Alice in Wonderland Page #9

too thick! #

Look, they're getting away.

Turn around,

and get after them.

# I weep for you,

my little friends

I deeply sympathize #

# I sob a sob

and I weep some tears #

# All those

of a larger size #

# Oh,

hold your pocket handkerchief

before your blooming eyes #

# "O, Oysters,"

said the Carpenter #

# "You've had

a pleasant run! #

# "Shall we be

trotting home again?" #

# But the answer

came there none #

# And this was

scarcely odd, because #

# They'd eaten every one #

They ate them all?

What monsters.

Oh, it's somebody's shawl.

Bread and butter.

Bread and butter.

Bread and butter.

Bread and butter.

My shawl.

Where's my bread

and butter, baby?

Oh, thank you.

I've been looking for that.

Then I'm really glad

I happened to be in the way.

Bread and butter.

Bread and butter.

Bread and...

My hat.

Am I addressing

the White Queen?

Well, yes, if you can

call that a dressing.

It's not my notion

of the thing at all.

If Your Majesty

will only tell me

the right way to begin,

I'll do it as well as I can.

May I help put your shawl on

straight for you?

Please.

It's out of temper, I think.

It's in a snit.

It's peevish.

It's having a fit.

I've pinned it here

and I've pinned it there.

There's no pleasing it.

Well, you look better now.

But really,

you should have a lady's maid.

I'll take you

with pleasure.

Tuppence a week,

and jam every other day.

I don't want you to hire me

and I don't care for jam.

Well, it's very good jam.

Well, I don't want

any today at any rate.

Well, you couldn't have it

if you did want it.

The rule is "Jam tomorrow,

jam yesterday,

"but never jam today."

It must come sometimes

to "jam today."

No, it can't.

It's jam every other day.

Today isn't any other day,

you know.

# Jam tomorrow, jam yesterday

But never, ever jam today #

# I said, jam tomorrow,

jam yesterday #

# But never, ever jam today

# You can wish as you want

You can want as you wish #

# Still you'd

better hear me say #

# Jam tomorrow, jam yesterday

But never, ever jam today #

# I'm ashamed of marmalade!

# Not jelly, not honey,

for love, nor money #

# Never, ever jam today

# Oh, you can wish as you want

You can want as you wish #

# Still you'd

better hear me say #

# Jam tomorrow,

jam yesterday #

# But never, ever

jam today! #

It's dreadfully confusing.

Well, that's the effect

of living backward.

It makes everyone

a little giddy at first.

But there's one

great advantage.

The memory works both ways.

Well, I'm sure mine

only works one way.

I can't remember

things before they happen.

Well,

it's a poor sort of memory

only works backwards.

What sort of things

do you remember best?

Things that happened

the week after next.

My finger's bleeding!

How'd that happen?

Have you stuck your finger?

Well, I haven't stuck it yet,

but I soon shall.

When do you expect to do it?

When I fasten

my shawl again.

The brooch will

come undone directly.

Be careful!

You're holding it

all crooked!

See? That accounts

for the bleeding.

Now you understand

the way things happen here.

How old are you?

Seven and a half exactly.

I'm just 101.

I can't believe that.

You can't?

I hope your finger's

better now.

Better.

Much better.

Better.

What a thick,

black cloud that is.

I believe it's got wings.

I hope it's not...

It's only a giant bird.

I thought the Jabberwocky

was coming back again.

It can't reach me here.

It's too large

to get through the trees.

I wish it wouldn't

flap its wings so.

It's like a hurricane.

It's Humpty Dumpty.

It can't be anyone else.

And he looks

exactly like a giant egg.

Young lady,

it's not very nice

to tell someone

he looks like an egg.

But some eggs

are very beautiful, you know.

Some people

have no more sense

than a baby.

My name is Alice, sir.

That's a stupid name.

I may be stupid, sir,

but don't you think

you'd be a lot safer

down here on the ground?

The wall is very narrow.

Of course

I don't think so.

Why, even if I did fall off,

the King has promised...

To send all of his horses

and all of his men

to put Humpty Dumpty

back together again.

You've been snooping

at doors,

or you couldn't

have known that!

Oh, no. It's in a book

of very famous

nursery rhymes.

What a beautiful belt

you've got.

Really? When a person

doesn't know

a cravat from a belt!

It's a cravat, child,

and a very beautiful one,

I might add.

It's a present

from the White King and Queen.

Really?

Yes, really.

They gave it to me

for an unbirthday present

just this past week.

An unbirthday present?

What's an unbirthday present?

It's a present given

when it isn't your birthday,

of course!

I like birthday presents best.

You don't know

what you're talking about!

How many days are there

in a year?

And how many birthdays

do you have?

One.

And if you take

one from 365,

that means you can get

364 unbirthday presents.

You see, dum-dum?

Certainly.

And only one

for birthday presents,

you know.

Now there's glory for you.

I don't know

what you mean by "glory."

Of course you don't.

Till I tell you.

I mean, there's a nice

knockdown argument for you.

But "glory" doesn't mean

a "nice knockdown argument."

When I use a word,

it means just

what I choose it to mean!

Neither more nor less.

The question is

whether you can make words

mean so many different things.

The question is

which is to be master.

That's all!

Words, they've a temper.

Hmm.

Some words,

particularly verbs,

they're the proudest.

Adjectives you can

do anything with,

but not verbs.

However, I can manage

the whole lot of them!

Impenetrability.

That's what I say.

Would you please tell me

what that word means?

Now you talk like

a reasonable child.

I meant by "impenetrability"

that we've had enough

of that subject.

And it would be just as well

if you'd mention

what you mean to do next,

because I suppose

you don't mean to stop here

all the rest of your life.

That's a great deal

to make one word mean.

When I make a word

do a lot of work like that,

I always pay it extra.

Mr. Dumpty, if you're going

to skip and dance,

don't you really think

it'd be a bit safer

down here on the ground?

Actually, no!

If I thought that,

I'd do that!

You are a rather

fearful little child,

aren't you?

Mr. Dumpty,

you don't understand.

I suppose I do have

a lot of fears inside me.

And Mr. Owl,

at least I think

that was his name...

Mr. Dumpty, my fears

are bringing back

the Jabberwocky!

The Jabberwocky?

Hello, little girl.

Did you happen to see

my two messengers

as you came through the wood?

No, Your Majesty.

Well, would you mind looking

along this road here

and tell me if you can

see either of them?

I see nobody on the road.

Oh. I only wish

I had such eyes

to be able to see nobody.

It's as much as I can do

to see real people

by this light.

I see somebody now!

But he's coming very slowly.

His name is Haigha.

He's an Anglo-Saxon

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