT:

It needs to be purified by someone

with evaporating skills or it will

fester and putrefy.

ALICE:

I’ll be fine as soon as I wake up.

CHESHIRE CAT:

At least let me bind it for you.

She allows him to use his handkerchief to bind the wound.

CHESHIRE CAT:

What do you call yourself?

ALICE:

Alice.

CHESHIRE CAT:

The Alice?

ALICE:

I’m not going into that again!

CHESIRE CAT:

I never get involved in politics.

You’d best be on your way.

ALICE:

What way? All I want to do is wake up

from this dream!

CHESHIRE CAT:

Fine. I’ll take you to the Hare and

the Hatter. But that’s the end of it.

He disappears suddenly. She looks around. He reappears

ahead.

CHESHIRE CAT (CONT’D)

Coming?

There’s nothing else for her to do but follow.

30 EXT. HOUSE OF THE MARCH HARE - DAY 30

The house is part hare/part house. The chimneys are ears. The

roof is thatched with fur. The picket fence is rabbit feet,

doorknob a bunny tail. The windows are pink rabbit eyes that

look round and blink.

(CONTINUED)

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The tea party has been going on for years. The tea set is an

odd admixture of cracked pots and chipped cups. The

tablecloth is stained and threadbare, the chairs lopsided.

The MAD HATTER slumps in one of them, staring into space,

pale and morose. Even his clothes reflect his gloomy mood. He

always wears a ragged and scorched TOP HAT. Paranoid and

anxious, the MARCH HARE constantly wrings his paws and long

ears. The Dormouse has arrived ahead of Alice. She wears the

Bandersnatch eye at her waist. The Hare/house taps the March

Hare on his head.

MARCH HARE:

What? Where? Who’s there?

The Cheshire Cat strolls in with Alice. At sight of her, the

Hatter bolts upright. He brightens, his clothes even perk up.

Transfixed, he moves towards her, shortest route being across

the top of the table. He comes close, studying her intently.

MAD HATTER:

Your hair wants cutting... It’s you. *

THE DORMOUSE:

No, it’s not. McTwisp brought us the

wrong Alice.

MAD HATTER:

It’s absolutely Alice. You’re *

absolutely Alice! I’d know you

anywhere. I’d know him anywhere. *

He takes her hand and pulls her back over the top of the

table. She tries not to step on any teacups. He plunks her

down in the chair next to his.

MAD HATTER:

Well, as you can see we’re still *

having tea. It’s all because I was *

obliged to kill Time waiting for your *

return. You’re terribly late, you *

know... naughty. Well anyway, time *

became quite offended and stopped *

altogether. Not a tick ever since.

ALICE:

Time can be funny in dreams.

MAD HATTER:

Yes yes, of course. But now you are *

back, you see, and we need to get on *

to the Frabjous day. I’m investigating *

things that begin with the letter M. *

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

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30 CONTINUED:
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MAD HATTER (cont'd)

Have you any idea why a raven is like *

a writing desk? *

Hare, Hatter and Dormouse clasp their hands high.

HATTER/HARE/DORMOUSE

Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!

(CONTINUED)

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30 CONTINUED:
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ALICE:

Sorry?

CHESHIRE CAT:

“Down with the Bloody Big Head”.

Bloody Big Head being the Red Queen.

THE DORMOUSE:

It’s a secret language used by us...

the Underland Underground Resistance!

MAD HATTER:

Come, come. We simply must commence *

with the slaying and such...

(to Time)

Therefore, it’s high time for Time to *

forgive and forget. Or forget and *

forgive, whichever comes first. Or, is *

in any case, most convenient. I’m *

waiting. *

The March Hare taps his watch, listens to it, dips it into

his tea cup, listens again.

MARCH HARE:

It’s ticking again!

The Cat puts his tea cup down with disgust.

CHESIRE CAT:

All this talk of blood and slaying has

put me off my tea.

MAD HATTER:

The entire world is falling to ruin *

and poor Chessur’s off his tea.

CHESIRE CAT:

What happened that day was not my

fault!

Suddenly enraged, the Hatter slams both hands on the table.

Cups and teapots go flying.

MAD HATTER:

You ran out on them to save your own

skin!

(cursing in

Outlandish)

You guddler’s scuttish pilgar

lickering...

(CONTINUED)

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30 CONTINUED:
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The Cheshire Cat puts his paws over Alice’s ears. The Hatter

keeps cursing faster and faster. He can’t stop himself.

(CONTINUED)

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30 CONTINUED:
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MAD HATTER:

...Shukem juggling sluking ur-pals. *

Bar lom muck egg brimni. *

THE DORMOUSE:

Hatter!

The Hatter jerks. He pulls himself back to the moment.

MAD HATTER:

(Fez ??) Thank you. I’m fine. *

CHESIRE CAT:

What’s wrong with you, Tarrant? You

used to be the life of the party. You

used to do the best Futterwacken in

all of Witzend.

ALICE:

Futter...?

THE DORMOUSE:

It’s a dance.

MAD HATTER:

On the Frabjous day, when the White

Queen once again wears the crown, *

again. On that day, I’ll

Futterwacken... Vigorously. *

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