All About the Money Page #6

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a very fruitful

business relationship.

You, my friend,

are going to be very rich.

Uh...

with all due respect,

Mr. Garcia, I, uh...

I have a wife and a job

back in L.A.

I, uh...

I can't stay here.

Mr. Pomeroy.

Your wife filed for divorce

in a Los Angeles courtroom

yesterday afternoon.

And as for your job...

my associate informed me

that you no longer have one.

You see, Mr. Pomeroy,

information is extremely

valuable in our business.

You have spies?

No. We have Google.

Now, why don't you just

make yourself comfortable?

Make yourself at home,

Mr. Pomeroy.

The choice to stay is not yours.

But your choice to live. Yes.

Come.

Come. Come!

Please. I want you

to check out the view.

You may find it somewhat...

meaningful.

Oh, God!

My God!

Even in a moment of sheer terror

at what he had just witnessed,

no man can resist the

mysterious and majestic beauty

of the punani.

- This has gotta be it.

- Looks like the place to me.

What do you think

"f*** off" means?

It means don't come in the

motherf***er but knock anyway.

Go away!

My name's Vince, this is Chris.

We're looking for Jon Waters!

How do you know my name?

What do you want?

Look, Polica Carlos sent us over here,

man. We're just looking for help!

I don't know no Carlos.

F*** off!

Come on, man, our friend

got kidnapped by the cartel!

Ohh!

Hey, that's my manhood you got

that sh*t pointing at.

Jon, put away the f***ing guns,

man, we're cool!

- What the f*** is going on?

- IDs now.

Come on, Jon, we're cool.

Hey, you're Americans.

No sh*t, can we just come in?

Boy's a genius.

Come on, get in there!

This motherf***er's

in his underwear.

All right, take a seat,

tell me your story.

Man, this makes South

Central look like Beverly Hills.

Oh, well.

Tell me your story.

All right, we came out here

on vacation.

We went to a party.

Cartel members kidnapped

our friend.

We were told

that you can help us.

You want me to light

that dog dick you puffin' on?

I don't smoke.

How do you know it's the cartel?

The guy at the police station

told us...

Heh heh heh heh heh!

- What are you doing?

- Ha.

You can't go to the police.

Are you f***ing crazy?

They don't do anything.

I tried to tell him, man.

I got warrants, I told you.

The police stations are connected all

over the world. They got computers now.

Thank you, my fellow negro.

I came here in '89.

With Special Ops Division.

Dropped us in the jungle

30 clicks south of Medellin.

Did you just eat that?

We've been out here for an hour.

Special search and destroy

mission for Pablo Escobar.

- The soccer player, thank you.

- Who?

No, man, I'm talking

about Pablo Escobar,

the most dangerous drug lord

in the world.

You short bus recipient.

That's why the lady

was crying at the hotel.

How am I supposed to know there's more

than one person in Colombia named Escobar?

Are you sure

he did not play soccer?

Man, I don't know.

So there we were,

waiting for our orders.

But they didn't come.

Some a**hole in Washington

decided to push it back,

so weeks turned into months,

months turned into years,

and next thing you know,

finally the order comes through.

And, man, we were ready.

And we went in there,

quieter than a virgin's queef.

And we took him out

on the roof of his own home.

Yeah, but then again,

some yahoos in Washington

decided...

to give credit

for a job well done

to the Colombian army.

Now, those monkeys...

Excuse the expression...

Wouldn't have been able

to find Pablo Escobar

if he was hiding

in their own jock strap.

Yeah, well...

So I've been waiting here

ever since

to take down the cocaine cartel.

- You want some?

- Yes, I do. What is it?

- Urine.

- It's what?

- You drinking your own piss?

- Oh, hell no!

I couldn't fill this up

by myself.

No, I got a couple of guys who go to the

bars downtown and fill it up fresh.

Gives your skin a really nice glow.

You'd understand that.

Can you help us or what, bro?

Let me ask you a question.

Do you want help

getting your friend back

or do you wanna take down

the cartel?

Look, man, we're willing to do

whatever it takes.

We just don't wanna die,

if you know what I'm saying.

We like being alive.

OK. I will train you.

But, boys, now is the time

where you make the decision

to be man enough

to call yourself soldiers.

Because once you go into this

thing, there is no turning back.

Once you awaken the beast, you

better have the balls to slay him.

"Dinner at the Garden.

I will send for you.

Maria."

Hmm, what's that?

"Don't even think

about cancelling."

I cannot believe that you

did that to your best friend.

He probably wanted to kill you.

Oh, he did.

Vincent hates it when you mess

with his hair, let alone shave it.

But enough about him.

What do you call this again?

- Carne con salsa de tamarindo.

- It's the best one I've had.

- What did I tell you? Right?

- Oh, my God.

Why do you speak

such good English?

Well, I was born here

in Colombia,

but I was educated

in the States.

Actually, spent most

of my life in New York City.

But I got pretty homesick

so I decided to come back

to be with my father.

That's... that's really sweet.

I like you, Kurt.

I really like you, too, Maria.

And I'm honored that a woman

as beautiful as you

would want to have

a dinner like this with me.

But I'm a little concerned

about your father

and some of his men.

Have you seen what goes on here?

It's not always that pretty.

Listen, my father gives

these men opportunities

that they would have never received

anywhere else in this country.

He gives them a chance

at a good life, you know?

I'm pretty sure I saw a man

ripped in half today.

They're not always appreciative

as they should be.

It's sad.

I weep for them.

I just want you to know

that I respect your father.

I mean, I...

I respect him.

A lot.

Gracias.

It doesn't sounds as nice

when he says it.

Goddamn, man, my head

f***ing is killing me.

Hey, mornin'.

Whose idea was it

to drink moonshine?

I didn't drink it, man.

You and old boy was up

singing and dancing

like y'all

was best friends forever.

You do realize this dude's

bat-sh*t crazy, right?

Pretty much.

I'm telling you, Vince,

this is like some movie sh*t.

And I know how this story goes.

How does the story go?

Man, you ain't never seen

them Harrison Ford movies?

You know, he starts out

in Washington.

Then he comes down

to South America.

Next thing you know,

all his friends

get blown up

by rockets and sh*t.

Keep going.

They probably already took

his ID out his wallet, right?

Found out his address.

They probably sent a hit man

to his crib in L.A.

and killed his wife Brenda.

Let's just go

to the embassy, all right?

It's not like this GI Joe

motherf***er gonna be able...

What the f***?!

Never underestimate

the element of surprise.

Always be

aware of your surroundings.

That was a lesson?

Yes, it was.

And training day

is just about to begin.

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