All About E Page #3

if I get upset.

Alright umi.

You can have a huge party

for us.

Invite every single cousin

we have.

You play clarinet for us?

I haven't played

in over a year.

Ok.

Just tonight,

give Matt a chance.

A fat chance, huh

Whew!

What's this called again?

- Arak.

- Ah, is the milk of the lion.

It's very special. It's from

my brother in Lebanon.

- It's lethal.

- It suits this kitty cat.

I'm just saying, what we do

in Ireland in the country

is sing and dance.

Lord of the riverdance,

that's me.

I love to dance.

I used to dance all the time

in the club in Beirut.

I bet you cut a fine figure on

the dance floor, mrs Malouf.

I better singer,

ah, a long time ago.

You show us this dancing.

Er... I don't think

that's such a great idea.

How about a song for us,

mrs Malouf?

Please,

you leave this man alone.

Your father, he doesn't like

singing or dancing.

But you listen to me -

he used to like it

before everything change.

Nadine!

No, you cooked.

Let me clean up.

No, I do. You guest.

No, I insist.

- We do together.

- Together!

Together, together.

- Oh, Danny boy...

- Oh, you sing!

Your mother never sing anymore.

You upset her.

Since the day I was born.

Oh, my god.

Please tell me

your mother gave you those.

Fabulous.

What?

Even though we're married?

They don't like you that much.

Do you not miss it?

Nah. Being a dj's much cooler.

Especially when dressed by moi!

Clarinet concerto in a minor

aye,

that sounds like an ok deal,

but what are

your delivery times?

I need this lot fast.

Ok.

We'll get to the bit

where I cut your toes off

fairly soon now,

so you'll maybe be wanting

to try and remember where

that b*tch has taken ma money,

eh?

I swear, I don't know!

Check the wee b*tch's phone.

Elmira it's for you - a man.

Why you get call here

this time?

Sh, mum! Hello who's this?

You treacherous, wee wog.

So this is how you repay me?

- Why he ring this late?

- Dad, please take mum...

- You take mah money...

- Your money?

- What you done?

- Mumma!

Dinnae play the innocent

with me!

Why've you no answered

your mobile, eh?

You get my cash here by nine,

or I dinnae know what I'll do.

Matt! Get up. It's Johnny,

it's Johnny's money.

He knows where we are.

- We need to leave now.

- What? oh, my god!

Oh, sweet Jesus!

But why we have to leave now?

I no like Ali. He is a bad man.

He's got bad friends,

he smoke bad cigarettes.

- Exactly.

- He can't cook!

- We stay here.

- Mumma, you can't stay here.

Dad, please tell her.

You have to go to Ali.

- Tell him there's trouble.

- Enough!

We will go.

Dad, I'm so sorry.

Is for you, for later.

Let's go.

I knew this was too good

to be true.

We have to give it back, E.

- No, we don't.

- What?

He thinks he's in charge

of everything,

can control everyone.

Well, he's about to find out

he's wrong.

Are you crazy?

He had no right to cancel ice.

Let him stew.

It's not like he can go to the

police and report it missing.

No, but he can kill us.

Not if he can't find us.

Do you think your parents

will be ok?

Yeah. Ali's a thug.

If anyone can handle Johnny,

he can.

I wish we'd given it

to the police.

Then Johnny really would

kill us.

I still don't get you and him.

Ok, so you don't get it.

Nobody does.

Hey.

You know, I still don't know

why all of row 4 have died.

It should be a good mix.

- I got it, Trish.

- Got what?

Johnny's given me top billing.

You're looking at

the new resident dj

for Saturday nights.

Don't you have clarinet

quartet on Saturday nights?

No biggie.

They can find someone else.

I thought you said

they'd fail you

if you didn't play

in the quartet?

Maybe I don't want

to play the clarinet anymore.

You're joking?

This is my chance.

Johnny says that I'm the best

dj he's seen in years.

I could be really big.

Why can't you be happy for me?

I can,

if it's what you really want.

- It is.

- I don't believe you.

Well, it's the truth.

I don't want

to play the clarinet anymore.

Jaysus, E! Pull in!

You're not fit to drive.

And I could eat a small child.

I need a hangover cure!

Well, what d'ya think?

Don't ask me, then. Furthest

I've ever been is Bondi beach.

Hm... And one time when I went

to Brisbane. Met a guy online.

I arrived for a romantic

weekend. One word - disaster.

Let's just say, I know why

the caged bear sings,

and it's not my tune.

What about taking

Arabian nights to Melbourne?

Mm.

Ow!

No wonder you can't

keep the weight off.

- Sorry?

- You heard.

You have no idea

what it's like to be me.

Come on Matt,

I didn't mean it like that.

Uh-huh. Yes, you did.

Here I am, a fat, Irish

redhead looking for true love

in the Sydney meat market,

full of tanned gym junkies

who are all as superficial

as you.

What's my chances, hey E?

Come on! You know

you're my best friend.

When it suits you.

You're a selfish little shite.

No wonder your woman Trish

left you.

what are you doing here?

Three days, E. Must have

been really special.

Trish, wait! Please.

Oh, f***.

Gay chat - again?

At least they talk to me

on gay chat.

Look.

Hello is that the believer?

Oh, yes, it's E here.

I need some help

being a real person.

Hope is drying out

in the state's north-west

as the long drought

shows no sign of breaking.

play.

Clarinet concerto in a major

it's boring. Can we not play

something good?

This is much better than good.

It's a feckin' downer,

that's what it is.

It's god. That's what it is.

Oh, my god! Pull in, pull in!

What?

Hello, Johnny.

I'm just checking on you

and mah money, hen. You near?

We're at Rockdale.

Um, lots of traffic.

Shouldn't be too long.

Better not be.

Oh, f***. F***.

What have I done?

Please god,

my parents stay at Ali's.

Hey, this is E...

Well, just say it!

What?

I'm not stupid.

I don't know

what you're talking about.

Ok, so you don't.

Ok, Trish.

Trish lives out here.

You happy?

I am now.

Don't you think

we'd better let her know

that you're coming?

She hasn't spoken to me

in a year.

After what you did,

do you blame her?

This is it.

Go.

Tiny, in.

Trish?

Hello?

Trish, can I come in?

Trish?

Trish?

- Hey.

- What gives you the right?

Nothing.

Trish, I'm in trouble -

serious trouble.

- So you bring it here?

- Please, Trish.

You've driven a long way

for nothing.

Tiny!

Let's go.

Tiny! Tiny, get back here!

Look,

sorry to land unannounced.

I wouldn't be asking,

but we've no place left to go.

If you say no, we're stuffed.

If you love E half as much as

she loves you, you'll help.

You're our last chance.

Do I have to do everythin'

myself?

And so you see, we had no idea,

and now Johnny's ready

to cut our throats.

We just need time

to sort out...

You can stay the night,

two at the most.

After that, I want you

and your damn money gone.

What am I gonna do

on Saturday night?

Mikey! No, no.

There's no problem.

I have it, but there's a wee

technical hitch.

I need a wee bit more time.

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