Alice in Wonderland Page #8

from here as luggage.

No, I won't.

I don't belong on this

railway journey at all.

I was in the forest just now,

and I wish

I could get back there.

Well, "If wishes were horses,

beggars would ride."

That's an old expression.

Here's another

old expression.

If you're so anxious

to make a joke,

why don't you make one?

I...

Well, it's the most unheard of

thing I've ever heard of.

What a bunch

of grouchy people

you all are.

We should

send her on by mail.

She's got quite a stamp

on her.

No, no, no.

We should send her

as a message by telegraph.

Whoa!

Hold on. I think this train's

out of control.

Oh, who cares?

As long as it'll take me

into the fourth square.

Uh, I really think I should

pull an emergency cord.

There isn't

an emergency cord.

There's not even

a non-emergency cord.

No.

There's got to be!

All trains have one.

You pull it

and the train stops.

Well, there isn't,

you little crybaby.

There's got to be one.

There isn't.

The only thing you can

pull around here

is your own weight.

That's what you think.

Well...

I must say...

Who stopped the train?

She's the culprit.

Tattletale.

Well, how did she do it?

She yanked on his

chinny chin-chin.

Almost pulled my whiskers off,

she did.

Little girl, didn't you know

it's against the law

to stop the train?

Unless, of course,

it's an emergency.

It was.

The train was running away.

Oh! And who was it

running away from?

That's a silly question.

And you're a silly girl.

And you're

a silly-billy goat.

She got your goat that time.

"Got your goat,"

that's very good.

I'm going to write

that down on paper.

Next time, stay off my train.

I will!

She almost ruined my lunch.

Hello. Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

What do you want?

You look

like a very nice person.

A very, very nice person

who wouldn't hurt me

even if I am an insect.

I can see that.

But exactly

what kind of insect are you?

I'm a gnat.

But what kind of insects

do they like

where you come from?

Well,

I don't usually like insects

where I come from.

But could you please tell me

if this is the fourth square?

You see, I'm on my way

to the eighth square

where I'll be a queen.

Why would you

want to be a queen?

I guess then

I'll be grown up enough

to go home.

And my mother

will be so glad

to see me.

She'll see how grown-up I am.

Invite me to sit at tea.

Is this forest

the fourth square?

Yes, but I wouldn't

go in there if I were you.

Well, as long as

there aren't any monsters,

I'm sure I'll be quite fine.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I really must be going.

Don't say

I didn't warn you.

No, I really

would never say that.

Bye.

"To Tweedledum's house."

"To the home of Tweedledee."

I suppose those two

live in the same house.

Hmm.

Maybe they can tell me

how to get to

the eighth square.

If you think we're waxworks,

you really ought to pay,

you know.

Waxworks weren't made

to be looked at for nothing.

I didn't know you were alive.

Contrariwise,

if you think we're alive,

then you should speak.

Oh, yes. I'm very sorry.

Hmm. I know

what you're thinking about.

Well, it isn't so. No how.

Contrariwise,

if it was so, it might be,

and if it were so,

it would be,

but as it isn't, it ain't.

That's logic.

That's logic.

Well, I was thinking

which way was the best way

out of the wood.

Well, you've begun wrong.

The first thing you do

in a visit is you say,

"How do you do?"

And you shake hands.

# How do you do? Shake hands

# Welcome to you

Shake hands #

# It's really quite

important to be proper #

# And don't you dare

to be dumb #

# Or you may come a cropper

# The weather is fine

Shake hands #

# The pleasure is mine

Shake hands #

# And though the meeting

may be fleeting #

# It's so lovely,

don't you see #

# If you'll shake hands

with me #

# The weather is fine

Shake hands #

# The pleasure is mine

Shake hands #

# And though the meeting

may be fleeting #

# It's so lovely,

don't you see #

# If you shake hands

# Don't be a fool

Shake hands #

# If you'll shake hands

# With me! #

I hope you're not too tired.

Oh, no how.

But thank you very much

for asking.

So much obliged.

You like poetry?

Well, some poetry.

But would you tell me

which road leads

out of the wood?

But I know so much poetry.

You really must

stay long enough

and let me entertain you.

What marvelous poem

shall I recite to her?

Why, The Walrus

and the Carpenter.

It's the longest.

If it's very long,

would you please

tell me first which road?

I mean, you're both

so very exhausted.

Nonsense!

Nonsense!

# The sun

was shining on the sea

Shining with all his might #

# He did his very best

to make the billows

smooth and bright #

# And this

was odd, because it was

the middle of the night #

# The moon was shining sulkily

because she thought the sun #

# Had got no business

to be there

after the day was done #

# "It's very rude of him,"

she said,

"to come and spoil the fun!" #

# The sea was wet

as wet could be #

# The sands were dry as dry

# You could not see a cloud

because no cloud

was in the sky #

# No birds were flying

overhead #

# There were no birds

to fly #

Oi!

# The Walrus and the Carpenter

were walking close at hand #

# They wept like

anything to see

such quantities of sand #

# If this were only

cleared away, my friend,

it would be grand! #

# If seven maids

with seven mops

swept it for half a year #

# Do you suppose

in that much time that

they could get it clear? #

# I doubt it really

could be done

At least by me, my dear #

Oh, oh!

You see that?

# O, Oysters,

come and walk with us #

# We truly do beseech

# A pleasant walk,

a pleasant talk #

# Along the briny beach

# We cannot do

with more than four

to give a hand to each #

# The time has come,

I'm quite convinced #

# To talk of many things

# Of shoes and ships

and sealing wax #

# Of cabbages and kings

# And why the sea

is boiling hot #

# And whether pigs

have wings #

# But wait a bit,

if you don't mind #

# Before we have our chat

# For some of us

are out of breath #

# And all of us are fat!

# We do not wish

to hurry you #

# We thank you much for that

# A loaf of bread

and butter, too #

# Is what we chiefly need

# And vinegar

and salt besides #

# Are very good indeed

# Now if you're ready,

Oysters, dear #

# We can begin to feed

# But not on us,

if it's all the same #

# And strictly entre nous

# For after such a kindess

# What a dismal thing

to do! #

# Shall we have some wine?

# The night is fine

# Do you admire the view?

# It was so kind

of you to come! #

# And you are so very nice!

# Talk is cheap

by the briny deep #

# Cut us another slice

# I wish you were

not quite so deaf

I've had to ask you twice #

# It seems

a rather dreadful shame

to play them such a trick #

# After we've

brought them out so far

and made them trot so quick #

# Say what you will,

but as for me #

# The butter's spread

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