Alice in Wonderland

(A metronome ticks when signs of wood ticks. Alice appears out of sight.)

Cherry ripe, Cherry ripe,

ripe I cry fools and fair ones come and buy!

Cherry ripe, Cherry ripe, ripe I cry...

Alice...

what's the matter, child?

You look as pale as a ghost.

I can't do it, Nanny!

They don't expect you to sing until after tea...

you've got another half an hour to practice.

And relax... drink a strong cup of herbal tea...

it's what I used to do when

I was on the boards...

I can't do it. I can't sing.

It's just stage fright...

there's nothing to be afraid of...

I shall be with you...

it's all in the mind, child.

You can't make me sing!

I won't! I won't!

Now, we'll have none of that, young lady.

Everyone's here. Have you seen my...

Mummy, please don't make me sing!

She's a little nervous, Ma'am.

Perfectly natural... I've seen it often.

Alice, you promised me and your father.

All the guests are so looking forward to it.

It's expected.

Of course, dear, if you really don't want

to your father and I will understand

though we'll be very disappointed.

I don't want to disappoint you and daddy.

Don't worry darling...

I'm sure you'll make us all very proud.

And remember Alice, whatever happens...

flood or earthquake... the show must go on.

"Cherry ripe, cherry ripe,

rrrrripe I cry... fools and fair

ones come and buy...

Oh what am I going to do, Dinah?

Of all the songs I have to sing "Cherry Ripe"!

How can they expect me to sing

in front of all these strangers.

I'll go back later when it's all over!

Oh dear, oh!

Oh me! Oh, oh,

oh dear, oh dear, oh dear

I'll be so late! Oooh, Oh me.

Oh dear.

I wonder what Latitude

or Longitude I've got to?

I've no idea what Latitude and

Longitude are, but they're grand words

Longitude and Latitude

(Alice lands on a log of wood.)

Oh my furry ears and whiskers,

look how late it's getting!

Perhaps I fell right through the earth,

and come out the other side...

I shall have to ask somebody

the name of the country...

"Please Ma'am, is this New

Zealand or Australia?"

That's strange...

Now that I'm in, how do I get out?

(Alice spies a beautiful garden from a tiny church door)

If only I was smaller...

That wasn't there before,

I wonder if it's alright to drink.

If you drink too much from

a bottle marked poison

it's almost certain to disagree

with you sooner or later.

This bottle's not marked "Poison".

(The bottle flies into view. Alice starts deluxing as she shrinks)

Hmm...

Oh no.

Now what am I supposed to do?

Curiouser and curiouser.

If it makes me grow taller

then I can reach the key...

and if it makes me grow smaller

I can creep under the door...

either way I'll get into the garden!

(Alice tastes the cake. Alice starts to grow very massive as the cookie shrinks. Alice drops the cookie off, then her head hit the ceiling. Cuts to a slow scene, then goes in normal speed)

I'm stuck,

I'm stuck. What am I suppose to do?

Oh! The Duchess'll be absolutely

savage if I keep her waiting.

Please sir, can you help me?!

(Alice cries as the tears fill the hall into an ocean)

Are you crying?

Yes.

Well, fortunately I speak "crying"

and "sobbing" fluently...

but I can't stay...

- I'm late!

(The White Rabbit runs away)

- No.

Yesterday everything was so normal...

Now look at me. I'm huge, and I'm stuck!

I wonder what's making me grow smaller?

It must be this fan.

(Alice shrinks as she goes down into the water. She moves her hands to make her float. She is now in an ocean-like hall with other people swimming.)

Mr Mouse!

Mr Mouse...

Mr Mouse.

How did you know my name, young lady.

You did look like a mouse...

I'm late. Come with me,

I've a very important lecture to

deliver and everyone will be there!

My lectures, my lectures have to be

seen and heard to be depreciated...

of course they divide people...

Last time the whole audience hissed.

Hissed! All except one man.

He was applauding the hissing.

What am I going to talk about?

What am I going to do?

Whatever it is I'll talk about,

you can be sure it isn't new

Not new.

Not new.

I am an English lecturer

The most famous of my time.

Because I stick with the same old words

And never change a line.

Not a line,

not, not a line...

Not a line...

My mother couldn't carry a

tune not even if it had handles.

Silly old trout.

A most depressing venue...

The distemper's coming off at the knees...

Still the audience look lively enough.

That's the main thing...

I mean they're not dead. Not yet...

What's your name, if it isn't a rude question?

Alice.

Oh well,

that's not your fault...

Err... you're wet!

Sit down...

I'll soon make her dry enough.

My lecture is the driest

thing I've ever heard of.

Settle down everybody

whilst I clear my throat.

Get on with it!

Walnuts!

Oh well,

now then...

"William the Conqueror,

whose cause was favored by the Pope,

Ooooh...

Did you speak?

I don't think so.

"Edwin and Morcar, the Earls

of Mercia and Northumbria,

declared for him...

and even Stigand, the patriotic

Archbishop of Canterbury

found it advisable to go with

Edgar Altheling to meet William

and offer him the crown.

How are you getting on now, my dear?

I'm as wet as ever, it doesn't

seem to dry me at all.

Are you sure?

I don't like the sound of it.

None of use do...

in which case I move that

the meeting adjourn...

And we immediately, if not sooner,

adopt more energetic remedies to

facilitate a cure for wetness, per se...

Speak English!

What I was going to say was, ipso facto...

the best thing to get her dry would be...

(The camera fastly zooms to him)

a caucus-race!

What's a caucus-race?!

A caucus-race! A caucus-race!

What's a caucus-race?

I'll pack a few things!

Now you're talking.

Yes I'm talking, now what's a caucus-race?!

The best way to explain a

caucus-race is - to do it.

On your marks,

get set...

go!

(The animals race around the library)

It's a blistering race!

An extraordinary display of skill,

determination and sheer stupidity!

(The animals continue racing as some goes on the top of the books as some goes on the bottom of the books.)

They're all cheating!

That's a caucus-race!

So perish all enemies of the Tsar!

And there's more where that came from!

So you think I'm a cheat do you?!

No just deformed.

No man calls me deformed

unless he's certified!

Look! Look... the finishing post!

Who's won?!

Who's won?!

I vouchsafe that everybody won...

and that we must all have prizes.

Who's going to give the prizes?!

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