All About the Money Page #2
- TV-14
- Year:
- 2017
- 90 min
- 150 Views
That has all the information.
- I have company.
- Oh, hey, hi, guys.
What you doing, just chillin'?
I used to chill.
Let me tell ya, um...
Ha, I know what that is.
That's not a asthma breather,
is it?
You guys!
- All right, so...
- No, you can't have any.
And my parents give me
an allowance every month
which is not enough to afford
this amazing vacuum,
so I couldn't even buy one
That leads me to the other part
of my whole presentation.
Making money. You, sir.
How would you like to make
$10,000 a month?
Wait, so you
make $10,000 a month?
Dressed like that?
Um, I don't. My boss does.
And then the guy above him.
At the office,
it's like a tower, OK?
They have like,
you have the level one...
It's like a pyramid. They don't
think of it like a pyramid.
They say don't say
it's a pyramid.
It's better looking at it
on the board,
but yes, you can, you can make
that kind of money.
It's like he's an anchor
on the Sad News Network
and the special is
"My Life Sucks."
I'm gonna dump this right here.
No, you're not, whoa!
Dude! Oh, my God!
Be cool, man. It's from the vacuum company.
They give me this stuff.
Whoa, hold on, Vince, is it?
Is this really your job?
Like, you just bust on in here,
dump dirt and sh*t
all over the floor
and tell me I can
make more money than you do?
I get it.
I'm the guy being laughed at
in the room, right?
It's not like
there's much difference
between you and this pile
of dirt right now.
This is not very, um...
uh...
There's, uh, you can have it.
I'm sorry.
No! What? Take it?
You're not gonna clean this up?
The vacuum works, so they say.
Wow! Oh, my God.
Look, man, when I tell you to go get us
some coffee, don't put cream in my sh*t.
Black people
like our sh*t black!
Christopher Jefferson Johnson, you ain't
playin' no more damn games with me!
You can wallow that fat ass
right on back out that door.
- You can wallow your ass if you don't sign
these divorce papers. -B*tch, please.
I'm warning you, Chris, you're
not gonna mess this up for me.
He's a real man.
He's the next nigga.
F*** you lookin' at?
Get your ass to work!
Affirmative action, that's
why I hired your honky ass!
Get, get, get!
Now, look here, you think
you're gonna get knocked up
by this rich motherf***er then
try to get a divorce from me
so you can run off and get paid
and get married and sh*t?
It ain't goin' down
like that, baby.
Oh, you gonna give me a divorce,
you best believe that.
You got an envelope,
I got an envelope.
In this envelope
is a picture of you,
buckin' my brother,
Jerome Jefferson Johnson III,
and a neighbor, and the
motherf***er across the street.
The mailman!
There's a picture of you in here
with peanut butter
on your left ass cheek
with the dog licking it off,
I invented that!
Now, you wanna get a divorce,
you and your rich sugar daddy
gonna have to pay me.
That's what it is.
Now, get the f*** out.
- Get, rock, agitate the ground!
- Uggh!
That's a waste of a good ass.
Get to work!
F*** you lookin' at?
Take the tire off, get the
engine out the motherf***er,
jump in it and drive,
kill yourself.
F*** you, too!
All you motherfuckers
act like you ain't never had
a b*tch fool around on you.
I ain't the only one
up in this motherf***er.
I quit, too, hah, b*tches!
Yes?
Chris!
Oh, my God, how are you?
You know what,
I actually don't give a f***.
Please hold while I get the other half
of this sh*t sandwich on the line.
- Hello? -How are ya? You're on
the phone with the Rickster.
- Who the f*** is this? -I said
"the Rickster" the first time.
- That's long for Rick.
- Who is Rick?
It's Rick, for f*** sake.
Chris, this is Rick the dick
from college.
Why you callin', motherf***er?
We don't like you anyway.
You still sporting that dick
broom on the top of your lip?
Ha! Wow! Dick broom.
Still not funny.
You better come up with better material when
you go visit your buddy at the funny farm.
You're gonna need to lighten
the mood.
- Rick, English, please.
- Your buddy Kurt
completely bombed
in the boardroom.
You know what, scratch that,
he didn't just bomb,
that mo-Fo kamikazed it.
Aaah!
Ooh, ah-soooo!
Ohhhh!
What the f*** are you dinks
making cars for anyhow?
- You can't drive for sh*t!
- This is an outrage!
- He f***ing hates the Asians.
- Harro?
Bring me some ramen noodles!
He basically offended
everybody in the room.
Mr. Horny,
rock-and-roll time!
Then he stepped up
to his father-in-law/boss
and let him know that he actually prefers
to cram it in his daughter's pooper.
I had anal intercourse
with your daughter!
You're finished, you hear me?!
You son of a b*tch!
Ah, romantic.
I got to tell ya,
it was the singular greatest/worst
thing I have ever seen.
Man, I ain't even
tryin' to hear this sh*t.
Christopher, you may not be
trying to hear this,
but, broheim, it is all true.
Christopher...
Vincent... never forget this.
Cradle my balls.
- Yeah, whatever.
- Go f*** yourself.
Guess it can't get
any worse than this sh*t.
Who took the last goddamn
roll of toilet paper!
So, is this what life's
all about:
infidelity, going crazy,
hopeless dreaming?
Wait a minute,
hopeless dreaming?
What?
Vincent.
Christopher?
F***in' Chodewell?
That's Chodewell.
That is Chodewell!
Do you remember him
in gym class?
He had the little rib cage,
looked like a bird was in it?
Yeah, but most adults actually
call me by my real name,
Dr. Chadwell.
What are you up to?
'Cause, you know, you two
were the most popular
guys in school.
So, Vincent, right, you,
you must be a, what, CEO
of a multinational
corporation by now,
and, Christopher,
I can only imagine that you...
you are playing professional
football for all these years,
maybe for the Broncos,
am I right?
No, you missed the mark
just a little bit.
I'm actually broke and jobless.
Chris's here's wife's pregnant
by another man's semen,
and somewhere in this hospital,
Kurt has lost his damn mind
with a mental breakdown.
Holy sh*t! Wow, you guys.
You are quite the success
stories, aren't you?
Man, Christopher, I still
remember that game...
- Armando Garcia...
- I was 19!
- You were 22!
- I was 19!
Mr. Garcia is
Colombia's biggest drug lord
and the head
of the Garcia cartel,
which is responsible
for smuggling tons
of cocaine into
the United States each year.
Mr. Robinson then issued
a $25 million reward
out for the capture
of Mr. Garcia.
The White House is expected
to hold a press conference
to further add insight
to this newest development.
In other news, do you like cats?
You know what, f*** you!
Cho to hell, Chodewell!
Cho to hell!
You gentlemen can see
Mr. Pomeroy now.
He is pretty sedated, so I suggest
you keep your conversation brief.
I'll be quiet.
I was just waiting...
Come on, man.
Uh-huh, yeah, no, that's right.
God, Mom, I gotta go.
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"All About the Money" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/all_about_the_money_2485>.
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