All About the Money

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1

Have you ever

done something stupid?

No, I mean really stupid.

Stupid to the point where you and

your friends are being shot at?

This is the craziest thing

you've ever done to us!

Who the f*** is the crazy b*tch

shootin' at us?!

Oh, that's

Juan Garcia's daughter.

- We're in love.

- Well, then text the b*tch

and tell her to quit

f***ing shooting at us!

What could possibly lead

these three best of friends

to brave the face of death?

Money, of course.

California

knows how to party

Shake it down

California

Knows how to party...

Even as children, little Vincent

was always concocting some sort

of get-rich-quick scheme.

Man, I don't know how I let you

talk me into this.

- Oh, please.

- I'm serious.

I'm black, Vincent,

or did you somehow forget that

when you came up

with this brilliant plan?

What the hell does that have

to do with anything?

What? Man, we try to return

that cat and get the reward,

you know the first thing

old Miss Womack's gonna think

is, "I bet it was this little

nigga that stole it."

She wouldn't say that.

Shut up, Kurt!

Vincent convinced Chris

that he would not be singled out

just because he was black.

My baby!

Why is he in a bag?

This was the eighties,

and everyone knew

that racism no longer

existed in America.

There you go, boys, $40,

just like the reward says.

Um, there's something

that's a little odd.

Mr. Wiggles has always been

an indoor kitty...

so I can't imagine

how he got out.

Christopher?

You or any of your brothers,

did you leave a door open

when you were

cleaning out my garage?

Ms. Womack,

that was two years ago

you had us clean out

your garage.

Your cat's only been missing

three weeks.

That's neither fish nor fowl.

I told you,

just 'cause I was black,

I was gonna get blamed.

I should kill you, Vincent.

Whatever,

look at all this money.

Man, one day we will have

a black president,

and he will make sure all black people are

taken care of, you best believe that.

Not a chance.

Boys, you stick with me,

and you'll definitely share in the

wealth, 'cause I'm gonna be rich.

'Cause I'm gonna be rich.

Why am I reciting

this great modern tale

in which legends were made?

Because someone paid me.

So shut up

and pay close attention.

Never as a child prophesize

about your future wealth,

because you end up sleeping on

your friend's pleather couch.

Who is it?

Christopher Jefferson Johnson?

Hey, who is that using

my government name?

Think it's Walter, man.

He's dressed like

he's going to church.

And you're sweaty, Walter.

What up, Walt?

Uh, Mr. Johnson,

you are hereby served.

Serving what?

What are you serving?

Goddamn it,

I'm sorry, man, look...

My stupid brother-in-law

got me this job

as a process server.

She's tagging along with me

all damn day, and...

I'm scared as hell out here!

I'm real sorry, Chris.

Divorce sucks.

I'm glad it's not me.

Walter, I'm waiting!

OK, actually, I wish it was me.

Get the f*** away

from my house, man.

Come up here and serving me.

You can't even take care of

that f***ing b*tch out there,

gotta ride around in a car with

rollers all over her goddamn head.

What the f*** you doing

with that monkey suit on?

Sorry, Chris.

You're very sweaty, Walter.

Thanks, man.

Oh, we still on for poker

on Wednesday night?

Yes, Walter.

Yes!

I'll bring the pizza, you guys.

F***in' b*tch.

You shouldn't start

your day like this.

Man, you've been sitting here

living on my couch

since October 15,

five motherfucking years ago.

I can count that.

I get it.

You need to come to grips

with this, uh, reality

that you're not that good

a salesman, man.

Man, you're talking

about my career.

Your career is f***ed up.

What is it this week, man?

Upright Breathe-Right.

Up-breathin' what?

Breathe what? Who?

You know what,

I'm proud of what I do.

It's the Upright Breathe-Right.

It is a vacuum cleaner,

is what the f*** it is.

Man, millionaires don't get

like this overnight.

I'm trying to do

what I need to do, OK?

I'm going to work

to make my millions.

Watch when I come home today.

I got a real job, I fix motors.

People need to drive.

You need to fix your drive,

your drive in life, Chris.

While Vincent and Chris toiled to

make a dollar out of 50 cents,

Kurt was actually quite wealthy

working for his father-in-law,

and miserable to boot.

Oh! What are you doing?

You're supposed to be in there.

Yeah, I'm trying.

I can't find

my transportation form.

F***, you look like hell.

Did you sleep last night?

Little, uh, wacky-wacky?

Thanks, thanks, Rick.

It's exactly what I needed

right now.

Aaah, just glad it's you

and not me, man.

I don't think I could do it.

Do what?

You gave the last presentation.

Yeah, and I f***ing killed

that b*tch.

No, I'm talking

about being the son-in-law

of the CEO.

Hello!

Uh-uh-uh-uh! Pfft!

Please.

You are about to present

to the biggest potential client

this firm has ever seen.

And your father-in-law,

slasher-balls,

is gonna be sitting

right there, same room,

analyzing your every move.

Kurt.

Kurtie?

Dude! Hey! Snap out of it.

Yo!

What? What did you say?

Fix your hair first.

Oh, and your secretary

always stares at my bulge.

See you in the trenches.

Two minutes.

Breathe.

Just a panic attack.

I have several hundred

of these a month.

You can do this!

You can do this!

Mr. Pomeroy,

it's your wife on line one.

Um... put her through.

OK.

Hello, darling.

I won't keep you.

I just Wanted to tell you how

important this meeting is to daddy.

I know.

Well, I'm not sure you do.

Takanaki Industries is a client

daddy's tried to get for years,

and it would be unfortunate

if you lost this opportunity.

I'm the reason Takanaki

Industries is even here today.

Three years of traveling back and

forth from Japan, and I got it done.

I would think that you

would be calling me,

your husband, to say,

"Good luck!"

Hah. That's cute, honey.

Just keep your eye on the ball.

Remember that

it's all on your shoulders.

This family

doesn't tolerate losers.

Ow!

Work for the money,

work for the-for the money

Work for the money, work

for the-for the money

Work for the money,

work for the money

Work for the money...

I like her head,

shoulders, knees, ho

Head, shoulders, knees, ho,

Head shoulders knees, ho

Head, shoulders, knees, ho

Hey, what's that sound

Everybody look

what's goin' down

Down to the floor,

scrub the ground

Everybody look

when she come around...

All right, you're gonna be rich,

you're gonna be rich,

you're gonna be rich.

Hi.

Hi. Wow, you're hot...

Oh, hi, I'm Vincent Bolero

with the Upright Breathe-Right,

and you have been chosen

from thousands of participants

to receive a...

You got... Is it hot?

Actually, my parents,

they just bought me a vacuum

right before the semester

started, so I'm all good.

Hold on,

just give me one second.

They gave me a rebuttal

for that... the pamphlet.

Hand 'em the pamphlet here.

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